Be MORE of a MAN

A comment any man would be ecstatic to receive on my latest MySpace post (The Game of Life) sent me on a mini-plea to my fellow man:

"Knowing others is wisdom; Knowing the self is enlightenment. Mastering others requires force; Mastering the self needs strength." - Lao Tsu

We men are manipulated into thinking we need to prove our manhood by conquering others through material possessions and titles. We strive to appear wise and forceful to the world in hopes the world will validate us as real men. We can't find that from the world, and only our strength allowing us to hold on to what's right will give us the enlightenment to validate ourselves. I don't want to be number one. As much as your comment means to me Stevie, I want all men to awaken from our disillusionment of what it means to be a man...and see with great clarity our true power to effect powerful love and positive change onto the world. We are physically strong for a reason.....not to destroy other men but to embrace and uplift all those around us....and to stop others from hurting and destroying the innocent ...yet the power of a woman is just as great, able to take a man who has let her in his heart and either crush him to the ground or give him wings of grandeur........and vice-versa for women who love a man....We all are equally important to each other......So very equally important

Then I read a post by Tarringo (I Hear You Crying) and realized what a real man he is. He is also gay. But how can a real man be gay? That goes against long-held traditional beliefs. A "man" is what society has told us it is, and we men strive to become that.

But no matter what your personal beliefs are, it matters that your beliefs come from a higher level of thinking.

I've encountered many men who spend their lives being tough guys, rich guys, sensitive guys, sexy guys and martyrs in an attempt to have the world, and more specifically women, tell them they are "men".

There's nothing wrong with any of these things by themselves. They're all great and should be developed in an attempt to become whole. But when they're pursued as an attempt to seek validation for one's manhood they become misleading.

The reason for this rant is that at times other men see me as threatening to their own manhood. Instead of becoming friends and encouraging each other to become our highest selves, they try to make me their enemy. I have no time to prove I'm more of a man than anyone else. And when you tell me you're going to kick my ass or kill me, you better do it, because I'm going to be more of a man by challenging you to be one too after you fail.

(student pictue removed)

Children are dying, women are being abused and men who don't do those things are spending their energy and talents not trying to stop it, but trying to prove they're more of a man than others. We spend our entire lives trying to prove we are better by having a better car, better wife, better job, better children, better income, better looking, better sensitivity, better heart, etc, etc, etc.

People are dying, people are being abused, and we "men" are so busy proving we're men that we can't hear the crying:

She brought you into this life

To love, to guide, and to Nurture

But the day she was taken from your world

Made living without her such torture

…..now motherless,

Looking down at her tombstone keeps the pain multiplying

I hear you crying

You still remember when you were five

The morning you woke up without her there

Leaving you in a world you did not select

With a pain inside filled with neglect

….. now motherless

You have to find a way to keep on trying

I hear you crying

You watched her stick needles in her arm

A mental abuse that brought you much harm

And the day she refused to seek help

Had you hopeless and feeling all alone

…now motherless

Sometimes you just feel like dying

I hear you crying

You remember every time he touched you

As a little girl you couldn't help but wonder

Why she would ever doubt you and refuse

To believe you suffered the sexual abuse

….now motherless

You turned to a life of prostitution and lying

I hear you crying.

©Copyright 10/07 Tarringo T. Vaughan

A Dawgmatic View Original

I believe this poet is a real man, because he can hear the crying, and is doing something about it through his poetry. I mean it when I call him my brother. I also mean it when things are "too bad", they are TOO BAD TO ALLOW TO CONTINUE, and must be stopped.

I'm not welcome in certain neighborhoods I go into to talk to parents who abuse their children or look for former students who have gone astray. I've even been told that if I ever come back I'm not leaving alive.

(student picture removed)

Well I can hear the crying, and guess where I got this MLK shirt?

Just as more hate cannot drive out hate, more violence cannot drive out violence. But violence is a reality throughout human history. And maybe it can serve a purpose. So I send out this challenge to my fellow man, the same challenge I give myself at 3am every day.

Today, be man enough to be more of a man than you were yesterday.

(student picture removed)

If you are threatened by another man, stop and think why he threatens you. Check your beliefs as to what it means to be a man, and look again to see with the eyes of a real man.

If someone has something you want, be happy for him that he developed talents that allowed him to get it, and spend your energy developing talents that will produce the same results.

If someone has beliefs that you don't want, see that your own beliefs aren't born from ignorance, and befriend him to better understand what his beliefs are.

And if you take on another man or even threaten him with violence, and he defeats you, don't get up and say you're coming back with more men, more guns, more lawyers, etc to do what you could not do.

YOU COME BACK MORE OF A MAN!

With more of a heart. More of a mind. More of a purpose in life than to protect your fragile sense of what it means to be a man that you're threatened by others who are different or better than you.

You become strong enough to stop being threatened by those who are different. Replace your ignorance with intelligence and learn the color of one's skin, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, etc have very little to do with what makes a man different than others.

Become man enough to stop being threatened by others who are better than you. Rid yourself of the desire to try to find faults and instead focus on where he IS better than you are. See him as a mentor, professionally or personally. You will find that you are better than he is at something, and he in turn can learn from you.

Everyone around us is better than we are at something.....Let's open up and learn from them.

We are better than everyone else around us at something...Let's share and teach them.

And let's make sure that what we admire in others really matters in the end. And let's make sure that our own talents really matter in the end.

Being a real man can be real hard and even real dangerous. It can get you hurt...and it can get you killed. But the reality is that thousands of innocent people are getting hurt and killed every day.

For 167,000 worldwide, today is their last day. If I'm among those today, I will not go out wasting my time worrying that someone else appears better than me, paining over past injustices, or being afraid of a tomorrow that may never come....Instead, I will focus all my efforts on being unafraid to live fully today by bettering myself and all those I come in contact with.

James died at 24. MLK at 39. I'm 40, and plan on living till 400. But I do know death is coming for me. Once a week I have to avoid a high-speed motorcycle crash into the car swerving into my lane. Last week I went home with chest pains and had to fight the fear of memories of a heart attack sidelined me five years ago.

But instead of being afraid of death, I plan on punching it in the face every time it comes for me. Death is not scary, being afraid to live is.

The man not afraid to kill is dangerous, but not scary. He can be defeated, and then enlightened.

The man not afraid to kill or die is both dangerous and scary, because he has nothing to lose. It is more difficult to defeat him, and even more difficult to enlighten him, so he must be loved, and given something to live for before he can be enlightened.

The man who won't kill, who has everything to live for, and is still unafraid to die....is special.....because he is real. And it is this man who has a real chance to make real positive changes in the world.

Today is very special. The only thing that matters, life, has been given to us. We must make it special by being more than we have ever been before. What stopped us in the past, fears, anger, bitterness, hurt....cannot be allowed to stop us today. We must live today as if we have been given ONE MORE CHANCE TO BECOME EVERYTHING WE'VE ALWAYS WANTED.....BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN THAT ONE MORE CHANCE.....TODAY!

I'm looking at a picture above my desk of James Dean getting into his car moments before he died in a crash. It's the last thing I'll look at before saying goodbye to Shanghai and heading to "work", or what I call, "You mean I spend my day making children smarter, happier and stronger...and I get paid to do it?"

We don't know when our day will come. But we do know that THIS DAY HAS COME, and another chance to start fresh, to become everything we've always wanted....and for us men....a chance to BECOME MORE of a MAN....and help this WORLD to become MORE.

The Game of Life

I finally got to reading my email this morning (thank you to all the truly WONDERFUL people who have written). I started to notice a common theme in my responses.

I grow with each challenge. Instead of my light being dimmed, I close my eyes and see a more beautiful world of what could be, and my light burns brighter.

All I know how to do is close my eyes to the ugliness of the what is, and open them to the beauty of the what if, and burn a light that shines so brightly that as much of the world is covered in light and love as can be, and a better world of the what if is created. (Bella singing along with Van Johnson to "Love is All")

And it is this internal light in each one of us that cannot be allowed to die out, that eternal summer that cannot be allowed to fade. Instead it needs to be fanned and flamed and shine so brightly within us that it explodes outside of us and on to the world. (Me imaging the day when I can play the Spanish/Classical guitar this well)

This Thursday for the second week in a row after an hour drive to Sofia's house, she wasn't there for Dad/Daughter's day and no one seemed to know where she was (out with mom somewhere or they forgot it was my day, etc).

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - MLK

One's capacity to have great courage cannot come without facing great fear. And one's ability to love greatly cannot come without choosing to remain loving in spite of being hated and treated unlovingly.

I resisted the temptation to bring in the lawyers and instead sent thoughts and vibrations one more time to the people involved that they were better than their behavior.........and all the love I could to my baby girl who would eventually come home, see the moon and think, "That's Daddy watching over me", and then wonder why she hasn't seen me, and be told Daddy "only sees her 4 times a month" (although since she was taken from the school where I teach it's been at least 11 times a month).

I have a lot to be angry and bitter about, but I choose not to be. I could choose to see the ugliness in others, but I choose to see the beauty within me, and within me see the beauty in others. I close my eyes to all that's wrong with the world of "what is" and open them to see a better, more beautiful world of what could be...The world of "What If?" I call it.

What if we could see solutions instead of problems? Spread light instead of darkness? Love versus hate?

So I spent the rest of Thursday focusing on what was perfect and beautiful in my world, which was my Iszabella-Esperanza, who had given up Chuckie Cheese to be with me. As difficult as it was to overcome the sadness and pain of missing Sofia, I ended up laughing and loving with Bella, and before we went to bed, I had received $200,000 for creating a new teaching method and bought a log cabin in the Western United States. I had also become an artist.

I also got remarried and had three more children, and somehow still ended up in Millionaires Row.........

Bella and I were playing the game of Life.......which is exactly what all of us are doing on a daily basis. But instead of a spin of the wheel determining what "spaces" we land on and what happens to us or what "we get in life", it is the choices we make in how to react to the spaces we land on that determines our fate.

Sometimes I feel like the warrior standing alone, and other times I feel connected in light and love to the entire Universe. I do know that with each challenge that I choose to face with Inner Strength.....courage and love....I grow and evolve.

Although sometimes you wish your challenges would kill you, know that if they don't, you do grow stronger. And if you don't face them, or choose to react to them in a space of hate and darkness (bitterness, anger, etc).....you grow weaker.

When Brosden and Bella ask me what I think of Sofia's mother, I tell them honestly that I don't think of her, that I think of my love for Sofia, and choose to trust Sofia knows how much I love her. When Sofia asks me what I think of her mother, I tell her honestly that I am glad I married her mom because if I hadn't I wouldn't know this great, amazing little girl called Sofia Katherine. (Brosden had carjacked their supermarket ride)

And when Bella received the Pulitzer Prize during Thursday night's game and asked what that was, I told her it was like prize fighting in boxing, but with really smart people throwing books at each other (Steven Wright joke)......


Tough times don't last, tough people do. And toughness isn't about physically, mentally or emotionally defeating your fellow man. Toughness is all about not allowing yourself or your fellow man to bring you down, and doing all you can to bring both yourself and him up.

These are from a post by Angel Love, which I saw Thursday, and helped keep my light from burning out.



"If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?"

-- Rob Bremer

Thanks to the power of our inner critics, most of us have a very poor opinion of ourselves. Yet self-contempt merely keeps us miserable and stuck in our mediocrity.

If we were to make only one change to transform the quality of our lives, we might try sending a little love our own way.

"A critic is a legless man who teaches running."

-- Channing Pollock

"Unkind criticism is never part of a meaningful critique of you. Its purpose is not to teach or to help, its purpose is to punish."

-- Barbara Sher

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

-- The Buddha

Taneicea's Poem ~ Thank You My Brother

"Thank you for freedom. Thank you for peace. Thank you my brother, for having this dream."

- Taneicea (January 21, 2008)



The importance of Martin Luther King, Jr. DREAMING BIG and DOING BIG is not only did HE become big, but it has allowed OTHERS to dream, do and BECOME BIG as well (Taneicea now unafraid to have her picture taken).

His passion turned him into an extraordinary person, giving this ordinary man EXTRAORDINARY belief that ALL students can be reached, which in turn has inspired this ordinary girl to climb EXTRAORDINARY heights.

We hold onto not only our own dreams, but THE DREAMS OF OTHERS AS WELL.

EVERYTHING you and I do today matters. Everything we do has an effect, either positive or negative. And what WE CAN DO TODAY is very small compared to what most actually WILL DO TODAY.

Make this day count......choose to have the courage to face your own fears.......because others are counting on it to help them face theirs!

I am so proud of how far Taneicea has come, both academically and personally. Her inner strength is allowing her to begin to feel AND TRULY BECOME UNSTOPPABLE! (Taneicea doing ANOTHER extra project AND asking to practice facing her fears again THE VERY NEXT DAY after crumbling to the floor in fear and "failure" the day before)

I can't believe I get paid to do this, and am grateful my career exists. MLK awakened the internal flames of so many.

I am sure he died believing we would continue doing the same, in hopes the entire world would be aflame in bright light....not by terrorist bombings and retaliatory missile strikes.....but by that "eternal summer (of hope, courage, accomplishment, love and evolution) that never fades" (Shakespeare)

And let's do it together, arm-in-arm. We are human beings, and need each other. Going it alone drains the very life out of you. We need each others' love and encouragement to keep going. And you never know what one thing you'll say or do that will stay with another person the rest of his or her life, affecting all the people that person affects.

Have the courage to be kind today! Effect an infection of inner strength based on honest appreciation for what is an unconditional belief in what could be. Do that....and "that" will be created!

Just look at what Taneicea has become in half of a year for all the proof you need.

I Use it as Fuel For My Dreams

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

-Unknown

Sometimes you "build" a door by knocking down the wall in front of you. Doing this takes great inner strength, and total commitment, two requirements I have for my students. I think by the end of September everyone had "knocked down" at least one of their "walls".

The classes on both sides asked us to stop (including my son's), the booming sounds being too distracting. Even Brosden has asked me just exactly what we do, because it sounds and looks like anything but traditional "learning" (he came in while I was rocking out to The Godfathers, unphased since I'm this way at home, and naturally started playing a golf game on probability I had prepared.)

Before he left I put in Sinatra and made him serenade the class with me.......and I wonder where he gets his crazy warrior, wildly romantic zest for life......

Usually after morning announcements the crew listens to "Birth, School, Work, Death" (The Godfathers, 1988 - London) while writing in their reflection journals. I want them to practice taking responsibility of their own learning by determining their greatest needs for that day and matching it with the data I have on each of them. This personalizes individual instruction and truly seems to internally motivate, being that they are collaboraters with versus simply "employees" being told what to do, how to do it, and when to do it....Hence the significance of the song.....Birth, School, Work, Death......

This song/journal exercise helps "grab" their hearts and minds to make that total commitment to using this day to step bravely and intelligently in the direction of their greatest selves, uncovering their biggest weaknesses, and truly spending the day turning those weaknesses into strengths (and great dance moves...go Luis...go Luis...)

Last week when the song ended I would put some of their new school photos up on the big screen and spontaneously break out in a hilarious Adam Sandler, SNL impression, saying such things as

I'm Smiley Boy. Look at me. I like to smile. I'm smiling so much I look like a plastic smiley doll......Buy my plastic smiley doll for your kids so they smile too.....Buy one for those frowney neighbor kids next door, and make it a smiley world!

I'm Happy Boy. I'm so happy I have happy written all over my face.....I'm learning so much and feeling so good I can't help but be happy....Be a happy boy like me!

I'm Happy Boy too. I've finally changed from just being a good little, do-as-I'm told student, to somebody who actually understands what he's learning and able to use it for higher thinking. I am now free to roam the room like a learning scientist today. Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty I am free at last! Come on and be free like me!

I'm Bill Gates. I think school is boring. I'm dropping out of Harvard and going to work on computers in my garage. If school's not fun and interesting, then it's a waste of my time. I'm determined to Do Big and make Mr. Stuart's class fun and interesting for myself.....and then own the world like Pinky and the Brain (obviously the voices start changing to match the characters).

Hey! Little Billy Gates, Smiley Boy and the Happy Boy Twins.......I'm Scary Man, now get to work. Ya'll can laugh in this class as much as you want......but ya'll better be working too. Don't think I'm not watching you.....

I did other voice impressions for the girls' pictures but can't remember what they were. All I know is everyone was laughing, including me, which I couldn't believe because by noon each day I miss Sofia so much I feel as if blood is pouring out of the open wound in my chest, and I'm just too tired to try and stop the bleeding anymore, and I drop my hands to my sides, ready to just quit.

Oddly, everytime this happened last week, I would see a pair of hands come up and cover my wound for me, and I would grab hold of them and press them against my chest. Maybe it's God, an angel, the kind words I've received from family, friends and readers...maybe it's the Universe realizing it might have tested me a little too much this time....I don't know. But I'm grateful for those hands.

I then put in Andrea Boccelli and close my eyes, and begin to see pictures of an Italian countryside..... and feel as if I'm riding on a horse, with this unknown person to my side just out of my view. It is so vivid and real I feel as if perhaps I'm vibrating it into existense.....or maybe this is just a preview of what my heaven will look like. Either way, I hold on to this place until it's time to open my eyes and pick up the kids from lunch, and give again, finding out we are all capable of so much more than we think we are....much more than we can even imagine....and I am grateful for this latest challenge. I do not like it, but the battle is evolving me ever onward and upward.....

So.....as I begin a new week, I lift myself up and wipe the blood from my face...and smile as I get ready to head out the door. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I am stronger. I can't imagine anything happening today that will kill me, especially my spirit. Just like you, I am limitless...I am deathless.....Bring On The Pain.....I use it to fuel my dreams.

I don't want to ever sleep, so I can keep you forever.
- Kwaidan (1964 - Japan)


(Line I heard from a movie this morning...and just felt it resonate within.)