2008-01-28

The Game of Life

I finally got to reading my email this morning (thank you to all the truly WONDERFUL people who have written). I started to notice a common theme in my responses.

I grow with each challenge. Instead of my light being dimmed, I close my eyes and see a more beautiful world of what could be, and my light burns brighter.

All I know how to do is close my eyes to the ugliness of the what is, and open them to the beauty of the what if, and burn a light that shines so brightly that as much of the world is covered in light and love as can be, and a better world of the what if is created. (Bella singing along with Van Johnson to "Love is All")

And it is this internal light in each one of us that cannot be allowed to die out, that eternal summer that cannot be allowed to fade. Instead it needs to be fanned and flamed and shine so brightly within us that it explodes outside of us and on to the world. (Me imaging the day when I can play the Spanish/Classical guitar this well)

This Thursday for the second week in a row after an hour drive to Sofia's house, she wasn't there for Dad/Daughter's day and no one seemed to know where she was (out with mom somewhere or they forgot it was my day, etc).

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - MLK

One's capacity to have great courage cannot come without facing great fear. And one's ability to love greatly cannot come without choosing to remain loving in spite of being hated and treated unlovingly.

I resisted the temptation to bring in the lawyers and instead sent thoughts and vibrations one more time to the people involved that they were better than their behavior.........and all the love I could to my baby girl who would eventually come home, see the moon and think, "That's Daddy watching over me", and then wonder why she hasn't seen me, and be told Daddy "only sees her 4 times a month" (although since she was taken from the school where I teach it's been at least 11 times a month).

I have a lot to be angry and bitter about, but I choose not to be. I could choose to see the ugliness in others, but I choose to see the beauty within me, and within me see the beauty in others. I close my eyes to all that's wrong with the world of "what is" and open them to see a better, more beautiful world of what could be...The world of "What If?" I call it.

What if we could see solutions instead of problems? Spread light instead of darkness? Love versus hate?

So I spent the rest of Thursday focusing on what was perfect and beautiful in my world, which was my Iszabella-Esperanza, who had given up Chuckie Cheese to be with me. As difficult as it was to overcome the sadness and pain of missing Sofia, I ended up laughing and loving with Bella, and before we went to bed, I had received $200,000 for creating a new teaching method and bought a log cabin in the Western United States. I had also become an artist.

I also got remarried and had three more children, and somehow still ended up in Millionaires Row.........

Bella and I were playing the game of Life.......which is exactly what all of us are doing on a daily basis. But instead of a spin of the wheel determining what "spaces" we land on and what happens to us or what "we get in life", it is the choices we make in how to react to the spaces we land on that determines our fate.

Sometimes I feel like the warrior standing alone, and other times I feel connected in light and love to the entire Universe. I do know that with each challenge that I choose to face with Inner Strength.....courage and love....I grow and evolve.

Although sometimes you wish your challenges would kill you, know that if they don't, you do grow stronger. And if you don't face them, or choose to react to them in a space of hate and darkness (bitterness, anger, etc).....you grow weaker.

When Brosden and Bella ask me what I think of Sofia's mother, I tell them honestly that I don't think of her, that I think of my love for Sofia, and choose to trust Sofia knows how much I love her. When Sofia asks me what I think of her mother, I tell her honestly that I am glad I married her mom because if I hadn't I wouldn't know this great, amazing little girl called Sofia Katherine. (Brosden had carjacked their supermarket ride)

And when Bella received the Pulitzer Prize during Thursday night's game and asked what that was, I told her it was like prize fighting in boxing, but with really smart people throwing books at each other (Steven Wright joke)......


Tough times don't last, tough people do. And toughness isn't about physically, mentally or emotionally defeating your fellow man. Toughness is all about not allowing yourself or your fellow man to bring you down, and doing all you can to bring both yourself and him up.

These are from a post by Angel Love, which I saw Thursday, and helped keep my light from burning out.



"If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?"

-- Rob Bremer

Thanks to the power of our inner critics, most of us have a very poor opinion of ourselves. Yet self-contempt merely keeps us miserable and stuck in our mediocrity.

If we were to make only one change to transform the quality of our lives, we might try sending a little love our own way.

"A critic is a legless man who teaches running."

-- Channing Pollock

"Unkind criticism is never part of a meaningful critique of you. Its purpose is not to teach or to help, its purpose is to punish."

-- Barbara Sher

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

-- The Buddha

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