Fighting For Our Destiny!

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.

- William Jennings Bryant

I read this quote and thought, "How true!". Then, while tapping away on my keyboard hoping to come closer and closer to the solution for every child being reached in every school, I heard these lines from the movie, "Groundhog Day":

Bill Murray asks his new buddies, "What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?"

The guy next to him replies: "That about sums it up for me."

I know that especially as a teacher...and a parent (talking to my son about his behavior)...and even sometimes just as a human, I wonder if anything I'm doing really truly matters. We all do sometimes, waking up day after day and giving it all we got...and going to bed only to do it all over again in a few hours....telling ourselves that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.........

Until one day we get up without "waking up", having given up our dreams and silently becoming content to go through the motions of life, feeling that nothing we do really matters.

"It just wasn't in the cards. It's not meant to be. It just wasn't in my destiny."

Or.....we continue to fight for what we feel burning so passionately in our hearts, refusing to give up....but tired and hurting so much we start wondering if it would be so bad if we were actually killed by our challenges.....because then at least the daily pain would stop. (firing the kids up with a burst of dramatic energy)

Now I don't have any suicidal thoughts...but sadly, too many do...and many more choose to live a living death......and that's not OK. Nor do I smash my alarm clocks at 3:30 am, but as the school year winds down I am unconsciously turning all five of them off and going back to bed without realizing it, my mind and body shutting down in rebellion against the tyranny of being pushed too far for too long by my spirit.

Some would say that's a sign to stop. I agree it's a sign of imbalance. But I also say that it's in these very moments for us, when we are broken and exhausted, unable to go any further, and realizing we might only be halfway to the finish line.....yet still choosing to get back up and complete what we started......that our destiny is determined.

This is where the choices we make really do matter. Do we give up? Or do we hold on to each other and our dreams? Although there's no guarantee, maybe, just maybe, I've held onto these kids long enough and strong enough in our time together this year that they'll hold onto themselves and their own dreams for the rest of their lives.....especially when it seems scary and too difficult to go on.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're dark.
A place that could sprain both elbow and chin!

Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

- Dr. Seuss

If we make the choice to see every day as a chance to make some small improvement from the day before, then our lives do truly get better. And our choices of thought and action really do count....as each day becomes an investment in ourselves and others around us.

And if we're able to hold on for one more day at a time, having the courage to consciously recreate ourselves and our world, time does in fact change the reality in which we live. I am happy to say that once again, every single student has shown so much growth that every single student will be moving on to 6th grade.

Even with one child's parents fighting to have them held back next year, time has changed this child tremendously. Instead of falling yet further behind at the end of yet another year, this student has documented growth of OVER a year in ALL subjects, and as much as THREE years in reading and science. This child is actually catching up!!!!!

Once the parents were assured I would work with next year's teachers to prevent a falling through the cracks, everyone agreed with the promotion to 6th grade.

A new life has been achieved for this child; not by everyone waiting around for life to change, but by everyone, especially the child, making better choices day-after-day, time-after-time....and achieving a brighter destiny than ever in the time span of just 10 "short" months!

Here's an insightful take on how you can use the movie "Groundhog Day" to change your life. It's so simple, even a child can do it :-)


Matter Less ~ Matter More

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"It matters less what others do and matters more what our hearts adore........ ~ ....... and in time, we will find...... ~ ....... like vibrations of truth and peace ........... like vibrations of that we seek .........~......... and the matter formed, matters more, to ourselves, and to the world."

- Adam Stuart
May 18, 2008

(thank you for inspiring this the moment I woke up and read "~Matterless~". What a nice opportunity you've given me to start the day Leila.)

**Still half asleep ~ In that in-between moment of waking up and becoming fully awake. Read a poem from Metanoia and found myself commenting to it in a poetic way (the poem above). Now posting with a title that I think means if what matters less to us actually matters less, meaning we give it less thought......then what truly matters more, i.e. truth and peace, higher love and wisdom, will be allowed to grow in our world because it will be given the time and space to be allowed to grow within us

Today is my little brother's birthday. The love I feel for him matters very much, not only to myself, but the world I live in. I am often asked, and even wonder myself, how I keep going and giving.....

I have to say one way is feeling the love I have for someone, which feels so pure and real (i.e. purely unselfish and unconditional), that many of my cells (or all of them?) seem to vibrate "love" to each other, energizing me so greatly that it almost....no it MUST.....vibrate out of me and onto, and then into, those around me in my world

That has to be at least one explanation for why those around me seem to do so well. Vibrations of love, confidence, respect, peace, warrior ship, strength, hope, honor, happiness, etc.........powerful vibrations of positively powerful vibrations vibrating powerfully out of one person into another who trusts the person vibrating and opens themselves to their influence

and then you have students succeeding beyond anyone's wildest dreams, doing things they've never done.....even your own children doing things for one parent that they're not doing for another.

wetting the bed at one house but not the other. throwing tantrums at one place but not at the other. respecting one but not the other.

just the other night when I dropped Sofia off after our "date" her mother told her to go brush her teeth and put on her pajamas. She wouldn't. I asked her to. She did. With open mouths, she and her daughters once again said it was because I have a deep voice and Sofia is afraid of me. I didn't say much because I've argued this before, but I would hate to be a "good" parent or teacher because children are afraid of me.

I'd like to think it's because they are respected by me, believed in by me, appreciated by me, honored by me...........

So thank you Leila, because your poem has brought out the truth in me, which I see now more than ever is that this is why I get such great results out of others, because I honor and inspire them, not horrify and intimidate.

What a great gift of insight and enlightenment you have given me on my brother's birthday, which I will pass on to him, as well as your original poem that began my day.

(**another possible A-HA moment. Why is it that some can take almost any situation and see or pull out the positive, which seems to serve to make them grow more and more positive, and become more and more powerful?

It might be what we "take" or bring to these experiences. Before reading Leila's poem, I woke up and saw Bella's face, which I ever so gently ran my fingers up and down before kissing the top of her head and whispering how much I love her.

I then did the same to Sofia and then Brosden. Taking the time to appreciate and love them, versus taking this time I have with them for granted.....getting up and being in a rush to get my day started. How can I not take this love and appreciation into the next thing I do or read, and see the positive?

Which then only makes me MORE positive and powerfully.....vibrationally unstoppable in vibrating more and more positivity in my inner and outer worlds!

These Sunday mornings happen only twice a month for me, or only 24 times a year. Soon they won't happen at all, as they go off to college and/or start their lives as adults.

Even if your children live with you, "The Cat's in the Cradle", and these Sunday mornings only happen 4 times a month, only 48 times a year. Isn't it possible to give just a few minutes to your sleeping/just waking child 48 mornings out of 365?

Isn't it possible to give 365 mornings????? How much love matter would those vibrations of love matter as they vibrate out onto the world of matter......and continue to vibrate long after they're over from the simple memory of those moments?

Life isn't all that complex....and begins to change from just one simple Sunday morning.





Myself to be an

Observant bystander to

The comings and goings of

Love and loving~ Flirtations

Of proverbial in-betweens~

The silent slamming of

Matterless doors

Snide chiding

And back-





Souls~ Suckered

Upon the ether of casualty

Their tenuous vows a wisp in

The wind next to the promise

Of my heart having no choice

In loving you~ In light of

All the faded fancies

And exhausted


I am



Bliss mouthing

My devotion silently

Where I have harvested

The fruit of my loving

To be enough for

The both us…

And most




( also enough for me )

Leila A. Marceau


"Is not time even as love is, undivided and spaceless"

~Kahlil Gibran~


Flowers For Lilly


We had a little white dog

Her name was Lilly

Fluffy and white

Her tiny tail always in a tizzy

From the day Mom and Dad brought her home

We played with her all day

and let her sleep with us at night

And before we knew it……

We were in love

We had fallen,

Fallen in love with our Lilly

Lilly passed away today

And our hearts hurt so very much

Tears fall onto our cheeks

And we don’t understand much

Why did our Lilly have to go?

Why, when we loved her so?

Is it wrong to love this much?

When what we love is taken away from us?

What if we held it inside?

Would it still hurt when love goes?

Maybe not....maybe so

But this much we do know…..

If we had held in our love for Lilly

She would have never known just how much

But she did know

Because we told her so

Every day

And every night

And she was so happy when she was here,

Because she knew we held her dear

We didn’t hide it,

We didn’t hold it

We said it

And we gave it

We did the best thing with our my love

We shared it

We shared it with our Lilly

And now at least, wherever she is

Lilly has all the love, that we gave to her

It was our gift of love we gave to her

For being such a wonderful puppy

And though we’re left here today

With our hearts hurting very much

We know Lilly’s there somewhere

With a heart that has been touched

So we pick a flower for Lilly today

A lilly for Lilly

We know it sounds silly

But we have learned it’s good to love

And it’s good to give

Because when you share your love

With those you love

No matter where they go

No matter where they are

They hold your love

When they are far

They hold your love

Forever in their heart

And although we can't hold Lilly in our arms

We can still hold her in our hearts

And we do

Even though it hurts so very much

Goodbye our little Lilly....

We will miss you so much

- written by a grateful father for his deep-feeling children,
whom he holds in his arms every chance he gets

he doesn't hide it
he doesn't hold it

he feels it
and he gives it

so that they may always know
how very much he loves them so

it is his greatest gifts
that he gives to them

it is the gift
of his time and love

- Adam Stuart
May 10, 2008

In this video Bella is wondering whether Lilly misses her or has already forgotten her.

After spending the day with my children on Saturday I was too spent to finish the poem when I came home, and didn't want to spoil Mother's Day for anyone the next day. Ironically, when I drove down to be with my kids, I was nearly killed by a driver paying attention to the small dog in her lap instead of the motorcycle she was about to run over. ......And the dog? Fluffy and white, just like Lilly.

We never know when that "last time" is with our loved ones. At last count 15,000 people lost their lives in the earthquake in China, with twice that much still buried in the rubble. We only know that we are given moments in time to be and do everything we most want, and share them with those we most love....

These moments we're given begin everyday we wake up.

Yet most of us waste these moments, our very precious gifts of time we're given EVERY SINGLE DAY, on thoughts of what we don't want, of what's wrong in our lives and the world, and of how difficult and dangerous it is to try to change yourself, let alone the world......and we don't really live at all....because it just hurts too much.

The fact that the ones I love have been taken from my everyday waking life hurt me so bad that after three years of living in a self-created hell I finally learned to fully appreciate what a real gift it is when I am with them.....and give all of myself to them.

And by being fully present, really there.....more and more memories are made in the few moments we are together.....and together we have created such a high vibration of love between us that I have in turn found the courage to give all of me to the world.

And that's what we remember, the moments of our lives. The times when we laughed, we cried, we feel terribly weak or incredibly strong..........the times someone or something made us FEEL deeply.

When we don't have these, we look back and wonder what happened, asking how did our lives get this way and where did the time with our loved ones go?

The time of our lives is really, RIGHT NOW, in this moment.


Happy Mothers Day....To Me!

And Happy Mother's Day to all of you.....The influence you have on your child's/children's life/lives are so very important. I will always support my own children's mothers in every healthy way I can, which includes seeing them today as I did when I asked them to marry me, as their most beautiful selves.

As a teacher I see the great difference parents make on the children that come into our classrooms, allowing us to use them as the foundations we build enabling growth for ALL students.

This realization has inspired another book I've begun to write called, Building the Foundation, based on the effects of good parenting.

For my birthday I called my mother and claimed Mothers Day in the "Name of My Birthday", and spent an hour in wonderful conversation, after which realizing I feel more alive today than ever.

We are all here, on a 4.5 billion-year-old middle-aged planet, revolving around a middle-aged star we call the Sun.

I am here, in a supposedly middle-aged body, being motored by a supposedly middle-aged heart. And just like here on Earth, the light in my motor is brighter than ever and the life inside it more abundant than ever.

I feel ageless.....Like I could light the night up with my soul on fire...and make the sun shine from pure desire......And I feel GREAT!

So thank you to everyone wishing me a happy birthday. In return I wish you a happy mother's day and happy brand new day to everyone in this wonderful Universe, may this day be the birth of a new idea, a new beautiful feeling, a new empowering feeling that changes the way you think, changes the way you live, and is the birthday of a brand new you.

In so many ways, life is just beginning.

(one of the best bday pics I've ever received...from my very good friend's kids...Veronica, Holden and Nicholas...THANK YOU! I love it!)

Since I like to give, for my birthday I give the video at the end, sharing some of the thought processes that have changed my life to one of incredible abundance.

Even though my decision to stay in teaching and be able to see my children every day has meant turning down lots of money, and even baking so bad in my home this week as my electricity was shut off that people thought I had been sunburned................

I am still wealthier than many of my friends who have no home at all.....

And there is still nothing I wouldn't be willing to go through in the name of love.......And I continue to joyously give everything I have........And be given in a great universal flow even more abundance to give back to the world.

One of the hundreds of writes I've never posted is called, The Poor Man Opens His Hand...Not to Receive...But to Give. (I couldn't figure out a way to write it without Sofia's mother ending up looking bad, so I never posted it.)

One example is the ability to see real beauty in others and give others the ability to see it in themselves. Shanghai and I ran into Elizabeth the other day on her way home from work. As we talked I heard and felt such a good laugh come from me, that when I looked back at her I said to myself, "This is a beautiful person".

Elizabeth is mentally handicapped and physically deformed. For me to be able to see past that, and into another's real beauty, is a gift of GREAT abundance....and a realization that the "SHE" I desire in my life is LOVE itself.........SHE is LOVE........and SHE has found me........is within me........and has become everything that I'm made of........a truly Higher Love (ala Stevie Windwood's song, Bring Me a Higher Love, that I often play first thing in the morning to help me wake up).

I realized this while watching this clip one morning with my son before school. As the girl's face came on the screen near the end I said, "That's it! SHE is LOVE. I've already found her. I have her forever already within me."

Now, if I allow SHE to manifest herself in human form, I know there's nothing I won't do for her, even going as far to work myself in another heart attack like I did with my 2nd wife, but this time for the right woman, because I know the right woman would never let me go that far (thx YA ZI for holding me accountable for what I'd do for her the last time I mentioned SHE).

As always though, a sword has two sides, and along with the ability to see other's inner beauty and help bring it out in them, is the inability to see another's ugliness and be manipulated by their insecurities....resulting in a reluctance to trust another to get so close to me again.

But there is hope, as from each so called "negative" experience I am positively evolving and learning to recognize real inner beauty, trust my inner feelings, and listen to my inner guides speaking to me, as explained in this video.

This is an inspirational story of Louise Hay of Hay House Books. It tells us how we can heal ourselves and our lives. Featured in the film are: Gregg Braden,Esther Hicks,Wayne Dyer,Candice Pert and more. It is well-worth taking the time to watch, because our lives are well-worth taking the time to change into an ever evolving state of incredible high love and abundance.

And the more we evolve, the more we can help others do the same. Each one of us is so very much worth it.

Not one of us should ever be thrown away.