Live, Laugh and Love....and Overcome!

Today is the last day of waking up to a hot house (no air) and taking a cold shower (no hot water)......and then going out to do my part to create a more abundant world (no limits).

Tomorrow I move into my friend's place. I will wake up to a cool house and take a hot shower.....but will I wake up and put myself into a positive, forward-moving mental state.....or will I paralyze myself with an angry, the-world-isn't-fair state of thoughts and feelings?

Tomorrow is too far away, and I am too tired to believe I can be that strong 24 hours from now.......But I can be strong in this moment.....and I can face the facts in a way that empowers me v disempowers

I have a chance to live in the only space and time that is real and holds any real power for change.....this moment.

The girl in the pink is the one who wrote the thank you card for helping her find the beauty that was inside of her. That is an amazing thing to teach someone about themselves....and can only be done in those powerful, teachable moments.

The girl in the black is showing me a math project she created and explaining her knowledge of the math principles and how she applied them to her project.

She has gone from scoring 40% on the Fall math and reading tests to 90%-100% on the Winter ones, and now taking that knowledge and creatively applying it to higher-level thinking projects.

This change in her reality has come from moment-after-moment of watching her work out a problem, then asking her how she knows her answer is true, whether it's right or wrong, and letting her evaluate her thinking v. just telling her how to do it and rushing off to the next student.

She is now out of her seat and "thinking out loud" on the board......just as Einstein did to develop his thinking.

"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer." ~Albert Einstein

In the beginning of the year she didn't want to think through her work or stay with and struggle through the problems. Instead she distracted herself with drama of the past and worry of the future to the point I drew a line in the sand and told her she was either going to come with me on this journey of her best self and break herself free from this limiting and imprisoning drama.......she was going to be fully present working with me in this very moment......or I was going to kick her out of class right then and there.

This decision of hers to give up the drama and give 100% of herself to the moment she was in probably was the defining moment of the year for her, and what led her to be able to do things she had never been able to do before.

She ended up with all A's that quarter for the first time ever and is on her way to doing it again.

Life is a journey, and when we dedicate ourselves to living completely in the moment we're in we always seem to have more than enough energy to give everything we have......moment after moment after moment.....

And it does change the world around us when we do.

(outside the next day after the class participated in her project and before we cleaned up.....goofing off with another student who has made incredible growth this year).

Live, Laugh and Love......and Overcome!


This is Why

This is why we believe in ourselves and others. This is why we hold onto that belief no matter how difficult it is to do so.

This is why.......because it matters to somebody else that we do.


Before I Die....

Yesterday was another day when I just wanted to give up. If a terrorist succeeds he has the next day off (and the next and next and next because he's now dead). If the person opposite a terrorist gives all of their life and is successful in bringing out the life in others, the next day he or she wakes up to do it again. 

Sometimes it seems just too much.

On my way to work I told myself, "Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down. And this is all that life really means." - Robert Louis Stevenson

It didn't help. So I asked myself if I was going to give up right now in this moment. The answer was "no". "OK", I thought. "Then that's what I have to do today. Live moment-to-moment, nothing more than inside the very moment I'm in. One second at a time. One student at a time. One personal challenge at a time. One positive thought at a time. This is what zen is for me anyway. So I'm being forced to live in the most ideal way, and that is good."

Then I asked myself another question: "If I were to die today....whether physically or giving up and dying inside because this way of life just got to be too much.....If this were my last day to be really alive......How much will I really live?

How freely and courageously would I play the music I hear beating inside of me? (I used the Gypsy Kings this morning to wake me up and get me going)

And what proof do I have that playing this music (the unlimited potential of the human spirit) is worth the cost?

That depends not only on how alive I feel, but on how alive others feel around me.

Do they find the courage to see and dream of brand new worlds of possibility within themselves?

Do they develop this ability to create a bigger and better world by being able to do bigger and better things than they've ever done?  

How BIG and DEEPLY do they THINK and DREAM (picture of Socrates in background) and how BIG and DEEPLY do they FEEL and DO? (300 pic of King Leonidas on other side of room)

I still haven't figured out this whole "how best to educate students on an individual basis" thing, (pic of my son discovering how to paint to remind me to let my students discover knowledge and develop wisdom)

but it has to be pursuing the answer to the question, "How can we get each one of them to dedicate their lives to creating their highest and greatest lives?" (two of the lowest performing math students at the beginning of the year, now two of the highest)

And anyone can live their lives, no matter how fully, for one more second at a time.



"a shout of joy, praise, or gratitude"

I wake up and begin another day. It's important to begin the day well. What we "water" ourselves with greatly affects whether we grow that day and in what direction. Putting oneself in a state of deep appreciation is a great way to begin a day of positive growth towards everything we could be.

To the wonderful people who have helped out in my time of need, I say , "Hallelujah!"

To my friend who's helping me go from homeless to roomful, I say, "Halleljuah!"

To my new homeless friend I met yesterday who is going to take a few things from the garage sale he can sell into the "forbidden neighborhood", and agreed along with his shopping cart to carry a message of hope to a former student doing things she thinks she needs to do for money, I say "Hallelujah!" (even when my physical presence isn't there my spiritual presence is - ha-ha!)

To myself who's determined to make one of the worst things that's happened to him one of the best, I say, "Hallelujah!"

And to my children, who when I look at your pictures, I feel so much joy and gratitude that I praise the overflowing abundance I really do have in my life, I say to you, "Hallelujah!"

Today is Sunday, and Sunday is a holy day for many religions. Because of you, everyday is a holy day for me, a day of where I can't help but focus on and appreciate all the good things in life and all the great things to come.

Because it's not what happens to you that matters. It's how you react to what happens to you that determines what happens to you as a result of it. And I am determined to react in a way that shows how truly grateful I am to be alive, and be fully alive with life!

(something I wrote this in Sofia's school planner the other day:)

"The purest form of matter and energy is truth and beauty.

The appreciation of this is love.

I appreciate your incredible truth and beauty, and I LOVE YOU!

I wanted to take all the money I made from the garage sale and give it to my homeless friend to give it to my former student. The fact is I don't know how not to give.

So, this tells me I have to make more money than I could possibly need. I have to dream and do bigger than I ever have up to this point. I have to think and act on the scale of a Bill Gates or Bono from U2.

I'm going to have to appreciate the real truth and beauty in myself and the world at levels I've never yet done.....

And I'm going to have to tap into all the love in the world to become this powerful.

I can't think of a better way than to start with my own children.

(I sold my computer desk and had to unplug everything before I could post this. So now it's Monday 2am........and another holy day of thinking, feeling and acting completely and wholly on the best things in my life right now, and the best yet to come.)

The last pictures are of Sofia writing her "To Do" list for Sunday:

1. Dad wakes me up.
2. Brush my teeth. (When I took her to the dentist she promised she would do a better job. At least I know she truly intends to)
3. Help carry stuff out.
4. Beuty (beauty) check. (pics of her with her heart mirror)
5. Do playtime.
6. Take a rest.
7. Entirtane. (entertain)
8. Help carry stuff in.
9. Make a list.
10. Go to bed.
11. Dream.
12. Have a great day.

We have all the answers when we're young. Pretend you're young again. Every day is full of excitement and possibility.....and so are you. Have a great day everyone.


There's No Way in Hell

I was taking Shanghai for a long walk, wondering how in the hell I'm going to get through this. It took me four times to read the three-page court document because I would get so filled with anger and deep negative emotions I had to stop and walk away from it.

Phone call after phone call to different agencies turned into a run around. I finally found out how to file an appeal and now have to wait 6 to 7 months for it to be heard. In the meantime I'm selling my belongings and thanks to the generosity of my friend and neighbor, moving into the extra room in his apartment.

During my walk I kept experiencing waves of shock and anger, feeling like a fool for seeing the best in the world only to get knocked down by it, and beginning to doubt myself; who I was and what I was all about. Maybe I should dream a little smaller, live a little less fervently, give less of myself to this world that can be so ugly sometimes.

But I know if I do this, so will others around me, including my children.

Then I remembered this speech:

I think my problem is believing too much in others who don't believe enough in themselves. I know that just because the seed hasn't sprouted yet doesn't mean it's not right below the surface. So I keep believing and keep giving to the idea of their growth.

Just then a jet flew overhead and I stopped and watched it intently. The further away it got the louder I heard this in my head: "Yes! That is my jet. I'm headed to Greece to visit the places where Pericles thought and talked because I'm close to understanding how he changed the way humanity had governed itself up to that point, liberating and empowering more people than ever before, and furthering human evolution.

I figure this out and I can help change how humanity has educated itself up to this point, liberating and empowering more people than ever before, and continuing this evolution of the human mind and spirit ." (This is a terrific student who received an F from me last quarter for less than terrific effort. She took full responsibility for her grade, learned from it, overcame it, and rose above it. She now has an A+ this quarter.....and feels incredible about herself.)

After the jet disappeared I laughed at how big I can still be inside when it feels like the world is closing in all around me and crushing me into dust. I've been practicing focusing all my thoughts and feelings on only the great and powerful things in life long enough now that I think I only know how to truly dream, do and be big.

I say we create more of a heaven on earth by developing the strength and spirit of the Ancient Spartans, so that all those around us are protected from harm and allowed to live freely....

And combine that with the higher intelligence and deep appreciation for truth and beauty of the Ancient Athenians, so we live at higher levels of life and love....

And do create a better world, an incredible world....a world we have yet to see but desperately need. One we currently can only imagine for ourselves after we're dead, calling it Heaven.

Our matter and energy is in the here and now, and where we direct this determines how our space and time looks and feels. Einstein gave his life to teach us this. Yet we still react to what is instead of creating what could be.

It's probably due to how we educate ourselves, and Einstein hated school. He felt it was too much covering the subjects and not enough uncovering the mysteries behind things like math and science. His brain grew before and after school, not during.

My parents are angry with me for believing in this utopia that doesn't exist; that every person can be good and helped to think and live at higher levels, while making myself suffer in the process (what parent likes to see their child suffer?)

Einstein's father died thinking his son was a failure. So if I am being a fool at least I'm being a big one. I'd rather struggle and die for a beautiful dream than sit around wallowing in an unacceptable reality waiting for someone else to change it someday. What else am I going to do with my life?

As I kept walking, pictures of the great time Sofia and I had just had over Easter weekend slowly played in my head. I felt all the love that we shared. All the happiness that was created in the midst of an opportunity to feel only despair.

And even though she had said, "See Dad, a family can live just fine without milk", thanks to Liz, a truly wonderful person, I can buy her milk when she comes back next weekend.

And I realized that there is no way in hell I can get through this.....with hellish thoughts and feelings.....

But there is a way in heaven.....with the highest thoughts and the highest feelings....

There IS a way in Heaven to hold on, I just have to have the inner strength to hold on to this and believe as big and passionately as Martin Luther King did with his dream, no matter how difficult holding on to that dream can be.

On Friday Sofia wasn't at school and I missed her deeply, beginning to imagine her not being there anymore and feeling waves of hurt growing inside. So I drew a picture and love note and took it to her room. Her classmates gathered around and helped me decide where to hide it.

I didn't realize until just now, but having the strength to do that affected them too. In their eyes that one action showed them the world can be, and is, a wonderful place.....a heavenly place.....It just takes a little creation. (Dancing together to Frank Sinatra Thursday before school)



I'm trying hard to understand what's going on. Sofia's mom sued me for more child support and won. The court date was during state testing so I wrote a letter to the court, filled out my financial information showing I couldn't afford to pay more, and even made a phone call the day before.....but I was not going to not be there for my students during a time they needed me the most. How they did on this test is now the sole determinant of where they're placed next year.

Her mom said she had nothing to do with it, that all she had done was file welfare papers after her employer locked her out of the office and fired her.

I would like nothing more than to lock her out of my life.

I don't know what she said to the judge, but I now have to pay more than twice what I was paying before, the court costs, etc, while she drives around in her Mercedes Benz with her $750,000 home.

I've already been living without heat or air and only 2 to 3 of the switches in the electric box switched on. And now I'm losing my apartment.

Luckily I have a friend willing to let me move in if I share expenses.

I've dedicated my life to bringing out the best in myself and those around me. I had a third God dream where I actually die and am taken to a room because God wanted to meet me. He stood up when I came in, smiled and shook my hand.

He told me He loved watching me live with so much passion and higher purpose, but His Son was right about me breaking too many rules, questioning too many things, and crossing too many lines regarding human limitation that aren't allowed to be crossed, and that I had to go to Hell.

I told Him I understood. I hadn't done any of these things to get something from others or even from Him. I had simply given everything I could to make others lives better. Doing the "right" things to try to get into Heaven would be the ultimate manipulation.

As I got to the door He said the Devil had already sent out an email and notices with my picture saying, "No matter what this guy says, you DON'T have a chance in here!"

I smiled and asked God if I could bring my dog with me. He laughed out loud and said, "Yes! That will drive the SOB crazy."

Next thing I know I'm in a line to get into Hell. There's a nerdy guy checking everyone in one-by-one. When he calls my name I knock the clipboard out of his hands and head in on my own. Somebody grabs the guardians(?) and tells them to let me be. I find an empty dingy, dark, black and red room and slump against a wall down to the floor, petting Shanghai with one hand and holding a beer in the other.

And this is where I sit for all of eternity.

So now I'm asking myself if this is where I am. I'm losing my small and already inexpensive ($725/month) apartment. I gave up business to build lives as a teacher. I put off my masters degree to make sure my students were fully prepared for the tests and now have to start over. Worst of all, when Bella came over last Sunday to drop off her hamster before going on vacation with her mom she had her cheer makeup on. When I asked if she had come from a competition she said, "We didn't tell you because we know you can't afford the entrance fee ($30)."

Now I have an onslaught of millions of cells splitting each second with receptors for all things negative, all things doubtful. And I feel very alone and foolish in this world.

I'm not sure I'll share this. People don't like it when I'm down. But if I do, it's to share another story of another person who felt like breaking, felt very close to breaking, but something inside of him wouldn't let it happen.

I give abundantly with everything I'm abundant in. I know someday I will also be able to give abundantly monetarily. If you or someone you know is able to give now.......I........there aren't enough words to say how much it would be appreciated.

It might mean simply being able to see my kids compete...........and my love for them is greater than my pride and ego.

If you're able to help, for the rest of this month my address is:

Adam Stuart
511 S. Summerlin Ave
Orlando, FL  32801

We hear stories of successful people telling us how they went through really tough times in the past. This is a story of someone going through really tough times in the present. And if I can somehow manage to hold on to everything that makes me good, and change whatever it is about me that has created the bad......then anyone who reads this can too. Thanks to Suzi for sending us these tickets to Disney.

I'm rooting for me. To change the weather inside I have to start by rereading my own work and return to Living in a Theory of Love.  Today is Great Grandma Bette's 91st birthday. Still being alive is reason enough to hold on. Being completely, positively and powerfully alive until the day you die is a gift.

It's the juggling with the struggle that develops your gifts.