I Can't Go On

I can't go on
Even though I know I will

It's the human drama
That sometimes makes me ill

I have a splitting headache
No bottle of aspirin can help

I may have run out of money
But my spirit is not broke

I have no energy to keep on fighting
Although I know all too well I will

Any man can carry his load no matter how heavy
No matter how hard, till the end of the day

It's just that my days never seem to end
The challenges won't allow me to sleep

I hear love calling me to arms;
My dreams and those of others, that need to be fulfilled

No sense feeling sorry for myself
No indirect or quiet cry for help

It's just a human being being human
And in the midst of living his life fully

Expressing himself expressively
Exhausting himself for the dream

Hope holding him together
Hoping that life has real meaning

The simple man may be tired
But the spirit of the warrior poet keeps him living

- Adam Stuart (September, 2007)


We all have reasons why we don't think we can go on:

- I'm no longer allowed in my daughter's classroom because it's too distracting for the teacher

(Amanda and Florencia playing Ring Around the Rosie with Sofia this morning)

- My grandmother didn't pick up the phone tonight and I missed telling her I love her and hearing it in return (she's been sick the past three nights when I've called and I'm worried)

- I'm can't find a former student who is now a young teenage prostitute, pregnant and homeless. She overcame being in juvenile hall four times the year I taught her - yet STILL learned to believe in herself and went on to pass the 5th grade. I noticed she had artistic intelligence and helped her translate that into academic success. She called me her hero. What kind of hero am I for her now?

- Patrice hasn't made any improvements in the almost two years since he was in the car crash that killed his mother and left him hospitalized. I haven't been able to get through to his father or nurses for a week.

- For Sofia to come to my school and live with me more I happily agreed to continue paying full child support. The additional expenses have wiped me out. I had to return groceries this weekend at the checkout counter. The $17 television in my room died last night and I had no loose change left for gas to go to grad class tonight.

- My notebook of unpublished writes and poems was stolen, along with some motorcycle gear and my son's bike, making me wish I would have published the poem I wrote for Taneicea the first day I met her and looked in her eyes, and saw a girl wanting to believe so badly that she was worth believing in. See her photo below.

- I still don't get paid for my out-of-county teaching experience due to missing paperwork between the two counties

- I have some parents and other people questioning my abilities and intentions

- I get 2 hours of sleep a night yet still can't get everything done and answer very few emails, phone calls, etc

- and I could go on....


Or I could focus on what I do have:


......Love in abundance.

- I am surrounded by love in my life, and get to see my children every day

(My son doing a flip in front of my house ~ I dig this kid!)

- I've heard from several of my former students that they do feel unstoppable because of being in my class. That's one of the greatest gifts I could have helped develop inside of them. They are on their way to becoming their greatest selves and giving their gifts to the world.

(James scored a 100% on the county reading test, making him the first Patty Boy Blemur winner of the year, which only two students received last year. The award is named in honor of Patrice, who in his first year in America and speaking little English, made a 100% improvement in both the reading and math county tests just before his car crash. I purchased a program that allows me to give James 6th - 12th grade work.

- All my problems are positive ones that are easily overcome by a good heart and strong spirit, two things I got from my parents and continued to develop independently.

(Katie was devastated from forgetting to do a page on her test. I did the Brad Pitt thumb's up thing from "12 Monkeys", making the class roar with laughter and allowing me to sneak in and help her build a stronger spirit from her good heart - check out the 12 Monkeys video on my MySpace front page)

- When I got hurt and couldn't play college football any longer, I lived in the library and read and thought so much that I later tested as having one of the highest I.Q's in the country. Even though this is only one form of intelligence, I know I am smart enough to figure out a solution to any my problems.

- After suffering two divorces, I only care about what is real; real love, real happiness, real truth, and real wealth. Thoughts are things, and I know I am only attracting what is real into my life. And I know I will learn to trust in love again.

(Taneicea, who tested at the lowest reading level last year and began this year with F's, now getting A's on her reading tests. She has made REAL change in her life in just one month!)

- There are several people that do believe in me and give me energy to keep going.

- I am wealthy beyond belief, and have incredible life-changing opportunities awaiting me when I finish my masters and should I choose to give up teaching in the classroom.

(Daiquan, Florencia and Luis wondering what I'm doing on the floor)

- And I know that if today is my last day on Earth, I have lived today. And if I'm given tomorrow, I will live that too.

All of our lives are so similar. We all have reasons that can keep us from going on. And we all have reasons that can keep us going on

- Dreaming Big, Doing Big, and Being Big

- Creating the BEST lives we want versus accepting the way we're currently living as all we'll ever have.

And we all get to make that choice every day; the choice to focus on why we can't, or why we can. Our lives and the lives of others depend on this choice. Lately I've needed Frank Sinatra and Harry Connick, Jr. just to get out of bed. Imagine if they focused on why they couldn't go on...and never did.

(Miguel, Taylor and Amanda focusing on what they want, versus don't want. Miguel received a 100% on his assignment today. I'm very proud of you Little Miggs!)

Imagine if you and I don't go on. What gifts of ours will not be there for others, helping them go on with life?

(Raymond and I "knocking down the walls before him". It's taken a month, but I know it's just one of many times he will overcome the "walls" that have stopped him in the past! When I told him he was great on the basketball court one day after recess, he said it was because he's been practicing for four years. Seeing that he was basing his logic on time spent and making him aware that he's been practicing school even longer, he understood when I told him I expected him to be even better at school than he is at basketball.)

Tell Me

Now that class is over
And it's time for you to go

Tell me what you learned today
And tell me how you've grown

Tell me that I did my job
And gave you wings for flight

Tell me that you'll fly so high
In your dreams tonight

- Adam Stuart
(just another peaceful warrior with just another young dreamer - Amanda)

Entertaining God - Part 3

When the principal called I mentioned the true fighters that they were in class, being the 2nd and 3rd highest students with the most logged reading minutes. She wonderfully worked this into her talk with them and that they were obviously better than how they were behaving.
When they were allowed to come back to class I let them have it. I don't know where it came from, but I let them have "IT" completely - ALL my belief, ALL my confidence, and ALL my patience. I felt myself pumping out tons of energy as I shared as lovingly and calmly, yet fervently, that real strength is in controlling their tempers, that they were able to do it, and that I demanded it from them for at least this one year.

As I sat back to read them and see how effective this was, I started thinking how Life isn't always pretty or fair, sometimes even ugly and discouraging, but all I knew was that if the evils of life try to take a person from Heaven and into Hell, we should return the favor by taking one headed for certain Hell and into Heaven.

And if life tries to take a kid, I'm taking TWO from hell, giving them LIFE, unstoppable belief in themselves and unstoppable skills. You wait till they're adults before you try and crush them. Hopefully by that time they have become unstoppable or at least have a good enough network of friends and family that can pick them up when they're down and believe in them when they're doubting themselves.

Don't knock a kid down with a sledgehammer. Build them up to be able to be able to withstand the sledgehammers life will hit them with when they're adults (or wrenches if they play dodge ball - from the movie "Dodge Ball").

I start this building up with dry erase markers. I was going over the homework and some weren't paying attention. Respect is big with me, and I told them they were capable of paying attention now and not making me repeat myself later. I wanted to get my point across effectively, so I controlled my growing impatience and diminishing energy with the effectiveness of humor.

I said they better be wearing a bike helmet when they asked me the homework later because I was going to bounce a dry erase marker off their heads; which I did to Chad who volunteered to demonstrate this.

Their laughter pepped me up enough to notice that Miguel was not only reading, but reading a 300 page book. Now this is a kid who according to his parents has never read before, meaning Miguel has literally changed his life in just two weeks by changing his feelings, thoughts, and actions (reading books v. sitting around watching TV all the time).

Don't tell me.....DON'T TELL ME!...that life is mostly bad and unfair. You want more out of it? GIVE MORE TO IT! We just have to quit whining about the difficulties and start WANTING WITH A PASSION!

But how do we do this? ..............

....To Be Continued

Entertaining God - Part 2

As Christ, Buddha, Ghandi, the Dalai Lama and even Zoroaster have said in one form or another, "With our thoughts we create our world." So I started thinking how I made it through the day before, hoping for inspiration to make it through another, and really thriving in life and helping others do the same versus just trying to survive in it.

I had gotten up at 330 to get caught up on my grad school research/writing. Didn't get nearly enough done before the coffee had worn off and time was running out to get to the gym before picking up Sofia for school.

Answered a few emails before I left and felt a new surge of energy from the positive thoughts of the messages I read.

Took that energy to the gym but at the end of the workout was staring at the 90 lb. dumbbells in front of me, wondering how in the helen of troy I was going to have the strength to lift them.

Started calling out the names of my students in barbaric yalps with each rep, thinking that if I could have the strength to lift these weights I could lift my students for at least one more day.

Finished and stumbled into the showers, mumbling a good morning to the anonymous old man next to me. Was greeted back with an explosive "Hello! How are you doing this fine morning young man?" Felt so uplifted by his good energy I started talking to him and found out yesterday was his 84th birthday. A BIG Happy Birthday to my new friend, Sandy Graves.

Took the energy I got from Sandy and gave it to my Sofia as she ran into my arms when I picked her up. Told myself I'd get things done on the 45 minute trip to school but found myself listening to her tell me all about her latest dream and everything she was excited about at school. Her excitement gave me the energy to give my full presence to a parent meeting before class began.

Found out this parent is truly dedicated not just to his son's education, but education in general, giving me hope that I'll stop being seen as unique and exceptional when he said that the way I teach should be the rule versus the exception. Gave me hope that I'll stop being seen as a renegade teacher who has impossible energy and that ALL children will be seen as and taught as if they are gifted, because THEY ARE!

Welcomed my students to class, fired up to have another day of positive creation, only to find out the 2nd and 3rd highest readers of the class in terms of effort are in the principal's office for a fight that involved being thrown over bus seats and bloody mouths.

All that effort being thrown away in one moment of loss of control and now in danger of getting themselves suspended. All that energy on all three of our parts now wasted. Felt glad I was so physically drained from the workout because I really wanted to throw a desk through the wall........

To Be Continued.........

Maybe We Shouldn't Try So Hard to Teach

I was going over my 11-year-old son's science lesson with him as we were in the car today. He wasn't really getting it until I stopped trying to teach it to him. I only stopped because as we drove by a construction site filled with mounds of dirt, I began making humorous side comments on what a beautiful dirt building it was.

From the back seat Sofia (5) said the ants must really like it. Then Brosden and I did a Breaking News report of theft at the Mall of Dirt by suspects who appeared to be of a very small stature with six abnormally tiny legs. We all played off each other's comments until no one could get out another without laughing in the middle of it.

After we stopped I began thinking of what we were driving to get in the first place.

Out of the blue, Brosden said, "Oh! This is why scientists do research on lightening."

It seemed that the break in trying to learn actually allowed his brain to see the information I had been trying to get him to learn.

And it was fun. I think I'll keep trying it, allowing the humorous odd comments that come into our heads as we're trying to study to come out :-)

Practice Laughter and Love

I came across these pictures while looking for some to include with the "Winners Learn to Like Themselves Through Practice" post I was doing on my students' web page.

All three of these girls are among the best in the nation, and perhaps the world, in at least one area. After seeing the pictures of this "Dream Team", Three Musketeers, Tres Amigos, etc.......three words began to sound off in my head as to how they got this way:

"Practice", "Laughter" and "Love."

While pouring a cup of coffee with this chanting still in my head, I realized this was the reason for their remarkable success. As I drank to this epiphany, the words began changing order. They went from:





PRACTICE











LAUGHTER







LOVE








to






LOVE PRACTICE











PRACTICE LOVE






LOVE LAUGHTER








and when things don't work out






PRACTICE LAUGHTER








LAUGH LOVINGLY








LOVINGLY PRACTICE


*just rinse and repeat as necessary, UNTIL the desired results are reached. This simple formula works whether you're a child or adult, between children and adults, children, and adults.


And most importantly, it works with ourselves. We are humans "being". This takes practice. Nature has evolved through 4.6 billion years of practice. It must have laughed at some of the things it's created. And it certainly must have loved so many of the beautiful things it's loved and laughed into existence through practice.

We, "(wo)man", are universal babies, barely 3.6 million years old. We owe it to ourselves to never give up on who we are, and who we are capable of becoming.

We are all so much more than we give ourselves credit for. What race, sex, religion, nationality we are and income we have has nothing to do with our capabilities. I've personally seen this (or maybe personally seen to it) happen in every type of classroom among every type of student.

We are more than the macroscopic physiology of our looks and the materialistic pursuit of our neighbor's acceptance. We are the spirit that lives inside each and every one of our cells, our atoms, and our nuclei.

So let's practice laughter and love with each other, and most importantly, with ourselves. Our evolution requires it. We don't evolve through hate or victimization. We grow through practice, or struggle. And there's no better way to do this than with the water of laughter and the sunshine of love.

Impossible growth IS possible, miraculous results ARE achievable, and the human species making the world a better place IS attainable.


WE CAN DO IT!


WE ARE DOING IT!

"...You are here....Life exists...Let the powerful play go on that you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"
- from Dead Poets Society (you can see Robin Williams' photo in the LAUGHTER and PRACTICE pictures, which he signed, "To Mr. Stuart's class, DREAM BIG!", using a photo from the movie. I'd say he is contributing a GREAT verse to our play. Thank you, Robin!

Give Without Seeking Anything in Return

There is a big difference between an opinionated person and a person with intelligent opinions. One seeks to limit the world according to their views. The other wants to widen the way in which the world can be viewed. Which one are you?

Your world is the size of your mind. How big can you get it? How beautiful and amazing can it be? How much fun can you create in it? How much can get accomplished? What kind of people are in it with you? This last point is crucial. What kind of people are you allowing into your world, giving your time to that you will never get back? Are these people adding to or taking away from your life?

Are YOU adding to or taking away from others lives? This is why being genuine is crucial. You can fool the world by pretending to be something you're not, and pretend to give freely while secretly seeking only to take.

But the wise old Universe can see, and see you are attracting others such as thee, and soon your life is filled with false friends and takers, that only serve to make your life a living hell in the making.

Give to someone today without seeking anything in return. I really think it sends out such strong vibrations of purity at the cellular level that it's picked up by others' cells and sent back.

But it's sent back even stronger, affecting more than just the two people involved. Recent emails and comments I've received have empowered me with perfect timing, and are affecting all those who see them, from the blogpots to MySpace.

When you believe in something (or someone) with your very cells IT HAPPENS, THEY HAPPEN! How else do you explain phenomena like what's been happening with my students and others across the world year after year? It's an emotional storm of belief passed from inside the teacher to the inner world of the student, repeated over and over with EACH one in the room.

As I am in the middle of a battle called grad school finals, I see a bigger battle looming on the horizon, the start of a new school year. We all have our battles coming to us; this is mine. As I prepare myself for a new class of students, it is the incredible comments from incredible people that give me the strength to believe I can once again create a genuine emotional storm of belief in everyone with my very cells, and be intelligent enough to see how to get that fiery storm into the hearts and minds of each one at their very cells.

This is how students become unstoppable, children feel loved, marriages survive, impossible battles are won, and worlds are changed.

Thank you for all those giving freely to me. You are changing my world and the worlds of all I touch, including my grandmother's who was waiting for my call goodnight, felt the good vibrations you've given me, and felt confident that, "Tomorrow's going to be a very good day."

Being Human is "Being Human"

Being human is "being human". We ARE going to make mistakes. That's how we learn. My children and students are told that if they're not making mistakes, they're not trying hard enough (not taking enough risk in thinking new thoughts, trying new things, etc).

They are also told that if they're making the same mistakes over and over again, they're not trying hard enough (not learning from their mistakes).

Hopefully the mistakes we make don't hurt others or make their lives worse (as in the cases of domestic violence, child abuse, etc). Some mistakes are much more severe than others.

Keep this in mind when others make mistakes, no matter how aggravating they may be. How we react has a big effect on what others learn from their mistakes:

"I did a dumb thing and can learn from it." or "I am dumb and a mistake"

"That was stupid. I'm smarter than that." or "I am stupid. What's wrong with me?"

"That was bad and I'm better than that. I'll apologize." or "I am bad and terrible and rotten and worthless."

Think of better things you can say to yourself and others when mistakes are made.

Bella flooded the bathroom floor once, forgetting to put the inside curtain inside the tub, causing it to rain down on the first floor. As she stood in the bathroom wrapped in her towel, she looked at me thoughtfully and said, "Well, I've never made that mistake before."

I was stunned for a few moments, and could only say, "Well please don't make it again" and walked away allowing my anger to be replaced by the truth and humor of her words.

Inner strength is walking your talk, and living up to your words. It IS NOT in beating a child or spouse or even yelling at a driver who cut you off. Get a bigger problem to really get angry about. No one can MAKE you angry. Only you can.

"You can tell the size of a person by what makes him or her angry." - ?????

So on a lighter note, here are some pictures of humans being human. Enjoy the silly things we silly creatures do.