"The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done."
- Mother Teresa
Sometimes we have to accept that whether or not our love was appreciated by the person it was intended for doesn't matter. This is hard for me to swallow, especially when you wanted so much for something to work, but it does make sense. It's amazing what happens when we stop blaming ourselves and others and instead simply open our ears, minds and hearts to new ways of thinking that can change our lives for the better.
Love conquers all. I've come to realize this is both true and false. Loving another more than yourself does not conquer all, and can lead to resentment and loss of respect.
Loving yourself conquers yourself. You no longer need to seek validation from others. You don't start dating others hoping this will be the one who understands you and makes you happy. You don't keep hoping for someone "out there" to make you happy.
In quantum mechanics it's been said that the brain receives 4 billion bits of information a second. We pay attention to only 2,000 bits of this information. I guess it's our choice to pay attention to the positive or negative bits, information that can help us change our lives for the better or hold on to our excuses as to why we're right and the other is wrong, wondering why our world still stinks and we end up in the same relationships, jobs, and general unhappiness over and over.
For some reason I am still here. Is it for others to learn from my mistakes? Is it to find this "go-to-failure", "supreme mind", "Dream Big, Do Big, and Be Big" application to the heart for oneself? I know that the divorce rate is getting higher and higher. Being an honest and faithful person only seems to get you kicked in the teeth and your heart ripped out. Being chivalrous makes people wonder what you're really up to. Being a nice guy gets you dead last. And the faith that I wouldn't repeat the same cycle with another comes and goes, then starts to fade away...
..until I realize I have a lot to work on myself. I've been loving the world unselfishly hoping the world would send one to love me back. In truth the world loves those who love themselves, and is loving towards others. Being honest and faithful TO YOURSELF attracts an honest and faithful partner. Being chivalrous and respectful TO YOURSELF attracts a classy and respectful lady. Being nice TO YOURSELF attracts someone who will be nice to share your life with. And working truly ON YOURSELF brings faith that the cycle is being broken, and a new and better life awaits you.
Hope. I write this with hope. I hope that the reader recognizes his or her own successes and failures and looks inside to make these connections and are able to create the reality they want. I know I do.
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I watched a movie last night: Bigger Than the Sky. It was one of those sort-of-mediocre movies that, before you know it, has you completely sucked in. The story begins with a man who has lost the woman he loves. In an attempt to shake free of his depression, he auditions for the play "Cyrano de Bergerac." He’s never acted before, his audition is abysmal, and yet the director sees something in him … some special quality – a trueness of the soul -that makes her give him the leading role. He fails miserably over and over during the rehearsals, but he never gives up. Because he has the heart and the desire to change his life for the better…to become what he knows he truly is.
The cast of characters in the play are all in various stages or their life’s journey and they affect and bring out the best and worse in each other – just like in real life. Anais Nin said, “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.” By taking the risk of doing something new, by taking the risk of trusting and loving new people, he succeeds in the role of Cyrano. But deeper, he succeeds in arriving closer to the man he knows he is.
Loving yourself takes risk: how easy it is to love the things others love about you. But much harder and much more telling is learning to forgive yourself and loving the things that aren’t so good. When you can do that - own those bits that aren’t so great - you truly come closer to loving yourself unconditionally. Those parts are there for a reason and although they may not seem so great, they’ve probably saved you a time or two in ways no one can fully comprehend.
The following dialogue was between two lovers in the movie. They had an “open” relationship which basically meant he saw other women while she stayed committed – until she met the man who plays Cyrano. Once the man realizes that he may lose her, he understands how much he loves her. I rewound the scene to listen to the dialogue again. So often isn’t this what we want to hear from someone else? But perhaps this is what we need to be telling ourselves.
He: I never had any constants in my life. I never wanted any… I want you constant in my life. I’m not sure what that means, but we’ll find out.
Her: I’m never away from you. Even now I shall not leave you. In another world I shall still be the one who loves you. Love is beyond measure…beyond…
He: I’m sorry.
You are your constant in life. Never give up on yourself and love yourself beyond measure. Understand that not being true to yourself is to lose yourself. Once you can love like that, all things are possible. j
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