The Things You Leave For Me 2 See

I love the messages you leave

for me to see after you go

And I appreciate the special ways

You tell me you love me so

I see the cover of Gone With the Wind

we left by the TV

I see the mess we made of my bed

dancin' to Singin' in the Rain

But I see something else that one of you left

and I know it wasn't left by me

Don't try and blame Gene Kelly

or tell me it was Clark Gable

Just how in the world did one you leave jelly

underneath and smack dab in the middle of the dining room glass table????

Bulletin Bloopers

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

Closing the Gap

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

-Victor Borge


Love ~ Respect ~ and Laughter

Saying "I love you", and meaning it, especially when you're not feeling it. I've never understood how someone who "loves you" can speak so unloving when they're upset; with you, themselves, or life.

Both my ex's and I truly love our children dearly, but I find myself getting calls asking me to tell our children to listen to their mother. One attributes it to my strong "moral compass", the other to my male deep voice. Three "conversations" I've had with our children during this week come to my mind that I think gives the real reason:

Thanks for putting the game away from last night Bella. The middle of the floor isn't working for me though.

I like how you made the bed son. I assume you're sleeping on the stairs tonight. (He thought this was a great idea, and tried it the next night)

Sofia, you put all the cushions back on the couch without me asking! Remember how I asked you not to "be an artist" on the couch in case you drew on it? Let me show you how you should have put the pillows to hide your "Uh-oh!" a little better. Tonight I'll show you how to use the stain remover.

All three have incredibly strong spirits, and I'd hate to diminish this in them by being demanding and dominating. I ask them versus tell them, and expect to be listened to, the first time. So I think the real reason they listen is not only do I tell them I love them, but show them by respecting them, even when I'm cranky and tired and feel anything but being loving (which I've been all week, and just realized today is the first day I haven't had a headache).

Strong, powerful spirits can exist in harmony together, without taking away from one another. They can actually build and empower each other, in a home where love and respect live, and laughter, lots and lots of laughter.


Focusing on What You CAN do

"When all is said and done, more is said than done." - Lou Holtz

My older sister shared some great advice with me as we grew up. One time she said some people think about what they're going to do, some plan out what they're going to do, some talk about what they're going to do, and some people actually do what they're going to do.

I took her advice yesterday, and only focused on what I could do about the events in my life, and did them.

Like helping my crazy daughter prepare for her math test....

.....While still cuddling.

Reading from the the wonderfully rebellious and brilliant mind of Shel Silverstein, hoping to inspire the rebelliousness and brilliance inside of each student ~ awakening the spirit that will allow them to create Bigger and Better beliefs.

Taking time to steal a bite of pizza from my son's lunch

Then teaching in the voice of Scottish late night talk show host Craig Ferguson, making some kids fall out of their chairs - which is kool - but James couldn't stop laughing at all, until mortally threatened by fellow students - student losing life in my class - NOT COOL! (and reason why I'm holding my head in picture above)

Appreciating Amanda's parents gift of appreciation.

And although failure IS NOT an option, failing to learn to laugh and let go also IS NOT an option (thank you to all reminding me of this ~ I tend to go to the edge of my limits a little too hard and a little too often ~ and your comments and actions have been.....enlightening).

I just feel that when things are "too bad", they are too bad to allow to be. Someone spoke to me about doing a movie "about me". No - what I do is NOT about me. And what have I really done? When there are no more Aisa's on the street and Patrice's in the hospital come see me. Just give it 20 or so years to see if I've really made a difference in anyone's life.

And out of respect for our differences versus our similarities, my older sister and I are as different as night and day - she's extremely conservative, does thing by the book, and follows all the rules of God and man (great line from "Legends of the Fall")

As a school psychologist, she believes change happens slowly over time. I believe it happens the instant you make the real decision to change. I love teasing her with this joke:

How many psychologists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One - but it takes a long time, it's very expensive, and the light bulb has to want to change.

I agree with the light bulb/person having to want to change, but preach "change your life in 24 hours" to my students, teaching them how at 9-11 years of age to begin the day focusing on an area of their lives they could improve in, and having improved in it by the time they begin the next day.

If you've seen the movie, "Legends of the Fall", she's Alfred and I'm Tristan. However, we appreciate each other's differences fully, and when people see us together they think we're married (I carry her things, her arm is locked in mine, etc).

We don't all have to think the same. We don't all have to be the same. But we all have to live in the same world. Even in our differences a love and appreciation can exist between us that transcends philosophical, religious, race, political.....whatever other "differences" you can think of that separate instead of unite.

It's time to unite us. Unite the clans! (William Wallace, speaking to my ancestor, Robert the Bruce, part of the Stuart family that ruled Scotland and eventually England, as spoken in the movie Braveheart).

Maybe reincarnation is real (I have no idea - only that I am here NOW as some guy named Adam). If reincarnation does happen, then I am definitely not here to be in another movie or have 1 or 1 million people say what a grand fellow I am (well, I'll take one, the Just ONE :-)

I know I am here to be real this time, not seem real. One of my ancestors even wrote a bible - the King James Bible - do I or anyone I'm related to impress you as someone who could write a bible? I have tattoos, drive a motorcycle, have challenged God and don't get along with his son (the most lucid dream I have ever had).........I think the Stuarts are still trying to learn from the Wallaces.

Our names do not matter. Whether this is our one and only life or our 100th, does not matter. We are here NOW. We are not among the 160,000 that WERE NOT given this day. It's time to live, and it's time to learn. Sit quietly, listen to your inner guides, and FEEL what it is you have to change, and change your life in 24 hours. (see the three "video clips from the "Defending Your Life" movie on my MySpace front page - on left all way down to the bottom)

"There the rainstorm,
came over me
And I felt my spirit break

I had lost
all of my
belief you see

and realized
my mistake

but TIME
threw a prayer
to me

and all around me
became still

i need love
please forgive me
now i see that i've been blind

give me love
love is what i need
to help me know my name

through the rainstorm
came sanctuary

and i felt my spirit

i have found
all of my

i realize what
it takes

cause i need love
love's divine

please forgive me
now i see
that i've been blind

give me love
love is what i need
to help me know my name

don't bend
don't break
show me how to live
and promise me
you won't forsake

cause love
can help
to know my name

well i've tried to say
there's nothing wrong

but inside
i've felt me
lying all along

but the message here
was plain to see


cause i need love

please forgive me
now that i see
that i've been blind

give me love
love is what i need
to help me know
my name

don't bend
don't break
show me how to live
and promise me
you won't forsake

cause love
can help me know
my name

SEAL ~ Love's Divine

*****Whatever your gift is, please believe in it and yourself enough to develop it - and give it to the rest of us, who need it to believe in ourselves, to be inspired by and learn from, and live this life, this TODAY ~ FULLY!


I Can't Go On

I can't go on
Even though I know I will

It's the human drama
That sometimes makes me ill

I have a splitting headache
No bottle of aspirin can help

I may have run out of money
But my spirit is not broke

I have no energy to keep on fighting
Although I know all too well I will

Any man can carry his load no matter how heavy
No matter how hard, till the end of the day

It's just that my days never seem to end
The challenges won't allow me to sleep

I hear love calling me to arms;
My dreams and those of others, that need to be fulfilled

No sense feeling sorry for myself
No indirect or quiet cry for help

It's just a human being being human
And in the midst of living his life fully

Expressing himself expressively
Exhausting himself for the dream

Hope holding him together
Hoping that life has real meaning

The simple man may be tired
But the spirit of the warrior poet keeps him living

- Adam Stuart (September, 2007)

We all have reasons why we don't think we can go on:

- I'm no longer allowed in my daughter's classroom because it's too distracting for the teacher

(Amanda and Florencia playing Ring Around the Rosie with Sofia this morning)

- My grandmother didn't pick up the phone tonight and I missed telling her I love her and hearing it in return (she's been sick the past three nights when I've called and I'm worried)

- I'm can't find a former student who is now a young teenage prostitute, pregnant and homeless. She overcame being in juvenile hall four times the year I taught her - yet STILL learned to believe in herself and went on to pass the 5th grade. I noticed she had artistic intelligence and helped her translate that into academic success. She called me her hero. What kind of hero am I for her now?

- Patrice hasn't made any improvements in the almost two years since he was in the car crash that killed his mother and left him hospitalized. I haven't been able to get through to his father or nurses for a week.

- For Sofia to come to my school and live with me more I happily agreed to continue paying full child support. The additional expenses have wiped me out. I had to return groceries this weekend at the checkout counter. The $17 television in my room died last night and I had no loose change left for gas to go to grad class tonight.

- My notebook of unpublished writes and poems was stolen, along with some motorcycle gear and my son's bike, making me wish I would have published the poem I wrote for Taneicea the first day I met her and looked in her eyes, and saw a girl wanting to believe so badly that she was worth believing in. See her photo below.

- I still don't get paid for my out-of-county teaching experience due to missing paperwork between the two counties

- I have some parents and other people questioning my abilities and intentions

- I get 2 hours of sleep a night yet still can't get everything done and answer very few emails, phone calls, etc

- and I could go on....

Or I could focus on what I do have:

......Love in abundance.

- I am surrounded by love in my life, and get to see my children every day

(My son doing a flip in front of my house ~ I dig this kid!)

- I've heard from several of my former students that they do feel unstoppable because of being in my class. That's one of the greatest gifts I could have helped develop inside of them. They are on their way to becoming their greatest selves and giving their gifts to the world.

(James scored a 100% on the county reading test, making him the first Patty Boy Blemur winner of the year, which only two students received last year. The award is named in honor of Patrice, who in his first year in America and speaking little English, made a 100% improvement in both the reading and math county tests just before his car crash. I purchased a program that allows me to give James 6th - 12th grade work.

- All my problems are positive ones that are easily overcome by a good heart and strong spirit, two things I got from my parents and continued to develop independently.

(Katie was devastated from forgetting to do a page on her test. I did the Brad Pitt thumb's up thing from "12 Monkeys", making the class roar with laughter and allowing me to sneak in and help her build a stronger spirit from her good heart - check out the 12 Monkeys video on my MySpace front page)

- When I got hurt and couldn't play college football any longer, I lived in the library and read and thought so much that I later tested as having one of the highest I.Q's in the country. Even though this is only one form of intelligence, I know I am smart enough to figure out a solution to any my problems.

- After suffering two divorces, I only care about what is real; real love, real happiness, real truth, and real wealth. Thoughts are things, and I know I am only attracting what is real into my life. And I know I will learn to trust in love again.

(Taneicea, who tested at the lowest reading level last year and began this year with F's, now getting A's on her reading tests. She has made REAL change in her life in just one month!)

- There are several people that do believe in me and give me energy to keep going.

- I am wealthy beyond belief, and have incredible life-changing opportunities awaiting me when I finish my masters and should I choose to give up teaching in the classroom.

(Daiquan, Florencia and Luis wondering what I'm doing on the floor)

- And I know that if today is my last day on Earth, I have lived today. And if I'm given tomorrow, I will live that too.

All of our lives are so similar. We all have reasons that can keep us from going on. And we all have reasons that can keep us going on

- Dreaming Big, Doing Big, and Being Big

- Creating the BEST lives we want versus accepting the way we're currently living as all we'll ever have.

And we all get to make that choice every day; the choice to focus on why we can't, or why we can. Our lives and the lives of others depend on this choice. Lately I've needed Frank Sinatra and Harry Connick, Jr. just to get out of bed. Imagine if they focused on why they couldn't go on...and never did.

(Miguel, Taylor and Amanda focusing on what they want, versus don't want. Miguel received a 100% on his assignment today. I'm very proud of you Little Miggs!)

Imagine if you and I don't go on. What gifts of ours will not be there for others, helping them go on with life?

(Raymond and I "knocking down the walls before him". It's taken a month, but I know it's just one of many times he will overcome the "walls" that have stopped him in the past! When I told him he was great on the basketball court one day after recess, he said it was because he's been practicing for four years. Seeing that he was basing his logic on time spent and making him aware that he's been practicing school even longer, he understood when I told him I expected him to be even better at school than he is at basketball.)

Happy Birthday Dad ~ I Met a Man

In honor of my father's birthday today, I'm reposting a write he inspired. It's called, "I Met a Man".

More and more often I seem to be asked where my good qualities come from. I've never known how to respond, and honestly it's probably been because I didn't believe I really had them.

Certain life events caused me to doubt myself. I mean, how good could I really be to have co-created three children I could not love more than I do, fallen in love with two others (step-daughters), yet after two failed marriages, go to bed and wake up without any of them?

"It must be me. It must be me. I don't deserve to have them."

This all changed by certain positive events that began happening at the beginning of 2007, and culminated with my recent trip to Illinois (see "Renaissance Man"). And because of this I have changed how I see myself. I am, exactly as I am, and it's pretty darn good.

So how did I get this way? It's because I met a man....

I met a man who fathered and loved four children of his own, took on two foster children, got laid off from his factory job more than once, and even picked up our neighbors' garbage to take care of his family.

I met a man who called me one night, asking if he should take on a two-year old who was being beaten by his alcoholic mother. The state had nowhere to place him, and knew he already had two foster children that he and his wife were caring for and loving as their own.

Being in business school and being trained to be a "realist", I responded with a flat out and very confident "NO!" I told him he was already getting into Heaven and he had no more to give. He would bury himself and his family if he took this burden on. He said "OK", and we said goodbye.

He took the two-year-old into his home anyway.

I raced to his home and came in without knocking. I was angry. I was upset. This was a good man, but he was being a fool. As I called out for him a little kid I didn't recognize came toward me and bashed his head against my thigh. I looked down at the top of his dirty-blond head of hair and pushed him away. "This must be the kid. And he's screwed up to boot", I thought.

I looked down and realized he had left snot on my pants. "Arggggghh." Now I'm really upset as the man I came to tell off came into the room, with a peaceful and happy look on his face.

"I see you met Jamie", he said.

"Yes, I have. And his runny nose. Why did you do this?" I glared at him incredulously.

The man looked back into my glare, and said softly, "Because we have more than he does", his eyes suddenly becoming wet.

"Loving man, but a very, very stupid man", I screamed in my head as I walked away before saying it out loud.

Knowing I didn't like this "new addition" to their family, this man and his wife asked me to stay with "Jamie" while they went to work. I very reluctantly agreed, dropping onto the couch, still angry, still confused as to why this man did the exact opposite of what I had advised.

"He's not as smart as I am. That's why. He didn't even go to college. He can't even spell and never reads. I don't like this man very much anymore. He is very little and he will always have very little because he gives what little he has away to 'people who have less'. What a fool! I hope I never become like him."

As I was sitting there lost in these thoughts, "Jamie" had climbed up beside me and was staring at me, accepting me completely even though I had yet to say one word to him. He pointed at some books on the coffee table.

"I'm not reading to you kid. I have plenty of my own reading to do from school. You think I'm going to waste my time reading to you? I'm sorry your mom beats on you. I really am. But you're taking this man and his entire family down. Don't you get it? I can't believe no one else was willing to take you. The agency knows this man is a sucker. They probably didn't even call anyone else."

I said this all in my head, while just looking at this kid and being disgusted by his still runny nose.

He pointed again, and began trying to grab one of the books and give it to me. I pushed it away. But he persisted until it was finally too much, and I broke my silence as I reached past the children's books and picked up the thick Sears Catalog.

"Fine! You want me to read to you? I'll read to you. Ooohhh. Look at the yellow dress. And Wow! Would you just look at this spectacular lawn mower. Holy cow! I don't think I've ever seen a pair of more boring-looking plain black men's dress shoes."

"This will teach him", I thought. I didn't know why I was mocking him, but I was. I turned my head expecting to see his little devastated face, realizing that he didn't deserve to be here. That he didn't deserve to be putting such a financial and emotional strain on this man and his family.

But as I looked over and down, I saw a smile. I saw eyes bright with wonder. I saw concentration and excitement on his face.

"Oh my God! This kid has never been read to. He has no idea this isn't a children's book. He's totally happy just being given attention."

I couldn't continue "reading". I could no longer speak, the lump that had formed in my throat hurt so bad I couldn't even swallow. I fought hard to fight back the tears.

"Because we have more than he does", sounded in my head.

"Because we have more than he does", the words drifted down to my heart, allowing me to really hear them for the first time, allowing me to really understand everything that they meant.....

"Because we have more than he does", made me turn away from Jamie, my father's words making me realize I'm not even half the man he is, and now unable to stop the tears from coming down my face.

"My father IS a MAN. My father is teaching me what it means to be a REAL man. I can only hope to be the man he is, but I will spend the rest of my life trying. I hope I can become the man he is."

I put down the Sears Catalog and picked up a children's book. I don't know what it was. I don't know what it said. All I know is I put my arm around Jamie and pulled him close, and read past my tears and in my best story-telling voice, which was now full of loving emotion. I read to him like a man.

This is for you Dad (pictured here with my equally amazing mother). And if you ever find yourself wondering how I became what I am, go look in the mirror and say:

"My son met a man."

I hope I make you proud.

*And yes Ryan (my student), I cried as I wrote this. I cried because my father taught me to be a real man, and as you said, "Real men shed tears"(see "Memories Made on Friday").

Copyright © 2007 (Spring) by Adam Stuart


Singin' & Playin' in the Rain Like Pirates

Yesterday the girls and I were "Singin' in The Rain" (one of their favorite musicals) and pretending we were pirates (one of my Dad's favorite past lifetimes :-) - just kidding

- I have no idea how many lifetimes we have, only that we have THIS one, or at least SEEM to......(twilight zone theme playing now). Whatever the "truth" is, and it may be different for different people, I do know the size of your world is the size of your heart and mind. I like living in a BIG world, and before I judge people and beliefs I don't understand, I take the time to form an intelligent opinion.

And the more intelligent I become, the more understanding and patience I also seem to be.

But when I woke up this morning, I was hearing a poem in my head called, "Rain, Rain, Go Away?"; one I had written for my son last year at this time.

He's not with me this weekend, but my love for him still is. He wanted to spend the weekend with his friends. So in honor of his great playful spirit, I'm reposting his poem along with pictures from yesterday.

"Rain, rain, go away.
Come again another day;
Little Johnny wants to play."


So to the door
And out in the rain!
We don't know
When this chance will come again.

Hurry Dad,
grab your sword!
There's pirates to fight,
and their ship to board.

Grab that spear.
Into the downpour!
We live in the wild
Hunting the dinosaur.

Let's get a ball
We can bounce off our heads,
Or lay in the puddles
In our own water beds.

It doesn't matter
what we do or be;
As long as I'm in the rain
And you're with me.

- Adam Stuart (August, 2006)

"It's raining!" cried Brosden earlier this afternoon, as he dropped everything and sped to the door. I got the idea for this poem while reading Mother Goose rhymes to Brosden's sister, Sofia, later in the day, and coming across "Rain, Rain, Go Away". After finishing the entire book and reading her favorite, "Georgie Porgie, Pudding and Pie, Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry"* a dozen more (I am in so much trouble with this one) I hurried to the computer to write "Rain, Rain, Go Away?".

I think this is a testimony to the beauty and freedom, and even power of the untamed yet wise spirit of a child. We learn to seek shelter from the joy and cleansing teachings of the rain instead of experiencing the happiness and growth that can come from it.

When the rain clouds in our lives pour down criticism on us, what if we tilted our heads back and opened our arms wide to let in any truth behind the stormy words, and grow from it?

When dark clouds constantly doubt and question us, why not let their "rain" wash off our backs and wash away our insecurities, helping us realize we don't need them anymore in our lives, and they'll soon be moving on?

When we hear the thunder of negativity and verbal abuse, why not think of a child playing in the rain, and realize our spirits are as free as we are brave and courageous enough to let them be? We know our own truth, and people either believe in us and our dreams or don't; they either want to build us up with liquid sunshine or try to tear us down with their thunder and lightening.

So when you find someone who does believe in you and wants to help you Dream and Do Big*, take their hand and play in the rain. It's the essence of life and the meaning of humanity. When those who just want to rain on you with constant doubt,disrespect, dishonesty, etc and try to tear you down, don't run for shelter, but stand strong, smile wide, and know their "rain" can't hurt you and they will soon dry up and be gone.

Being "in the rain" is nothing to be afraid of. Being afraid of the rain is. It can awaken you as you feel it on your face, intoxicate you as it falls on your tongue, exhilerate you as it soakes through your clothes, and stimulate you to open your eyes and see a new, better, and happier world.

Watching you son
As you play in the rain
You remind me just
Of what I used to be

I teach you
But you also teach me
Your free and untamed spirit*
Is what I can still be

- Adam Stuart (August, 2006)


This is Me

This is me
At my most powerful self

Unfettered by learned fear
Unchained by loss of hope

I awaken each day
To the rays of the new light

To the LIGHT of a child's wisdom
To the creation of my very own LIFE

- Adam Stuart (2007)

I saw this picture on another's post, and didn't think, but just wrote what I felt. And at the exact moment that I hit "Publish Post", my youngest daughter came up from behind me, and seeing the picture, sang in such an angelic voice that the lump in my throat pushed a tear from my eye.

I quickly hit "edit post" and added this:

There's the western way of forcing things, of MAKING things happen. Then there's the eastern way of allowing things to flow and happen "naturally. In children I see the perfect way, of observing the world, seeing the reality of it's beauty, FEELING that beauty inside of them and letting it flow in and back out, thinking only of that, and BEING TRULY BEAUTIFUL SPIRITUAL BEINGS, having human experiences.

Children see what we have gone blind to as adults. They see the reality of the universe, but observe and imitate us as human beings desperately trying to have spiritual experiences.


Taking Drugs

Steve Vai - For the Love of God

I've been watching this Steve Rai video every day since it was sent to me by a friend (thanks Leila!). I'm totally into it and connected, and then the part comes with Hitler and I think I hold my breath until Vai falls down at the end and explodes up again off of his feet. And I think of how being a teacher is like being a musician.

There is so much wisdom existing in the world from so many different sources, yet we as parents and teachers are teaching so many people to destroy versus create. And it makes me think that there are no "bad" people, just those hurt and disillusioned that have been taught to fight back by fighting against and trying to destroy his fellow man.

After I separated from my second wife, I was so disillusioned with man and God that I gave her everything. I wanted to start over with nothing, and make sure I could trust that everything I had in my life was honest and real.

This meant that I had to ride a bicycle to work. Teaching at an inner city school meant I had to travel through some very bad neighborhoods. In the morning there were no problems. People left me alone, looking at me curiously, and some even smiling at the oddity of a white guy riding his bicycle past them.

Later that afternoon or evening, if I stayed late to help a student, these very same people would either run out and try to attack me or send their dogs to do it. The only thing different was that they were now drugged up.

Thinking about it now makes me laugh as I feel I was among zombies trying to kill me from the movie "Shawn of The Dead".

Why were these people trying to hurt me? Were they evil, non Christian people? No, I found out many of them attended church with the same students I taught. So they had Jesus in them.

Was it because they were black and I was white? The reason has to be because of their color and that's just how "they" are. No, one of my godsons is black and I was the best man at his parents' wedding.

Ah, it has to be because they were poor. We all know money solves everything. Poor people are bad, black or white. No, 90% of the big lottery winners are broke again within 3 years. And my godson and his father who asked me to be his best man are from a terrible part of Cleveland, Ohio. I would visit a lot and sometimes thought I was going to die just driving into the neighborhood.

NO! - it was the drugs they took - the choices they made. That did it, turning them from normal people into crazy angry zombies (I'm doing Brad Pitt's mentally imbalanced character from the movie, "12 Monkeys" as I'm saying this - well, not "right" now because I'm typing - but as I thought it I was literally standing up and imitating him by flailing my arms and fingers wildly in the air as this realization came to me).

Drifting back to the Steve Vai video, I think this applies to all of mankind. The "bad" things we do are largely due to the choices of thought we make and the drugs we take, which can come in so many different forms.

We all wake up to a brand new day, a brand new life, a brand new opportunity to create a more beautiful and better life. Yet some of us take drugs, sometimes every day, and not just the illegal kind.

They can be doctor-prescribed. Drugs that we believe we "need", and maybe actually do, but still diminish our thoughts.

They can the drug of one negative thought after another, overwhelming the one or two positive thoughts we had to start the day, and destroying our day.

All I know is if we're going to take drugs, let's take the ones that get us REALLY high:

- Truly POSITIVE thoughts that fill us with positive feelings. The more of this drug we take the higher we get. This drug should be taken in massive amounts all throughout the day and right before going to bed.

- LOVE.....The BEST drug I know. FEEL the love you do have in your life, and get high from it. I wasn't able to do this until I learned to stop injecting myself with the depressant of focusing on the lack of love. Now, I inject myself with the liquid love of my children.

- The drug of ecstasy is also so very potent. But instead of seeking it artificially from a pill, feel it come from the animal spirit within, and let it slowly fill your soul until your cells are literally vibrating with ECSTATIC LIFE. Then express it how it feels best to you. Do what truly thrills your soul and fulfills and fascinates your spirit!

- I've experienced both the sunrise and sunset of the Grand Canyon. I can't imagine heroin or cocaine or even acid being able to create the same explosion of brilliance inside my soul. And this drug has heightened my life, versus diminished and destroyed it.

Death IS coming for me. I'm not only determined to live each moment I have until that time, but live it as high as possible, taking the drugs of the gods and getting naturally high, and not unnaturally off the drugs of man.

And when the Grim Reaper beckons me, I want him throwing off his hood and raising his bleach-white bony hands in a big high-five, saying, "Holy Heavens dude. You rock! Come on. There are some people that saw that motorcycle ride and have been waiting to meet you ever since!"