LIFE Shaking Us AWAKE

I was responding to a friend asking me who was Baby Kaleb. As I wrote back I began to realize something, making me think back .....

(my response, and a picture of my own little Rat Pack at dinner)
He's a baby who was shaken by his baby sitter and has gone thru a lot...but now getting better.....chuckling to myself (as I started to make the following connection)....

.....just like all of us....we've all been shaken in some way...........and if we weren't shaken too hard and no permanent damage occurred, we can heal....
....and thinking very rarely does life shake up so hard that we become (permanently) broken....and maybe even that life shakes us when we're ignoring our inner guides/feelings/intuitions ......

......life shakes us awake, making us conscious, waking us up to consciousness.......ending relationships, careers, and other choices we've made that aren't right for us anymore (but can't see it)...

(and now my thinking back)
Not sure if this makes sense, but after I hit "send" I thought, "I should have saved that to remember later". After I clicked "save" I thought, "Why are you saving this? Either share this thought through a post now or expect it to get lost in that hidden Land of Narnia you call your computer".

It's still hard for me to believe that the thoughts I have make sense to, or are of interest to anyone other than, myself. I remember being so mentally jazzed by a movie called "Mind Walk" that on the drive home I couldn't stop talking about it. My first ex-wife couldn't stop looking at me with a blank stare and telling me I was talking too much.

She and I are good friends now, but after I write 90% of my thoughts I still think, why would anyone want to read this, and click the "save" button, keeping them locked away, forgotten and unshared with someone it might help or passed along to someone that it could.

I have an idea! Why not truly become great friends, even best friends, BEFORE marrying someone? If the great/best friend part doesn't happen, then maybe the marriage part shouldn't either. Brilliant! I bet no one's thought of that before...........They have?.........I'm the last one to realize this?...........Well, better late than never I suppose.

Having a sense of humor about yourself helps heal the bruises. And maybe the "bad" things that happened to us weren't really so bad. Maybe what we see as the "tragic" events of our lives was LIFE waking us up to things we couldn't see for ourselves.

I'm listening to the KanYe West song I put on my MySpace page, called "Stronger". That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Sometimes we wish it would kill us, because then the pain would stop. But if we can hold on, sometimes just one minute longer, we DO become stronger.

So even after two failed marriages, I'm strong enough to trust in another's love again.

Even though the second marriage put me in the hospital with a heart attack, I've come back to life and am healed from my being shaken.

Man, talk about life literally nearly shaking you to death like a rag doll and saying, "You want to love and value someone more than you love and value your own life? Fine! You want to work yourself to death trying to make something work that isn't supposed to? Alright, tough guy. Let me introduce you to a REAL Bad Ass - DEATH!"

So Yes! I'm strong enough to try love again......YES! Bring on the next Ex-Mrs. Stuart.......Ooops, I mean Mrs. Stuart............O.K. Maybe I'm not quite all the way healed yet in the trust department (totally laughing at myself right now :)-

But I do know I am strong enough to hold on, for one minute longer at a time, to the belief that my greatest strength, my greatest gift called LOVE, isn't also my greatest weakness, and the cause of my inevitable and impending demise the next time I allow myself to risk it all.....

I'm just a little worried that if I strike out a third time I might get thrown out of the game entirely, the umpire saying, "Get this idiot out of here. He doesn't deserve to play anymore."

So shaken and stirred, but not broken, I share this with you, NOT that you might feel sorry for me in any way. Feeling sorry for someone NEVER helps them get stronger. And why would you feel sorry for someone who has become healthier, happier and wiser? Yes it happened through pain, pain I wished would have killed me at times so it would stop hurting so deeply. But which has given me greater strength, greater power, greater happiness, and a greater vision of what it means to REALLY live!

I'm even MORE loving now, appreciating what a valuable treasure it is, and realizing that although we can't control what we get from others, we can control what we give. It's not about becoming hardened inside, just more insightful as to who you give yourself to.

So if anything, send vibes of healing my way, just as I do to all of you who have been shaken in some way. And thanks to a new friend request who has "Express what you feel, when you feel it" on their page.

It gives me the courage to express these thoughts I'm feeling right now. ....and seeing life's shaking as a way of waking us up to things we aren't seeing for ourselves.

We needn't be bitter by it, just heal FROM it, and be grateful FOR it.

Too many of us are living in a dream-like state, instead of consciously creating and living in a state of our greatest dreams.

Just don't shake a kid. Life, the next time you want to shake a kid, shake me. Someone like me has a better chance of surviving it. We've shown that. We've earned the right to risk trading our lives for that of a child's. If you're going to shake them, just shake em a little, you know, hide their bear or something. (All of my children have the look of their mother, thankfully. But all of them have my personality, or inner look, which I've "lived" to think is pretty damn good, and the only one that matters to me.)

In Our Now, Forever

In Our Now, Forever

In your eyes I am moonlight dancing,
In your laughter, children at play,
In your arms, the sun rising,
In your kiss, dreams brought to day.

In my eyes you are stars burning,
In my laughter, everyday joy,
In my arms, destiny's yearning,
In my kiss, my Helen of Troy.

In our complexity we are simplicity,
In our separation, together,
In our touch, electricity,
In our now, forever.



© bartoluciano

This is a beautiful piece of art that I feel compelled to pass on. The photos are by Odyssey Spirit and the poem by Bartoluciano. Enjoy their gifts.....fully. They have them for a reason. After all, we are forever only really in our NOW.

Allow it to put you in this moment of love, and look at the images that play in your head. They are the clues to what you're really looking for, what you're still fearful of, if you're living in the present but emotionally detached, or still living in the past and creating more of what you don't want by living in an overly emotionally reactive state and afraid of the future.

So many people won't make it to the end of this day (@160,000). Be brave, step forward into the moments of today, into the light of all the opportunities and possibilities that exist, waiting for your vision, your heart and your talents to create THE POSSIBILITY into A REALITY.

Be it a new song, a poem or a story, a child protected, an adult enlightened, or humanity more confident and less frightened. You are a human being, who is being asked by the world to be a human BEING. And today is your day to do it. No one else has your unique gifts as only you can uniquely give them.

Forgive yourself and others for the pain of the past, setting them down for now or letting them go entirely. Set healthier, more empowering boundaries for yourself to keep the painful actions from continuing in your life, and allowing only positive thoughts and actions in.

Today is your day. Be brave. Be the real you. The one that came to this world unafraid. If today is your last, please let it end with your face in the sun, arms held out high to the side, not seeking acceptance from your fellow man but giving assistance to him through the explosion of the gifts inside of you.

Explode your best self upon the world. We need you.

The Self Alone Exists

Before the world was created, the Self Alone existed; nothing whatever stirred. Then the Self thought: "Let me create the world." He brought forth all the worlds out of himself: Ambhas, high above the sky; Marichi, The sky; Mara, the middle region that is earth; And Apa, the realm of waters below.

-Aitareya Upanishad

Did you know that in the first moments when we wake up, we have to actually REMEMBER our problems, and become stressed? This is hard scientific evidence that we really do create the worlds we live in. Our dominant thoughts and feelings dominate how we see our reality. And this either empowers or disempowers us in the pursuit of achieving our dreams.

The brain processes 400 billion bits of information a second but we're only aware of 2,000 of those bits. And most of these bits are of the environment, time and our physical bodies. - Dr. Joe Dispenza (undergard in biochemisty, post grad training in anatomy and physiology, neurochemisty, neurophysiology, and genetics)

So many of us simply accept what we see as a set reality and unable to change it very much, feeling helpless; the mind being just a reflex organ that reacts to everything it sees.

I've heard "Every day is a new life to the wise man". With the new lives I've seen in students created by making the choice to see their worlds as full of potential, this is becoming truer every day.

This picture is from a student's web page, called "LIVE LIFE TO DA FULLEST". I had Michael two years ago, and told him if I ever found him not living his dreams, I would come after him and make him, even pulling him over a fast food counter as an adult (he told me his biggest dream was becoming a chef). He had come too far in one year to ever allow his dream space to get small again; going from "F's" to "A's", and from being someone who said "he'd try" (but didn't succeed) to someone who said "He'd Do", and DID!

I think his title lets me know he still believes. I encourage you to add him as a friend, letting him know other incredible people believe in him as well. You can find him among my top friends on MySpace.

And if children are capable of doing this, so are we adults. (Rarlynn, another amazing student from two years ago)

"Throw out everything you don't need in here (the mind) that is keeping you from this moment....You'll be amazed at what you can do....This moment is the only thing that matters." (from the movie Peaceful Warrior)

In those first few moments of each new dawn, the self alone exists. Let your first thought be:

Today, out of myself, let me create my world.

Wishing you Zen and Inner Strength......and Miracles in Your Life,

- Adam

Give Without Seeking Anything in Return

There is a big difference between an opinionated person and a person with intelligent opinions. One seeks to limit the world according to their views. The other wants to widen the way in which the world can be viewed. Which one are you?

Your world is the size of your mind. How big can you get it? How beautiful and amazing can it be? How much fun can you create in it? How much can get accomplished? What kind of people are in it with you? This last point is crucial. What kind of people are you allowing into your world, giving your time to that you will never get back? Are these people adding to or taking away from your life?

Are YOU adding to or taking away from others lives? This is why being genuine is crucial. You can fool the world by pretending to be something you're not, and pretend to give freely while secretly seeking only to take.

But the wise old Universe can see, and see you are attracting others such as thee, and soon your life is filled with false friends and takers, that only serve to make your life a living hell in the making.

Give to someone today without seeking anything in return. I really think it sends out such strong vibrations of purity at the cellular level that it's picked up by others' cells and sent back.

But it's sent back even stronger, affecting more than just the two people involved. Recent emails and comments I've received have empowered me with perfect timing, and are affecting all those who see them, from the blogpots to MySpace.

When you believe in something (or someone) with your very cells IT HAPPENS, THEY HAPPEN! How else do you explain phenomena like what's been happening with my students and others across the world year after year? It's an emotional storm of belief passed from inside the teacher to the inner world of the student, repeated over and over with EACH one in the room.

As I am in the middle of a battle called grad school finals, I see a bigger battle looming on the horizon, the start of a new school year. We all have our battles coming to us; this is mine. As I prepare myself for a new class of students, it is the incredible comments from incredible people that give me the strength to believe I can once again create a genuine emotional storm of belief in everyone with my very cells, and be intelligent enough to see how to get that fiery storm into the hearts and minds of each one at their very cells.

This is how students become unstoppable, children feel loved, marriages survive, impossible battles are won, and worlds are changed.

Thank you for all those giving freely to me. You are changing my world and the worlds of all I touch, including my grandmother's who was waiting for my call goodnight, felt the good vibrations you've given me, and felt confident that, "Tomorrow's going to be a very good day."

Baby Kaleb Needs ALL of Your Inner Strength

Baby Kaleb is back in the hospital (see A GIANT LEAP BACK). A victim of baby shaken syndrome from a non-family member, he and his family need all the inner strength each and every one of us has.

Maybe I'm asking because I feel mine running out. I feel great sadness. My friend Liz just wrote a post asking for one word that describes us. "LIFE!" burst from my heart over and down my arms out to my fingers as I typed my singular definition.

With LIFE we have everything. Without it we have nothing. So after punching a door and with tears in my eyes I send this to you. Send him the strength to fight for his life. Send it now, and send it strong.

BRING ON THE PAIN!

I received a comment from a good friend on my "The Power of Life" post. He felt bad for me and encouraged me to stay strong and positive, which is a nice thing to say. But I wanted to make it very clear, that being in pain is not necessarily bad. It is in dealing with the pain in your life YOU BECOME STRONGER and MORE POSITIVE. And as your strength increases, so does your ability to cause GREAT change in your life, and hence THE WORLD that interacts with you. (By being a happy and strong person, I believed we could combine great fun with great learning in the classroom)

Pain is an incredible tool to produce miracles. Life IS NOT a pursuit of trying to avoid pain or feel sorry for those that have it in their lives (I was sent to the principal's office at least three times for "expecting too much" from Kenny, yet constantly questioned by other teachers and students if I really ever taught anything because there was so much noise and laughter coming from the room).

The principal chose to trust me. As much as I respect any boss, I was strong enough to believe in myself whether my boss and others did or not. Since I used to crumble when my wives didn't believe in me, I can only attribute this HUGE amount of growth from going through and overcoming MORE fear, doubt, worry and pain involving the loss of my children from my everyday life. Going from a half-million dollar home to a rented room in a neighborhood known as "Crime Hills" didn't hurt me anywhere near this much. (I was too hard on Ryan in the beginning and had to go through the pains of learning a different approach. We ended the year very close.)

I finally learned not to feel sorry for myself (thanks Mom and Dad for saying things I needed to hear). I certainly don't want anyone else feeling sorry for me now. That can only bring me back down and weak. Too many students need me to believe in them. How long can I do that feeling so bad about my situation that I can't sleep at night?

Every person knows how hard it is to hold onto their dreams with each passing year. It is less painful to let them go as foolish and unrealistic than it is to hold on to them. And the more you do make them come true and begin succeeding you WILL have to deal with the pain of critics who really just wish they could be more like you.
(Jessica is a GENIUS! She would create characters to go along with her stories, testing at the very top of the country in reading, and at the highest level you can in math - her WORST subject at the start of the year!)

The main reason they're not more like you is not because they don't have your potential, it's because they haven't put themselves through the process of dealing with their everyday pain as well as you have, and in process, getting strong enough to develop said gifts. This is exactly what I was talking about in "Give One More, To One More". That's why I feel "potential" is nothing. What you do with your potential is everything. (Serena WILL become ANYTHING she wants)

In fact, the more pain, the greater the opportunity for growth. The bigger the obstacle, the bigger you can become. I read somewhere that "you're as big as the obstacle that stops you". I've never forgotten it.

So I put my students through more pain and expectation than they have ever had before.
(I taught Haseeb like Denzel Washington coached his players in "Remember the Titans". This is what worked for him, what he needed. He was accepted to private middle school and Denzel's signed picture is in the room.)

At the same time they experience more fun and laughter than they ever had, probably since Kindergarten, simply because I have taken the pains to learn each of their motivations and learning styles, teach them that way, and then teach them how to motivate and teach themselves.

This produces a great flow of real learning versus trying to force it. As a result, I am allowed to operate as a doctor and strength-coach, identifying and working with individual needs versus standing in front of the room and "teaching" all day. (Kenny, one of my biggest challenges and one of the ones I miss most, grew more in overall reading and math than any other student in the entire 5th grade). I just put a slide show on MySpace (click here) in celebration of their achievement as being one of the highest growing classes in Orange County, FL (the other O.C. :-)

So I say, "BRING ON THE PAIN!" If it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger. I have found this to be very true. I know pain can hurt, but it can't kill. Only you can do that. And ONLY YOU can use it to allow you to grow and become more enlightened, more peaceful, and much happier in the long run, which is TODAY! I have wanted it to kill me in the past because then I wouldn't have to feel it anymore. But I held on one more day, sometimes even one more hour. But I did. (Mighty Malcolm, like myself, wasn't so mighty in the beginning. By the end he was!)

Now I am a healthier and happier person with healthier and happier children, other kids no longer being abused, students in the top of the county and country and I bet the world, straight A's in a tough masters program, and two book series in process. All from struggle, all from pain, all from overcoming fear, doubt and worry - three of the worst drugs you can take into your mind.

So bring on the pain. Bring on the badness. I will not intend or desire any of it, but by Buddha and God and any other enlightened being I can learn from and grow, I WILL SUCCEED. I WILL LIVE WHILE I'M ALIVE. I will live ALIVE-ING versus DYING.

We don't enter school knowing how to do and deal with everything. We don't leave school knowing all of it either. Life is a process, a wonderful adventure that includes scaling cliffs and climbing mountains as much as it does swimming in the ocean and walking through a meadow of flowers.

No matter what mountain you're being asked to climb, CLIMB IT! And when you get to the top, reach out help others up. We are all capable of being more than we're living now, and more greatness than we could ever imagine. Our success is only starting.

There's Zen in Fire! All the time!

*P.S. If you'd like, here is the link to their stories from about Christmas to the end of the year, Stuart's Spectacular Students (I had the strength to know they would be spectacular and hold onto that vision, until they saw it and believed it too. Thank God for the pain I've been through.)

Their stories from the first of the year to Christmas are on Samurai Teaching ~ Sensational Living. This blog got so big I had to make the other. The link to the first student story on the Samurai blog is "The Winners of Washington Shores.'"

The Power of Life

Life is like a flower and blooms just the same.
It has to be protected from harm and fed with love;
love for yourself and love for others.
Life is much more than a shallow game for fame.

Bloom Fully.
Bloom Free.
Bloom and Be the Most Beautiful Flower,
You Can Possibly Ever Be.

Have the Courage to Do This,
and Give Others Courage to Bloom too.

Have the Strength to Believe This,
and Together Give the World a more Beautiful Hue.

- Adam Stuart

I wanted to say a quick hello to a friend who had sent me a nice message a few days ago. I noticed on her MySpace page she was "angry" (and believe me, she has good reason to be, and the reason she first contacted me).

As I began to type I was looking at a picture of a flower, and the above poem flowed out, replacing the intended quick "hello" (I added to the poem as I was writing this post, feeling more, flowing more). Beauty is being redefined for me all the time, and I want to thank all the beautiful people who awaken me, nourish me, inspire me, and cause me to think differently. This is done with your words of thanks and appreciation, inspiration and encouragement. And some of you do it without ever having to contact me, just by incredibly being incredibly who you are, already blooming as your most beautiful selves.

Believe me when I tell you, these things mean more to me than I can measure, taking the $4.50 my body is worth chemically and helping me make my spirit truly priceless and invaluable, as it should be. The trouble is we're all only worth as much as we believe we are, by how much we think we are worth in this world. So we irrationally pursue money, fame and material possessions as this measure of how worthwhile we are, ignoring our inner dreams and inner growth. There is NOTHING WRONG with money, fame and possession, only in HOW it is attained, and at what cost? But that's another write for another time.

Rich and famous, poor and anonymous, far too many of us feel worthless, trying to live up to media images of what we should be, while tearing down those still unafraid to pursue their own inner dreams. I've felt as worthless as anyone in the not-so-distant past, and am now only just beginning to really feel the pricelessness and uniqueness of my own soul; like I did when I was a child and told I could be anything I wanted to. I believed it then, and am beginning to believe it again, and believe it or not, you're helping me believe it.

The person I was responding to this afternoon had commented on my "There is Zen in Fire" post, asking me how I "...stay so positive in such a world." Although my comment back was a positive and short one:

"by learning to live in the now, this moment, in zen - and then in this moment fully, think, see and expect ONLY what I WANT and not regretting the past or fretting the future. kinda like dreaming big, doing big and becoming big (my class motto 4 my students) "

As I think of the cause of her anger, I am enraged, and not being able to do much about it right now, want to expand on my answer in hopes of shedding light and possibly strength for all of us to keep fighting the good fight, no matter how hopeless and futile it may seem at times.

I want to say that it's not easy, it's Hoover Dam hard, and is a daily choice that needs to be made (Sofia and I had just watched Madagascar, where I got the "Hoover Dam" line from :-).

My darling 5-year-old was the last to go again this time, and cried in my arms yesterday, saying she wanted to see her mommy but wanted to still be with me. I stayed with her, dancing with her and holding her, holding back my own tears while trying to convince her how wonderful it was that we love each other so much that it hurts this much to leave. I reminded her to look at the moon and know Daddy was there looking at her, watching her, protecting her, and loving her. This only seemed to hurt her worse as she squeezed more tears from her eyes and buried her face in my chest.

As I got on my bike and headed to class, I didn't want to hurt, I wanted to hate. I didn't care that it could be worse and that others have it worse. I cared that my child had to go through this, that I had to go through this. I couldn't pretend not to have this pain. It was real and it was gripping. I punched my handlebars and roared my way to class 30 minutes late. When I came home I saw her unfinished animal crackers still on the dining room table. I wanted to pretend she is upstairs sleeping (I can't seem to change the "is" to "was". I think I'm still pretending she's here).

All I want is to crawl into her bed every night and wrap her in my arms, whispering "Daddy loves you" until she turns and wraps her small arms around my neck like she does when she's here.

But as I looked around and had to deal with the reality that she is gone, that all of them are gone, I set my helmet down and felt myself becoming the thing I hate, the thing I fear. It is "The Warrior Standing Alone.

Bleeding so much on the inside it seeps out of his skin and onto the ground from his fingertips. Raising his face in the night rain and screaming for the gods to stop the pain. Going into his cave and rolling the Hittite's clever stone. Covering the entrance and keeping the world from causing him more pain.

Exhausting himself fully living, he has finally run out; out of energy, out of love, out of belief or spirit. And for what? There is no one there to love him now, no one there to fill him back up. He has learned to trust no one, other than the heart of a child. For the sin of being himself and trusting others, he has been punished by both God and Zeus.

Looking in the mirror and seeing only Sisyphus, he realizes he has been condemned for eternity to push a monstrous boulder up a hill all day only to have it fall back down the next. He has accomplished nothing, tried but failed, and now only tired and frail. With the last of his life force dripping out of him like blood from his fingertips, he holds one solitary hope of a warrior, that a good death finds him in the end, by the way he lived before that meeting takes place."

- Adam Stuart (I'm embarrassed to claim it, but unapologetic for my feelings; their painful depths letting me know just how alive inside I still am)

These are foolish and dangerous thoughts, and proof to me that no man is an island, that no person can go it alone for too long. And it is your comments that give me the strength to go on sometimes when I need it most. We need each other if we are going to survive, no matter how positive or smart or strong we are separately.

It is also proof to me that the devil lives no where else and is real no where else other than inside your own head. My own thoughts and fears, brought on by pain and exhaustion, will be the living death of me, my strength and spirit, if I am not strong enough to fight it. I will end up giving up, and going through the motions of life, becoming a member of the already too-crowded walking dead.

Combine this depth and hardness of emotion with doing deep meditation and (foolishly?) hard-core Navy Seal and Animal© workouts to release this pain and frustration, and I'm really waking up feeling not so good sometimes. If I want more, I have to become more, which includes using pain instead of letting it use me.

There will be pain as long as there is life. Let me allow it to make me grow, and not avoid it by hiding in the temporary escape of drugs and drunkenness, night-time TV and strangers in the night, wallowing in self-pity and playing the victim, or tearing down and hurting others just so I can feel better. None of these can offer me any healing or permanent change. The problems will still be there, and that Hoover Dam boulder will be back at the bottom of the hill again.

So sometimes I wake up saying "Shitaki Mushrooms" sometimes (another Madagascar line - my students might read this so I keep it clean for them). How am I going to do anything today? How am I going to enjoy life and fight the good fight? A sense of humor helps quite a bit, as does music that makes your body move, and listening to or reading some enlightened being's words that clear the clouds of everyday life from your head.

But the greatest power that powers life is love, self-love being most important. Love is never outside yourself. We can't get it from others, only connect to its vibrations from others by opening our own hearts to ourselves. No matter how much others send us loving vibrations, we will never feel them if we don't first feel it from ourselves.

So on those days I wake up without that get-up-and-go or in my children's AMAZING love flow, it's the beautiful flowers blooming in the form of your wonderful comments that give me my answer to how I'm going to live today:

By allowing myself to believe in myself at least as much as others do
and by believing in myself more than others who might not do.

My time on earth is short, and I can become myself or become forgotten. And for one more day I can deal with the pains of life in ways that bring change, evolution and greater pleasure to my mind, body and soul. And I can start now by THINKING ONLY of what I want, SEEING ONLY what I want, and EXPECTING ONLY what I want to happen. Just like building wealth or a relationship, getting in shape or getting a pilot's license, it's created from daily creations.

Let's do as much as we can, giving as much as we can to ourselves and others, and we will find others giving back to us when we need it the most. And together we will nourish each other and create a more beautiful world .

And it won't be so hard to stay so positive in such a world. I'm willing to fight for that, to fight for love. It is The Power of Life.