More Things to Ponder


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned
that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If
it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the
house is to buy a replacement.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which
one can die.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying
in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these
days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It
pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world
weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken
there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you, but when you take hi m on a car ride, he sticks his
head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make
it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?