Kung Fu Fighting

I knew it was OK to be both a lover and a fighter........
(Brosden wearing my pirate hat when he came over to show me his presentation on Tiger Woods.)

ComPASSION

A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street.

In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so. She asked him what she should have done – what the appropriate Buddhist response would have been.

The teacher said simply, “You should have very mindfully and with great compassion, whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella.”

Playing it Safe

Jesus in the Bathroom

A Sunday school teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven!"

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart!"

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

Little Johnny replied, "Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells: 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'"

Bulletin Bloopers

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

If You Need To Laugh, Read This

This is especially for all of us intensely passionate creatures, who need to just stop and laugh sometimes. I'm dedicating the guest book on MySpace as a show of strength and support for Baby Kaleb, who isn't doing as well as first thought. Please sign if you're so inclined.

Alone we tire. Together WE INSPIRE!

So to help us renew our inner spirits through laughter, here is an excerpt from Richard Lederer's hilarious book, "Anguished English".

"It is truly astounding what havoc students can wreak upon the chronicles of the human race. I have pasted together the following "history of the world from genuine student bloopers....from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot:

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.

In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?" Jacob stole his brother's birthmark.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

David was a Hebrew king ...who fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. Later came Job, who had one trouble after another."

....That's it for now. The Geeks and Rowmens are next.

An HMO Manager at the Pearly Gates - Joke

Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves.

One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities." St. Peter said, "You can enter."

The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves." St. Peter also invited him in.The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care." St. Peter said, "You can come in, too."

But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell."

The Sin of Lying

Laugh at least once a day. Even if it doesn't help us live longer, it definitely helps us live happier. :-)

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want
you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the
minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many
had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters.
I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Bloopers

Bloopers from Sunday School Students

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.