Give Without Seeking Anything in Return

There is a big difference between an opinionated person and a person with intelligent opinions. One seeks to limit the world according to their views. The other wants to widen the way in which the world can be viewed. Which one are you?

Your world is the size of your mind. How big can you get it? How beautiful and amazing can it be? How much fun can you create in it? How much can get accomplished? What kind of people are in it with you? This last point is crucial. What kind of people are you allowing into your world, giving your time to that you will never get back? Are these people adding to or taking away from your life?

Are YOU adding to or taking away from others lives? This is why being genuine is crucial. You can fool the world by pretending to be something you're not, and pretend to give freely while secretly seeking only to take.

But the wise old Universe can see, and see you are attracting others such as thee, and soon your life is filled with false friends and takers, that only serve to make your life a living hell in the making.

Give to someone today without seeking anything in return. I really think it sends out such strong vibrations of purity at the cellular level that it's picked up by others' cells and sent back.

But it's sent back even stronger, affecting more than just the two people involved. Recent emails and comments I've received have empowered me with perfect timing, and are affecting all those who see them, from the blogpots to MySpace.

When you believe in something (or someone) with your very cells IT HAPPENS, THEY HAPPEN! How else do you explain phenomena like what's been happening with my students and others across the world year after year? It's an emotional storm of belief passed from inside the teacher to the inner world of the student, repeated over and over with EACH one in the room.

As I am in the middle of a battle called grad school finals, I see a bigger battle looming on the horizon, the start of a new school year. We all have our battles coming to us; this is mine. As I prepare myself for a new class of students, it is the incredible comments from incredible people that give me the strength to believe I can once again create a genuine emotional storm of belief in everyone with my very cells, and be intelligent enough to see how to get that fiery storm into the hearts and minds of each one at their very cells.

This is how students become unstoppable, children feel loved, marriages survive, impossible battles are won, and worlds are changed.

Thank you for all those giving freely to me. You are changing my world and the worlds of all I touch, including my grandmother's who was waiting for my call goodnight, felt the good vibrations you've given me, and felt confident that, "Tomorrow's going to be a very good day."

Being Human is "Being Human"

Being human is "being human". We ARE going to make mistakes. That's how we learn. My children and students are told that if they're not making mistakes, they're not trying hard enough (not taking enough risk in thinking new thoughts, trying new things, etc).

They are also told that if they're making the same mistakes over and over again, they're not trying hard enough (not learning from their mistakes).

Hopefully the mistakes we make don't hurt others or make their lives worse (as in the cases of domestic violence, child abuse, etc). Some mistakes are much more severe than others.

Keep this in mind when others make mistakes, no matter how aggravating they may be. How we react has a big effect on what others learn from their mistakes:

"I did a dumb thing and can learn from it." or "I am dumb and a mistake"

"That was stupid. I'm smarter than that." or "I am stupid. What's wrong with me?"

"That was bad and I'm better than that. I'll apologize." or "I am bad and terrible and rotten and worthless."

Think of better things you can say to yourself and others when mistakes are made.

Bella flooded the bathroom floor once, forgetting to put the inside curtain inside the tub, causing it to rain down on the first floor. As she stood in the bathroom wrapped in her towel, she looked at me thoughtfully and said, "Well, I've never made that mistake before."

I was stunned for a few moments, and could only say, "Well please don't make it again" and walked away allowing my anger to be replaced by the truth and humor of her words.

Inner strength is walking your talk, and living up to your words. It IS NOT in beating a child or spouse or even yelling at a driver who cut you off. Get a bigger problem to really get angry about. No one can MAKE you angry. Only you can.

"You can tell the size of a person by what makes him or her angry." - ?????

So on a lighter note, here are some pictures of humans being human. Enjoy the silly things we silly creatures do.

Give One More, To One More

Tonight, Conan O'Brien mentioned that by the year 2013, 75% of Americans are predicted to be overweight. He faced the audience, put his hands together, and in an eerily similar voice to JFK, said,
"My fellow Americans. I believe if that if we work together, we can achieve this goal by 2010!"
I know this is no laughing matter. But I also know laughing actually exercises the body. And exercise seems to be what we're lacking in this country, at least according to one late-night comedian, who helps make us laugh.

The problem with living in an affluent society and having so much struggle taken away, is that so much struggle is taken away.

Most of us sit in our cars and drive to a job where we take an elevator to sit at a desk and sit talking on the phone before we go sit in meetings before sitting back in our cars to sit waiting at a fast window for food that has been sitting in a freezer so we can eat sitting on a couch tired from a day filled with exhaustive sitting. And don't forget the standing in the elevator that had no seats upon which to sit. We are really mentally and emotionally tired, which makes us feel physically tired.

Exercise IS physically important. I found this on Being Overweight

But WHY is it a bad thing to be overweight? Does it really matter if you're carrying too much fat? Unfortunately, it does. You see, the sad fact is that if you're overweight, your life is likely to be shorter than the life of someone who is slim. Sorry to be so blunt, but it's true. After all, how many overweight 90 year olds do you know? Excess weight makes us more liable to the following things:

· HEART ATTACK · ARTHRITIS · DIABETES · GALL STONES · HERNIAS · STROKES
· HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE · SERIOUS ACCIDENTS · FRACTURES · IMPOTENCE
· BACK ACHE · HIGH CHOLESTEROL

So it looks like Santa Claus isn't going to be around much longer if he doesn't trim down a bit. But I've noticed other benefits from exercising, and that is mental and emotional health. This is a big one. I've found that pushing myself in the gym or pool allows me to accomplish much more in my life.

Going past the point of failure is a mind thing. Your muscles have literally failed, and you can only lift another rep or swim another lap by drawing on some inner strength. This can only come from a deeper desire you have within you. And doing this last rep is where real growth and strength comes from, physically, mentally and emotionally.

To borrow from my friend Audrey's page,

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

Eleanor Roosevelt

(a most truly beautiful woman)

After my muscles have given out I tell myself one more rep means I'll stop one more child from being abused. Later when I'm dropping by a kid's house who is getting abused "just to say hi", I have the strength to stop myself from ripping his dad's head off as I pretend I don't know what he's done, and tell him how great his kid is in school around me and how well he listens; how stern I am with my own but never beat them; that as fathers we're there to build kids up, not break them down.

Believe it or not this works more often than you'd think, almost as if they can feel you believing in them as much as you do in their children. But you have to have the strength to forgive them for their past, it's over and there's nothing you can do about it. And you have to have the strength to believe in their future, that the past is over and won't be continued. And you have to be real. You have to really believe with all your might. As Red and I discussed today, every day is a new life to the wise man. Sometimes people just need to be enlightened to a more artful way to create their lives in a better way.

And if that doesn't work and they don't stop you have to be able to send out very strong and clear signals that you will not stop until they do. And you have to be strong enough to know you can back it up. The impossible is possible, if you're strong enough to believe it.

One more rep and it means I make one more kid in class believe in herself or himself and just how great she or he is capable of becoming. I tell myself and my students I will never let them go, no matter how heavy they get. Unless you're a teacher, you can only imagine how many days it seems getting kids to give their best seems too heavy of a task, heavier than any weight you've ever lifted. Yet in seven years of teaching not one kid has ever been left behind, and each one has "lifted" more academic weight than ever before. The impossible is possible, if you're tough enough to never let go.

One more lap means my children have one more memory of playing and dancing with their father, and of him holding them when they're sad. One more lap means I can listen to them, read to them, learn from them, teach them, and believe in them one more time, before they're gone. The impossible is possible, if you have enough strength to keep on loving.

If you don't have children, you can easily have the time to exercise. If you do have children that aren't with you all the time, you can find the time to exercise. If you do have children all the time, it's not so easy having and finding the time to exercise, so you have to make the time, maybe even exercising WITH them.

One more rep, one more lap, one more minute makes heroes of us all. For me that means giving children the opportunity to become heroes to themselves. What would cause you to give one more, to one more?

Be More Stubborner

"We always watch your shows", cried out an angry young child.

"Is that true?" asked her father.

"Yes!" replied the poor, miserable waif.

"Oh, my poor little Oliver Twist. At least half the shows we watch are yours, and we watch them together, don't we?"

"Why just today my moppet, we watched Curious Gary, oops, George."

"We watched The Blueberry Stained Bears. Oh, I'm sorry, the Berenstain Bears, like that makes more sense. What's a 'berenstain'?"

"I don't know Daddy. I'm only five." (still said angrily)

"Well, we shouldn't be watching any bear shows where we don't know what they are. No more funny bear shows in Dad's house!"

"Ouwr house. It's ouwr house!"

"Do you pay any of the bills? Why when I was your age I had a job, wife and three kids. That's why we need to watch Oliver. You need to learn how to 'pick a pocket or two'; start earning your keep around here."

"No you didn't. I'm going to call Gwandpa and Buscha (our Polish word for grandma) and ask them."

"Go ahead! Why they'll tell you that when I was five years old.......I was six!"

"Nooooooo. You'wre lying."

'What! What! Me! Lying! Nevah! Why I haven't told a lie since I was but a wee lad of five."

"In fact, let's just see exact-a-lee who the liar be....

"Here ye! Here ye! The court will now come to order. Presenting the honorable Judge Father O' Fatherhan! The evidence shows that in addition to the aforementioned shows, your wonderful, terrific, stupendous, floopendous, rooendous father watched America's Funniest Home Videos as well.

But if you say all you watch are his shows such as Oliver, David Copperfield, etc., then it is in the estimation of this court that this statement of yours shall become true.

In an effort to prevent such a pure wonderful child from being a liar, from this moment forward, no more of Sofia's shows shall be seen in This House of Stuart.

"No, Daddy. It's OK. We do watch my shows. But I still don't want to watch Olivwer again."

"That's Judge Father O' Fatherhan to you child!"

"No you'wre not. You'wre my Daddy."

"That's right. And as your daddy, I'll make sure you watch good shows, because I care about what goes into that wonderful head of yours. You may have gotten your stubbornness from me, but I owe it to you to be more stubborner, even if it means you don't like me for it."

"Well, I don't like that you'wre making me watch Olivwer."

"That's OK. You don't have to always like me."

"But I still love you, Daddy."

"You do? Why?"

"Because you'wre my Daddy. That's why."


We did sit down to watch Oliver together, and no, she didn't watch it right away. Instead, in her stubbornness, she read Dr. Seuss to her "daughter" (her web-kinz unicorn).

But she did "sing" the words to the melody of the songs in the movie as she read (We watched the 1968 musical version).

(A few days ago she and her brother and sister and I watched the 1948 version. When they asked why I liked shows in black & white I tried to convince them IT WAS in color and that they weren't eating enough carrots. They didn't buy it, or eat more carrots the next day. It also might have been because I didn't have any carrots :-(

So I allowed her to be stubborn, just not disrespectful, and in time she put hers "kids" to bed, telling them "mommy" wanted to watch the movie with "gwandpa".

During all of this, I didn't take or make any phone calls, or answer any text messages or emails. My entire focus was on her.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm missing "out there". By the time I put my children to bed, and if I haven't fallen asleep with them, it's usually too late to get back to anyone. And when I don't have them I'm up late getting the research and writing done I should have when I was with them.

But tonight as I watched Sofia fall asleep while I rubbed her belly, I realized whatever I'm missing "out there" can't compare to what I'm NOT missing "in here", what my children are not missing inside of them.

And inside the walls of my small two-story home, there are enough lessons, laughs and loving moments to last a lifetime.

I'm sure it will last even longer than that each time my children tell their children stories about how grandpa taught them and loved them when they were young.




And right now, that's most important to me.


One day these days of ours will end,
and with that thought this thought is penned.


When we are young and covered in love,
we completely believe we are gifts from above.


So on this day we have today,
we have to laugh and have to play.


We know this today is a precious gift,
it won't come again so we unwrap it swift.


I cover you in the love a good father should,
covering you in the preciousness of your childhood.

In the morning I wrap you in a gentle bear hug,
and at night we lay together in a night-time snug.


And on the day these days of ours ends,

there'll be no troubles, no worries, our love can't transcend.


- Adam Stuart
(written for Sofia, whose father has had 15 wonderful straight days of her presence in his home, and treasuring each one very much)