I Met a Man

I wanted to add something to my original post, "Be MORE of a MAN". The feedback has been remarkable, especially on MySpace, due to real men AND women sharing the post with so many others; Dodinsky, Lee, Senor WHO, Baby Blue, Kim, So Very Kerry, etc.

I want to tell you something I've come to realize, and just learning how to appreciate. Every sincere, positive comment you make to another person has the real ability to make a sincere, positive impact in the world. It literally spreads light in dark places. Even though it may seem small and insignificant, it is HUGE!
Someone tried to share my post with an ex-husband in hopes he would become a better man and father. Unfortunately his reaction was to be a tough guy, which is not what being a man is all about.

Fortunately another person, Stevie XXX, a beautiful woman who is even more brilliantly beautiful on the inside, chose to be "more of a man" in her reaction, and is responsible for inspiring the original, "Be MORE of a MAN" post. She is in a relationship, and I feel comfortable saying our friendship is genuine, and therefore her compliments are real, and empowering. Without her choosing to feel inspired versus threatened, and sharing that with me, she wouldn't have inspired a write inside of me that seems to have affected inspiration inside of so many others.

Every person who has made a positive/constructive comment and message since it's posting HAS made the world a better place by CHOOSING to see what he or she could get out of it, and then spreading whatever light it had onto others (I think a testimony of what's good about the internet/MySpace v. what's wrong with it).

It doesn't matter whether or not the people it was passed onto know who wrote it. It only matters that it was written, was passed on, and was built upon. I tell my students I don't care if they remember me. I care that they remember who they are, and everything they are capable of becoming.....And if they do give up later in life, they better remember me because I'm coming for them :-) They weren't losers or allowed to quit when I taught them, they're not losers now and I will not allow them give up now.

And if you're a long-time reader, you know my definition of a "man" is much broader than what my latest post could communicate. As Yanni said, "There are as many ways to live life as there are people on this planet."



In honor of the man who taught me how to be a man, I'm reposting, "I Met a Man", which is about someone who is in no way a "bad ass", "well-educated", "rich", etc. We all have our own definitions inside of us as to what a man is, and instead of the media, we only have to listen to our souls for the answer as to what that is for us.

And just as when I wrote this for him a year ago, the letters on the keyboard are becoming blurry as I am overcome with the realization of how much of a real man he is, and someone I strive to be more like every day.

I knew him for more than 20 years before I really met him, and saw him for everything he really was.

This is the day I Met a Man.....

More often I seem to be asked where my good qualities come from. I've never known how to respond, and honestly it's probably been because I didn't believe I really had them.

Certain life events caused me to doubt myself. I mean, how good could I really be to have co-created three children I could not love more than I do, fallen in love with two others (step-daughters), yet after two failed marriages, go to bed and wake up without any of them?

"It must be me. It must be me. I don't deserve to have them."

This all changed by certain positive events that began happening at the beginning of 2007, and culminated with my recent trip to Illinois (see "Renaissance Man"). And because of this I have changed how I see myself. I am, exactly as I am, and it's pretty darn good.

So how did I get this way? It's because I met a man....

I met a man who fathered and loved four children of his own, took on two foster children, got laid off from his factory job more than once, and even became a garbage man to take care of his family.

I met a man who called me one night, asking if he should take on a two-year old who was being beaten by his alcoholic mother. The state had nowhere to place him, and knew he already had two foster children that he and his wife were caring for and loving as their own.

Being in business school and being trained to be a "realist", I responded with a flat out and very confident "NO!" I told him he was already getting into Heaven and he had no more to give. He would bury himself and his family if he took this burden on. He said "OK", and we said goodbye.

He took the two-year-old into his home anyway.

I raced to his home and came in without knocking. I was angry. I was upset. This was a good man, but he was being a fool. As I called out for him a little kid I didn't recognize came toward me and bashed his head against my thigh. I looked down at the top of his dirty-blond head of hair and pushed him away. "This must be the kid. And he's screwed up to boot", I thought.

I looked down and realized he had left snot on my pants. "Arggggghh." Now I'm really upset as the man I came to tell off came into the room, with a peaceful and happy look on his face.

"I see you met Jamie", he said.

"Yes, I have. And his runny nose. Why did you do this?" I glared at him incredulously.

The man looked back into my glare, and said softly, "Because we have more than he does", his eyes suddenly becoming wet.

"Loving man, but a very, very stupid man", I screamed in my head as I walked away before saying it out loud.

Knowing I didn't like this "new addition" to their family, this man and his wife asked me to stay with "Jamie" while they went to work. I very reluctantly agreed, dropping onto the couch, still angry, still confused as to why this man did the exact opposite of what I had advised.

"He's not as smart as I am. That's why. He didn't even go to college. He can't even spell and never reads. I don't like this man very much anymore. He is very little and he will always have very little because he gives what little he has away to 'people who have less'. What a fool! I hope I never become like him."

As I was sitting there lost in these thoughts, "Jamie" had climbed up beside me and was staring at me, accepting me completely even though I had yet to say one word to him. He pointed at some books on the coffee table.

"I'm not reading to you kid. I have plenty of my own reading to do from school. You think I'm going to waste my time reading to you? I'm sorry your mom beats on you. I really am. But you're taking this man and his entire family down. Don't you get it? I can't believe no one else was willing to take you. The agency knows this man is a sucker. They probably didn't even call anyone else."

I said this all in my head, while just looking at this kid and being disgusted by his still runny nose.

He pointed again, and began trying to grab one of the books and give it to me. I pushed it away. But he persisted until it was finally too much, and I broke my silence as I reached past the children's books and picked up the thick Sears Catalog.

"Fine! You want me to read to you? I'll read to you. Ooohhh. Look at the yellow dress. And Wow! Would you just look at this spectacular lawn mower. Holy cow! I don't think I've ever seen a pair of more boring-looking plain black men's dress shoes."

"This will teach him", I thought. I didn't know why I was mocking him, but I was. I turned my head expecting to see his little devastated face, realizing that he didn't deserve to be here. That he didn't deserve to be putting such a financial and emotional strain on this man and his family.

But as I looked over and down, I saw a smile. I saw eyes bright with wonder. I saw concentration and excitement on his face.

"Oh my God! This kid has never been read to. He has no idea this isn't a children's book. He's totally happy just being given attention."

I couldn't continue "reading". I could no longer speak, the lump that had formed in my throat hurt so bad I couldn't even swallow. I fought hard to fight back the tears.

"Because we have more than he does", sounded in my head.

"Because we have more than he does", the words drifted down to my heart, allowing me to really hear them for the first time, allowing me to really understand everything that they meant.....

"Because we have more than he does", made me turn away from Jamie, my father's words making me realize I'm not even half the man he is, and now unable to stop the tears from coming down my face.

"My father IS a MAN. My father is teaching me what it means to be a REAL man. I can only hope to be the man he is, but I will spend the rest of my life trying. I hope I can become the man he is."

I put down the Sears Catalog and picked up a children's book. I don't know what it was. I don't know what it said. All I know is I put my arm around Jamie and pulled him close, and read past my tears and in my best story-telling voice, which was now full of loving emotion. I read to him like a man.

This is for you Dad (here with my mother, an equally amazing person). And if you ever find yourself wondering how I became what I am, go look in the mirror and say:

"My son met a man."

I hope I make you proud.

*And yes Ryan, I cried as I wrote this. I cried because my father taught me to be a real man, and as you said, "Real men shed tears"(see "Memories Made on Friday").



Copyright © March 2007 by Adam Stuart

**I don't know why this affects me so much, but it does. The lump in my throat is there again, the tears are there......and the thought that, "What if we all just became so unafraid to be our best selves, our real selves, that in meeting each other both our lives became better, and maybe even changed forever?"

Peace & Inner Strength,

Adam

The Game of Life

I finally got to reading my email this morning (thank you to all the truly WONDERFUL people who have written). I started to notice a common theme in my responses.

I grow with each challenge. Instead of my light being dimmed, I close my eyes and see a more beautiful world of what could be, and my light burns brighter.

All I know how to do is close my eyes to the ugliness of the what is, and open them to the beauty of the what if, and burn a light that shines so brightly that as much of the world is covered in light and love as can be, and a better world of the what if is created. (Bella singing along with Van Johnson to "Love is All")

And it is this internal light in each one of us that cannot be allowed to die out, that eternal summer that cannot be allowed to fade. Instead it needs to be fanned and flamed and shine so brightly within us that it explodes outside of us and on to the world. (Me imaging the day when I can play the Spanish/Classical guitar this well)

This Thursday for the second week in a row after an hour drive to Sofia's house, she wasn't there for Dad/Daughter's day and no one seemed to know where she was (out with mom somewhere or they forgot it was my day, etc).

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - MLK

One's capacity to have great courage cannot come without facing great fear. And one's ability to love greatly cannot come without choosing to remain loving in spite of being hated and treated unlovingly.

I resisted the temptation to bring in the lawyers and instead sent thoughts and vibrations one more time to the people involved that they were better than their behavior.........and all the love I could to my baby girl who would eventually come home, see the moon and think, "That's Daddy watching over me", and then wonder why she hasn't seen me, and be told Daddy "only sees her 4 times a month" (although since she was taken from the school where I teach it's been at least 11 times a month).

I have a lot to be angry and bitter about, but I choose not to be. I could choose to see the ugliness in others, but I choose to see the beauty within me, and within me see the beauty in others. I close my eyes to all that's wrong with the world of "what is" and open them to see a better, more beautiful world of what could be...The world of "What If?" I call it.

What if we could see solutions instead of problems? Spread light instead of darkness? Love versus hate?

So I spent the rest of Thursday focusing on what was perfect and beautiful in my world, which was my Iszabella-Esperanza, who had given up Chuckie Cheese to be with me. As difficult as it was to overcome the sadness and pain of missing Sofia, I ended up laughing and loving with Bella, and before we went to bed, I had received $200,000 for creating a new teaching method and bought a log cabin in the Western United States. I had also become an artist.

I also got remarried and had three more children, and somehow still ended up in Millionaires Row.........

Bella and I were playing the game of Life.......which is exactly what all of us are doing on a daily basis. But instead of a spin of the wheel determining what "spaces" we land on and what happens to us or what "we get in life", it is the choices we make in how to react to the spaces we land on that determines our fate.

Sometimes I feel like the warrior standing alone, and other times I feel connected in light and love to the entire Universe. I do know that with each challenge that I choose to face with Inner Strength.....courage and love....I grow and evolve.

Although sometimes you wish your challenges would kill you, know that if they don't, you do grow stronger. And if you don't face them, or choose to react to them in a space of hate and darkness (bitterness, anger, etc).....you grow weaker.

When Brosden and Bella ask me what I think of Sofia's mother, I tell them honestly that I don't think of her, that I think of my love for Sofia, and choose to trust Sofia knows how much I love her. When Sofia asks me what I think of her mother, I tell her honestly that I am glad I married her mom because if I hadn't I wouldn't know this great, amazing little girl called Sofia Katherine. (Brosden had carjacked their supermarket ride)

And when Bella received the Pulitzer Prize during Thursday night's game and asked what that was, I told her it was like prize fighting in boxing, but with really smart people throwing books at each other (Steven Wright joke)......


Tough times don't last, tough people do. And toughness isn't about physically, mentally or emotionally defeating your fellow man. Toughness is all about not allowing yourself or your fellow man to bring you down, and doing all you can to bring both yourself and him up.

These are from a post by Angel Love, which I saw Thursday, and helped keep my light from burning out.



"If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?"

-- Rob Bremer

Thanks to the power of our inner critics, most of us have a very poor opinion of ourselves. Yet self-contempt merely keeps us miserable and stuck in our mediocrity.

If we were to make only one change to transform the quality of our lives, we might try sending a little love our own way.

"A critic is a legless man who teaches running."

-- Channing Pollock

"Unkind criticism is never part of a meaningful critique of you. Its purpose is not to teach or to help, its purpose is to punish."

-- Barbara Sher

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

-- The Buddha

Entertaining God - Part 2

As Christ, Buddha, Ghandi, the Dalai Lama and even Zoroaster have said in one form or another, "With our thoughts we create our world." So I started thinking how I made it through the day before, hoping for inspiration to make it through another, and really thriving in life and helping others do the same versus just trying to survive in it.

I had gotten up at 330 to get caught up on my grad school research/writing. Didn't get nearly enough done before the coffee had worn off and time was running out to get to the gym before picking up Sofia for school.

Answered a few emails before I left and felt a new surge of energy from the positive thoughts of the messages I read.

Took that energy to the gym but at the end of the workout was staring at the 90 lb. dumbbells in front of me, wondering how in the helen of troy I was going to have the strength to lift them.

Started calling out the names of my students in barbaric yalps with each rep, thinking that if I could have the strength to lift these weights I could lift my students for at least one more day.

Finished and stumbled into the showers, mumbling a good morning to the anonymous old man next to me. Was greeted back with an explosive "Hello! How are you doing this fine morning young man?" Felt so uplifted by his good energy I started talking to him and found out yesterday was his 84th birthday. A BIG Happy Birthday to my new friend, Sandy Graves.

Took the energy I got from Sandy and gave it to my Sofia as she ran into my arms when I picked her up. Told myself I'd get things done on the 45 minute trip to school but found myself listening to her tell me all about her latest dream and everything she was excited about at school. Her excitement gave me the energy to give my full presence to a parent meeting before class began.

Found out this parent is truly dedicated not just to his son's education, but education in general, giving me hope that I'll stop being seen as unique and exceptional when he said that the way I teach should be the rule versus the exception. Gave me hope that I'll stop being seen as a renegade teacher who has impossible energy and that ALL children will be seen as and taught as if they are gifted, because THEY ARE!

Welcomed my students to class, fired up to have another day of positive creation, only to find out the 2nd and 3rd highest readers of the class in terms of effort are in the principal's office for a fight that involved being thrown over bus seats and bloody mouths.

All that effort being thrown away in one moment of loss of control and now in danger of getting themselves suspended. All that energy on all three of our parts now wasted. Felt glad I was so physically drained from the workout because I really wanted to throw a desk through the wall........

To Be Continued.........

Creating Our Lives

They say creativity keeps you young. As I approach my 40th birthday this week I have to say in many ways I'm feeling younger and younger. I attribute much of this to allowing myself to be creative, knowing each time I do, I get better and better at it.

This morning I was adding to my vision board, or treasure map, of what I want in my life. Using my computer's "paint" program, I began playing with an idea for the cover art for the Once Upon a Tree books I'm writing. Although it's only the second time I've used this, I allowed myself to have fun doing it, totally envisioning it as the real cover for the books that will bring so much enjoyment to their readers.

Since we are creating our lives with our every day thoughts and actions, why not have fun doing it? The day may not turn out to be the masterpiece we intended, but it does move us closer to learning how. "Groundhog Day" (1993) with Bill Murray is as good a movie as any for seeing how to do this.

After all, if we created the circumstances we are experiencing today by our "creations" of the past (thoughts, actions and choices), then we can create our futures exactly as we want it with our new creations today. This happens by focusing on what we want it to look like. If all we do is focus on the "what is" of our lives today, we only produce more tomorrows that look exactly like our todays.

Man, no wonder we get bored.

"How ya doin'?"

"Same old, same old."

Yuck! Let's take the time to appreciate what we like in our todays, and learn to turn what we don't like into what we do, by creating it in our thoughts and actions and choices.

"Make good choices, Honey."

As irritating and embarrassing as that was for us to hear when our mothers said it to us in front of our friends, nonetheless it is still true.

Just for today, let's all deliberately choose better thoughts and better actions. Let's give that big beautiful plant that wants to grow inside of us some real sunshine.

Then my friend,
in the end

You'll be delighted and surprised,
to find

At looking in the mirror,
and seeing

Not a picture of forgotten dreams,
and frowning

At all the things your heart knows you could have been,
but smiling

At the masterpiece shining brightly back at you
and seeing

Your biggest and best self,
has come true




"We are what we think.
All that we are arises
With our thoughts.
With our thoughts,
We make our world."
- The Buddha

Copyright © 2007 by Adam Stuart
All Rights Reserved

Happy Jack

This is the latest book in the "My Name is Jack" series. It's up-tempo, and meant to be read in a sing-song way. If you have kids, read it to them and see what kind of rhythm and dance is created from your two personalitites.

This book is a perfect example of how our thoughts create our world (paraphrasing enlightened souls from Buddha to Ben (Franklin) to the modern day phenom "The Secret" and "Law of Attraction". I started writing it on the airplane as a counting book using body parts. I kept a picture of Jack in my head and just wrote how I saw him react. I saw him kinda dancing, so I added the sing-song rhyme.

Then a mother and her three sons got on the connecting flight in Charlotte (This is my mother with one of her two sons; the really, really good son (me) who shaved his ugly old goatee because his mother asked him to).

One of the boys, named "Jack", sat directly in front of me. He was more lively than the previous seat owner from Orlando to Charlotte, and instead of letting it distract me, I allowed it to interest me, and lines such as ....."Stompin' to the beat, With my two feet, Clappin' hands together and Shakin' in my seat....." were born.

Hopefully I've been able to plant the seed that one can get themselves out of their own "grumpy" state (good message for children AND adults), as well as, and I really took my time on this last stanza, the idea of a forever, eternal and unconditional love existing between a parent and child.

Here it is................

HAPPY JACK

Ten tiny toes

One button nose

A couple of fists

And two elbows

One bright smile

A grin worthwhile

Showin' all my teeth

Just like a crocodile

Wigglin' my ears

And gettin' rid of all my fears

Creatin' happy music

Snappin' my fingers

Stompin' to the beat

With my two feet

Clappin' hands together

And a shakin' in my seat

Jumpin' up and down

Body turnin' all around

Got my hands raised up

Gettin' rid of all my frowns

Eyes shinin' bright

Reflectin' from the light

Feeling good inside

Everything is allright

Songs of joy and laughter

Just a bouncin' in my heart

So much love I'm feelin'

In my happy, happy heart

Cover me in kisses

And make this dance complete

From my knibbly-knobbly knees

To my pinchy-winchy cheeks

Cover me in kisses

And make this dance complete

From my knuckly little knuckles

To the tickles on my feet

Cover me in kisses

And look me in the eye

Tell me that you love me

And you will for all time

Copyright © 2007 by Adam Stuart
All Rights Reserved

Balance Your Mind ~ Fill it With Laughter

The balance. We all seek it, either consciously or unconsciously. And no one needs it more than those of us who work so hard to make our biggest dreams come true. As the bald and beautiful big-bellied Buddha said:

All that we are
arises from our thoughts.
With our thoughts
We create our world.
- Buddha ("The Awakened One")

So if the size of our world is truly the size of our mind, why not fill it with a wonderful balance of both dreams and laughter? Everyone has a genius, and comedians are certainly included. My favorites from the silent-film era are, in order:

Harold Lloyd







Buster Keaton (the only black & white star my children will watch, the others I put on when I want them to go to sleep :)







and Charlie Chaplin










My two favorite present-day comics are Eddie Izzard (who did the voice of the Koala bear in "The Wild") and Steven Wright. The hilarity of Eddie Izzard is absolutely impossible to convey in words. His timing and facial expressions transform the words he speaks into bursts of laughter from your mouth.







Steven Wright, however, is dry, monotone, and seems like he's either stoned or has some serious mental problems. His humor just kind of builds up; making you go from saying "what?", to chuckling, to laughing out loud. Here are a few of his thoughts.

When I was a little kid I wished the first words I ever said were "quote" so when I died I could say "unquote".

Lots of my friends have babies but I don't have any babies but I have lots of friends. Babies don't have any friends.

They all have those baby monitors so they can hear the baby in the other room which I consider a form of wiretapping.

Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with, just to mess with my subconscious.

It's a good thing lots of people speak foreign languages otherwise they'd have no one to talk to.

When I was in First Grade the teacher told us the President was married to the First Lady and all I could wonder is if she ever saw any dinosaurs.

She told us of Michaelangelo and the Sistine Chapel. That night I was lying on top of my bunk bed looking at my ceiling and I thought "why not".

I had my brother push the bed around while I painted Jesus and Santa Claus on a see-saw.

I had Jesus on the low end even though he weighed less, because he's "Jesus".

Jesus upset a lot of people in his time: "Jesus will you stop turning the water into wine? I'm trying to take a shower over here."

What did Jesus ever do for Santa Claus on his birthday?

Don't think about it. It doesn't mean anything.

*After I finished this my thoughts took me to my college site. Before I knew it these ideas were swirling together and connecting with higher-education to create "The Importance of Genius". Click the link to see where the journey took me. The University of Central Florida

It may take them a few days to post it.