From the Guy's Side of Things - Monkey Perspective

Alright, Christmas is over. It's time to get back to reality. I can't remember who sent this to me but I appreciate it just the same. It helps me balance my deeply soulful side with my need to laugh and be ridiculous (see "Foo Fighters" in the December 17th archive). As motivated as I am to overcome any and all obstacles, one of my favorite contradictory sayings is:

If at first you don't succeed, QUIT! No sense being a fool about it.


The same thing with being chivalrous and treating my love with respect. I would never tell her to put the toilet seat down herself, put sports before her needs (real needs now, not manipulative ones just to see if she can control me :-) or say half the things on this list (except asking for directions - I am a stubborn fool about thinking "it's just to the left up here somewhere.")

But it is good to relax and have fun. You women say "I am woman, hear me roar!" We men like to beat our chests every once in awhile, behaving and acting like the monkeys we are.

We always hear the rules from the female perspective. At last a guy has taken the time to write it down from our side. These are the rules!
Please note.....these are all numbered "1" on purpose because they’re all equally important.

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sports it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a Doctor.

1. Anything that we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act
like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes
you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not
both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT read directions and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing is
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. Besides,
we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
didn't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine........really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as Football, Food, or.....

1. You do have enough clothes.

1. You do have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping for us with a TV.

Email this link (click the little envelope below) to as many men as you know to give them a laugh. Email this to every woman you know to let them know guys have rules too; it will give them an even bigger laugh.