How Far Do You Go to Change Reality?

When a blind man carries a lame man, both go forward. - Swedish Proverb

I feel broken,
I feel battered,
I feel bruised

Yet I feel myself still moving forward,
Willing to continue risking it all,
Willing to give it all

For one thing......

Love

- Adam Stuart (April, 2008)

I was reminded today of just how far the students have come this year. It's ridiculous how much growth has occurred. And not just academically, but even more importantly, personally. They have more confidence in themselves than ever before, and they are approaching the point where they truly believe there is NOTHING they cannot do. .

But it's frustrating to see the Harleys, Jacobs and Coltons sitting right in front of me day after day, wanting to scream out to the world that it ISN'T me, it's what I'm doing that creates or recreates an individual that is full of life, full of smarts and full of hope. It's very simple, but it isn't easy, and maybe that's why the "good" teacher is so rare, when it should be the "bad" teacher that is rarely found, then let go and helped to find a different profession.

After all, who your child spends all day with has a pretty good chance of building them up or tearing them down.

And with the world being torn apart in so many ways, we need to graduate strong souls and bright minds to stop the destruction and courageously begin the rebuilding process.

(From my conversations with Harley, she and Amanda are so alike, both so very gifted, that it is a crime to teach these two in the limited traditional way)

Raymond, making a 100% improvement in reading on the county Edusoft test, is only one of two winners this year of the coveted Patty Boy Blemur Award. The other winner was James, who began the year as gifted. Raymond was not only held back a year, he had so many self-defeating habits of mind that his parents almost gave up on him this year and put him in a military-type school. He is proof, one more shining example that there's NO question that EVERY child can be reached, with enough love, patience and skill.

Riding home, I felt good, and began meditating with the sun and wind on my face. ("A warrior learns to meditate in each and every action." - Peaceful Warrior. I hope you're enjoying that book your mom gave you, Jacob).

But soon I began wondering about the ones who have experienced the same amazing success, but then fell through life's tragic cracks; where in the hell are Taneicea and Asia, and why isn't Patty Boy himself getting any better after while here in Orlando he went from going to die, to going to be in a coma forever, to ..... (fill in your own damn impossibility), surpassing all expectations, and now nothing?

Taneicea went from breaking down trying to speak in front of the class to doing extra projects just to practice speaking, and crying in frustration that she wouldn't be at our school anymore to be part of the upcoming speech contest. Instead of having to encourage her face her fears, I was strongly praising her for her courage to do so.



And the question of, "How far do you have to go?", began to burn in my brain again. Just a few years ago I was telling gang leaders to leave my kids alone. Make sure they get to school and give me just one year with them. And if at the end of that year they didn't feel they had better options, I would back off.

When push comes to shove, I will hug. Sometimes I'll hold on and hug so tightly I'll give myself a heart attack trying to wake love up. But when hugs don't work, when love is buried under layers and layers of hardened hate, I will shove so damn hard that either the hate will break or I'll break trying to break it.

I found out some of these students weren't even going home at night, and would be waiting for me at school the next morning, WANTING TO LEARN. I was given, and I quote, "The Worst of the Worst", the ones who "either couldn't learn or wouldn't". I ended up writing a book about their phenomenal growth and giving it to them as a gift at the end of the year.

I made the choice to completely believe in them from the beginning, and told them I wouldn't allow anything to stop them anymore; not themselves or any person in their world. In return they had to let me push them harder in the classroom than they had ever been before.

I promised them I was bigger, badder, meaner and tougher than anything or anybody trying to stop them, and if they were courageous enough to trust me and believe they shouldn't have to put up with certain things in their world, I would be courageous enough to protect them from it.

This is an example of what it looks like when we talk about word meaning. Can you imagine what it looks like when we talk about Dreaming and Doing Big?

One teacher and one parent CAN make a difference. Can you imagine what two, three, 100, 1000, 1 million can do?

So when I was told that my kids wouldn't be left alone, I told them I wouldn't leave them alone....And if a kid didn't show up for school, I was going to come after them that night, and any man who pointed a gun at me was going to get his head ripped from his body.

If they wanted to kill a teacher doing his job, then they were being nothing more than weak punks. But we didn't have to fight. "There's a better way, man. I may not know exactly what that is but I do know it's better than this. I know you're more than this. All I'm asking for is one year."

On my way home after school sometimes I would stop at a liquor store and buy my friend a drink.

"Often with the poorest people you cannot completely alleviate their problem but by being with them..."

- Brother Geoff

We would sit outside and talk, where I would meet ex-cons who had just got out. Since everyone knew Cue Ball, the nicest "bum" in the neighborhood, they would sit with us. They told me how they went to the same school, some even the same classroom, and wished they had had just one teacher believe in them as much as they could tell I believed in my students. They said that maybe they wouldn't have believed they had to do what they did that got them arrested.





What we believe to be true for us, becomes our wings of freedom or the chains of our prison.

On one of these days a car pulled up and the window went down half way. I thought, "Damn! This is it. The hell if I'm going to die sitting on my ass", and stood up. I know I can't beat a bullet, but I do remember staring at the window and silently shouting, "Come on! Here I am", hoping I could guess the timing of the shot and dive to my right or left.

Then I felt someone blocking my right. It was the ex-con who had been sitting with us. He was standing next to me, shoulder-to-shoulder, willing to risk his own life with mine, finally having the courage to stand up for what he felt was right.

It was one person wanting so much to give more, and another wishing so much he had been given more, standing up together to create this "more" in the world - Right Here! Right Now! - Right where they were.

WARNING: Language



After what seemed like a long time, the window finally went up and the car drove away.

I know I could get hurt doing what I do. I don't need you to tell me that, because I'll tell you the names of the innocent who ARE getting hurt. Don't tell me I could get killed because I can tell you the children who ARE getting killed every day. Don't tell me to think of my children because, and this is to my children, you are what I am thinking about, with ALL of my heart!

My children are living in a world of violence and hate they will soon enter, perhaps my son next year in middle school. Right here, right now in Central Florida we have the MySpace Middle School Murder Plot (Morbid MySpace Page)


I will not sit on my butt doing nothing but complaining about it. By every god that has ever existed I will create a safer world for my son, even if it means fighting against the gods themselves and their "Thy will be done". Send me to hell, but I find it hard to believe any god would will a child into a hell on earth. I'm pretty sure it's a lack of will on the people around the child that allows this to happen.

An adult has a lot better chance of surviving trying to make this happen than a child does. We adults should be protecting every child's right to survive and thrive in the world. We do this by CREATING a BETTER WORLD for them and making them feel and be safe.

We are the trees they climb to see a better view of the world,
The branches they play and grow on,
And the trunk they hold onto during the storms

But when? When do we do this? Right Here! Right Now!

Because right here in our country we have: "It shouldn't take a school shooting or an inner-city neighborhood shooting to make us realize that American children are more at risk from firearms than the children of any other industrialized nation. In one year, firearms killed no children in Japan, 19 in Great Britain, 57 in Germany, 109 in France, 153 in Canada, and 5,285 in the United States." (Kids and Guns in America)

And right here in our world we have from London, England:

RHYS JONES, 11, was shot in the neck as he walked home from playing football

MICHAEL DOSUNMU, 15, was killed by two men with a machine-gun as he slept at his home

JONATHAN MATONDO, 16, was shot dead in a park near his home

JAMES ANDRE SMARTT-FORD, 16, from New Malden, Surrey, was gunned down at a busy ice rink

BILLY COX, 15, was shot dead on Valentine’s Day in his bedroom

KAMILAH PENISTON, 12, was accidentally shot by her brother Kasha, 17, as he “messed around” with a gun at their home

ADAM REGIS, 15, the nephew of Olympic athlete John Regis, was stabbed after a night out with his girlfriend

ABUKAR MAHAMUD, 16, was shot in the neck in July after being chased by a gang of youths on bicycles

PAUL ERHAHON, 14, died from a stab wound to the heart

MARTIN DINNEGAN, 14, was stabbed during a street brawl

DALE LITTLE, 15, was allegedly called a “chav” before being stabbed in the chest

So long as little children are allowed to suffer, there is no true love in this world. - Isadora Duncan (1878-1927)

Which makes me even angrier that any teacher, or any parent for that matter, would choose to take the easy route and NOT believe in and take the time to love the children life has put in their care. No it's not easy, but it's not as hard as we're making it on the kid's future by the beliefs we're putting into their heads.

And it's not complex. We're not asking them to face death. We're asking them to simply love, even if it's difficult, even when it hurts. Trust me, it's not going to kill you to give just a little more time and a little more love.

But then again, maybe these adults weren't loved enough, and don't see how it can be done. Maybe we're supposed to have the courage to believe we can all show how to do this by how we treat others every day.

I sought out the superintendent over Spring Break. People who had worked for years in the same building as him told me they had never met him when I asked where I could find him. They thought I was crazy.

The first thing I told him when I found him was that he was much nicer than I thought he would be. I didn't tell him that due to a screw up by "his" people I haven't been paid what I'm supposed to for the past five years. I'm too busy teaching to worry about whether I'm getting paid enough to do it. I'll take care of that later. I do feel the pains of lack, and it does hurt. Just today I found out my rent check bounced for the second time this month. Only by the generousity of a very giving person was I able to pay it.

But in spite of this I also feel like the poor man who opens his hand not to receive, but to give..........and I feel an abundance of greater treasures flowing into my life than money could ever possibly match.

So instead I told Mr. Blocker of the good things happening in his classrooms, and of the great things that could happen if we all worked together in courage versus fear. I felt like William Wallace trying to convince Robert the Bruce to lead Scotland to freedom, instead of letting it be ripped apart by those desperately trying to hold on to their titles.

The irony of this is that Robert the Bruce is my ancestor. I am not Braveheart. I am Adam. And you are You. Maybe I'm simply living the lessons my family learned from the real Braveheart 700 years ago. Maybe I'm learning the undeniable truth that we are all brave hearts.........if we have the strength to set our hearts free, and have the courage to follow them.

300 years after Wallace's death the Stuarts were asked to rule England as well as Scotland, creating Great Britain, which was great until the devastation of two world wars.

WARNING: I love this comedian and he only uses one swear word....But he uses it ALL THE TIME. So please don't play this within earshot of the children. They can hear it at school later...Just not at my school :-)

We have enough people who tell it like it is - Now we could use a few who tell it like it could be.

- Robert Orben

When the "what is" of my world gets too heavy, I need to focus on the "what could be" to help me get back up. Instead of thinking about and feeling how hard it is to live this way day after day, I choose to focus on the courage I feel in my heart, and hear the laughter coming from my lips, giving me renewed strength to see a world that is worth fighting for. And because I love my children so much, I'll continue fighting for the most right thing in this world, which is simply ....LOVE....

.....And going as far as I can in its name, which sometimes is as easy and simple as spending time with my daughter, noticing she has an eyelash on her cheek, and holding it while she blows on it and makes a wish.

She wouldn't tell me what she wished for, but I wished that I could live long enough to see a world filled with love for all people. I know I am in one when I'm with my children, and that I've created one in my classroom and home. I choose to believe it can be created in the rest of the world, and feel honored to be willing to die trying.

**Side note: Today as I was bringing my class outside, Bella's was coming in. She had just scraped her leg, and when I came over to ask what had happened, her lip quivered and she began crying. I carried her to the nurse's office and then up the stairs and into her classroom, never letting her go once.

As we were going up the stairs I asked her if it really was important to her that I teach at her school next year just so we could be together, even if it meant we would be poor for at least one more year. Would she rather have me make lots more money doing something else?

Her eyes, her smile, her face.......all telling me she wanted time with her father over all the gold in the world.

And with everything weighing down on her father's shoulders.......The stress of his world tearing him apart..........In his arms she became all the gold in the world to him......and it was the lightest, easiest, and most valuable thing he had ever carried.

I believe the only way I can feel such love and beauty is because I am willing to go through the times of feeling such hardship. What we all go through sometimes is very hard and hurts very much......And at these moments if we can somehow find the courage to keep thinking thoughts of what we want to see in the world....and find the strength to keep taking action towards creating it........That's the point at which the new world we want is manifested.

People can manifest shiny sports cars and open parking spaces for them.......I think I'll spend my life and time in this world manifesting love.

I'm going out of town for a week so I'm adding some uploaded videos before they get lost in my computer forever