The Game of Life

I finally got to reading my email this morning (thank you to all the truly WONDERFUL people who have written). I started to notice a common theme in my responses.

I grow with each challenge. Instead of my light being dimmed, I close my eyes and see a more beautiful world of what could be, and my light burns brighter.

All I know how to do is close my eyes to the ugliness of the what is, and open them to the beauty of the what if, and burn a light that shines so brightly that as much of the world is covered in light and love as can be, and a better world of the what if is created. (Bella singing along with Van Johnson to "Love is All")

And it is this internal light in each one of us that cannot be allowed to die out, that eternal summer that cannot be allowed to fade. Instead it needs to be fanned and flamed and shine so brightly within us that it explodes outside of us and on to the world. (Me imaging the day when I can play the Spanish/Classical guitar this well)

This Thursday for the second week in a row after an hour drive to Sofia's house, she wasn't there for Dad/Daughter's day and no one seemed to know where she was (out with mom somewhere or they forgot it was my day, etc).

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - MLK

One's capacity to have great courage cannot come without facing great fear. And one's ability to love greatly cannot come without choosing to remain loving in spite of being hated and treated unlovingly.

I resisted the temptation to bring in the lawyers and instead sent thoughts and vibrations one more time to the people involved that they were better than their behavior.........and all the love I could to my baby girl who would eventually come home, see the moon and think, "That's Daddy watching over me", and then wonder why she hasn't seen me, and be told Daddy "only sees her 4 times a month" (although since she was taken from the school where I teach it's been at least 11 times a month).

I have a lot to be angry and bitter about, but I choose not to be. I could choose to see the ugliness in others, but I choose to see the beauty within me, and within me see the beauty in others. I close my eyes to all that's wrong with the world of "what is" and open them to see a better, more beautiful world of what could be...The world of "What If?" I call it.

What if we could see solutions instead of problems? Spread light instead of darkness? Love versus hate?

So I spent the rest of Thursday focusing on what was perfect and beautiful in my world, which was my Iszabella-Esperanza, who had given up Chuckie Cheese to be with me. As difficult as it was to overcome the sadness and pain of missing Sofia, I ended up laughing and loving with Bella, and before we went to bed, I had received $200,000 for creating a new teaching method and bought a log cabin in the Western United States. I had also become an artist.

I also got remarried and had three more children, and somehow still ended up in Millionaires Row.........

Bella and I were playing the game of Life.......which is exactly what all of us are doing on a daily basis. But instead of a spin of the wheel determining what "spaces" we land on and what happens to us or what "we get in life", it is the choices we make in how to react to the spaces we land on that determines our fate.

Sometimes I feel like the warrior standing alone, and other times I feel connected in light and love to the entire Universe. I do know that with each challenge that I choose to face with Inner Strength.....courage and love....I grow and evolve.

Although sometimes you wish your challenges would kill you, know that if they don't, you do grow stronger. And if you don't face them, or choose to react to them in a space of hate and darkness (bitterness, anger, etc).....you grow weaker.

When Brosden and Bella ask me what I think of Sofia's mother, I tell them honestly that I don't think of her, that I think of my love for Sofia, and choose to trust Sofia knows how much I love her. When Sofia asks me what I think of her mother, I tell her honestly that I am glad I married her mom because if I hadn't I wouldn't know this great, amazing little girl called Sofia Katherine. (Brosden had carjacked their supermarket ride)

And when Bella received the Pulitzer Prize during Thursday night's game and asked what that was, I told her it was like prize fighting in boxing, but with really smart people throwing books at each other (Steven Wright joke)......


Tough times don't last, tough people do. And toughness isn't about physically, mentally or emotionally defeating your fellow man. Toughness is all about not allowing yourself or your fellow man to bring you down, and doing all you can to bring both yourself and him up.

These are from a post by Angel Love, which I saw Thursday, and helped keep my light from burning out.



"If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?"

-- Rob Bremer

Thanks to the power of our inner critics, most of us have a very poor opinion of ourselves. Yet self-contempt merely keeps us miserable and stuck in our mediocrity.

If we were to make only one change to transform the quality of our lives, we might try sending a little love our own way.

"A critic is a legless man who teaches running."

-- Channing Pollock

"Unkind criticism is never part of a meaningful critique of you. Its purpose is not to teach or to help, its purpose is to punish."

-- Barbara Sher

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

-- The Buddha

Become HAPPIER and "WHOLE"ier

"You are MORE remarkable than you can EVER imagine.
You will only EVER be as remarkable as you CAN imagine."

I sent this, or something like it, as a text to someone last night going through a tough time and feeling down on themselves. I'm not really sure I should be using "quotes" though. If it's wrong to misquote someone else, I can only imagine what it means to misquote yourself.

"When I was born I wish my first words would have been 'quote', so when I died I could have said 'unquote'".

- said by Steven Wright, or something like this was said by Steven Wright. I'm probably misquoting him........

But hold on, my story gets better ("quoting" Eddie Izzard). The interesting thing about this wonderful message of belief and confidence in another is WHO I sent this to.

It was to my EX-wife.............I am SUCH a kool kat!

I have come to believe if you want to really live, you have to really forgive. This doesn't mean tolerating behavior that's inappropriate for you and your life. It means letting go of the pain from the past and moving on with your life.

I am very happy with myself that I can still believe in everything she can be, without feeling I'm letting her or the painful memories back in my life. Part of the reason I exist is to make the world a better place, to whomever I can, no matter if they make mine better or not.

If they make it miserable, then they go on the outside of the healthy boundaries I've established for myself (what I will and will not tolerate). And I don't make their lives miserable in return. Instead I live inside my own boundaries and laugh and play with those in it.

I've realized I can live in this world with my arms and heart wide open without becoming a punching bag.

God I wish I would have known this years ago.

But that's what pain is for, to make us smarter and stronger, happier and "whole"ier.

And as I silently observed myself hitting the "send" button on my fone, I realized I was on my way to becoming whole again, like I was when the Universe sent me here, completely perfect as I already was.

(And so was Audrey, my big sister. Love ya, Darlin'!)


"There's Zen in Fire."

And you can quote me on that. - Adam Stuart

Borrowing Romance

Some people think they can't be romantic because they aren't artists. Argue for your limitations and they're yours (i.e. we are only held back by the limits we give ourselves). When I got married I didn't feel my fledgling poetry deserved to be part of such a special day. So I looked through all the books on poetry I could find.

I copied down love poems from all the greats, and sent them via messenger to my bethrothed on our wedding day, one at a time. It was so romantic that she cried as she read each one. Her father finally came over making me stop because she kept ruining her makeup with her tears (or maybe the poems were just really bad, who knows?)

The point is to find a way. Find a way to be romantic. If Wordsworth, Shelley, Keats and Lord Byron could write it, you can borrow it, just give them the credit. And if you want to borrow the poem I wrote for Iszabella for your own child, go ahead (for Iszabella's Poem (click here). One word of warning though:

Steven Wright tried borrowing with disasterous results. He read a beautiful long letter of love and liked it so much he crossed out the name at the bottom and wrote his own. He sent it to his girlfriend but never heard from her again.

The problem was that the letter he read and sent to his girlfriend as his own WAS FROM his girlfriend. When he didn't hear back from her all Steven said was "I guess she didn't like what she wrote."

Have a great romantic day! Open your arms wide and embrace the world:

"Who is the happy Warrior? Who is he
That every man in arms should wish to be?
--It is the generous Spirit, who, when brought
Among the tasks of real life, hath wrought
Upon the plan that pleased his boyish thought:
Whose high endeavours are an inward light
That makes the path before him always bright;"

- from William Wordsworth's "Character of The Happy Warrior"
(written in 1806, when he was 36 years old)

Balance Your Mind ~ Fill it With Laughter

The balance. We all seek it, either consciously or unconsciously. And no one needs it more than those of us who work so hard to make our biggest dreams come true. As the bald and beautiful big-bellied Buddha said:

All that we are
arises from our thoughts.
With our thoughts
We create our world.
- Buddha ("The Awakened One")

So if the size of our world is truly the size of our mind, why not fill it with a wonderful balance of both dreams and laughter? Everyone has a genius, and comedians are certainly included. My favorites from the silent-film era are, in order:

Harold Lloyd







Buster Keaton (the only black & white star my children will watch, the others I put on when I want them to go to sleep :)







and Charlie Chaplin










My two favorite present-day comics are Eddie Izzard (who did the voice of the Koala bear in "The Wild") and Steven Wright. The hilarity of Eddie Izzard is absolutely impossible to convey in words. His timing and facial expressions transform the words he speaks into bursts of laughter from your mouth.







Steven Wright, however, is dry, monotone, and seems like he's either stoned or has some serious mental problems. His humor just kind of builds up; making you go from saying "what?", to chuckling, to laughing out loud. Here are a few of his thoughts.

When I was a little kid I wished the first words I ever said were "quote" so when I died I could say "unquote".

Lots of my friends have babies but I don't have any babies but I have lots of friends. Babies don't have any friends.

They all have those baby monitors so they can hear the baby in the other room which I consider a form of wiretapping.

Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with, just to mess with my subconscious.

It's a good thing lots of people speak foreign languages otherwise they'd have no one to talk to.

When I was in First Grade the teacher told us the President was married to the First Lady and all I could wonder is if she ever saw any dinosaurs.

She told us of Michaelangelo and the Sistine Chapel. That night I was lying on top of my bunk bed looking at my ceiling and I thought "why not".

I had my brother push the bed around while I painted Jesus and Santa Claus on a see-saw.

I had Jesus on the low end even though he weighed less, because he's "Jesus".

Jesus upset a lot of people in his time: "Jesus will you stop turning the water into wine? I'm trying to take a shower over here."

What did Jesus ever do for Santa Claus on his birthday?

Don't think about it. It doesn't mean anything.

*After I finished this my thoughts took me to my college site. Before I knew it these ideas were swirling together and connecting with higher-education to create "The Importance of Genius". Click the link to see where the journey took me. The University of Central Florida

It may take them a few days to post it.