Coming Out of the Nightmare and into Karma

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” - Wolf Dreamer

You know how something happens to you or someone else that is so bad, so unimaginable and painful that you have to pretend it didn't happen? Sofia's mother withdrew her from my school yesterday after finally realizing she and I are never getting back together. To hurt me, she took my daughter from me and enrolled her in the school next to her home.

How I react to this determines so much. When I looked in my daughter's classroom yesterday at lunch and saw her empty seat, and then heard those words, "You didn't know?" ........I had to go home. The threat was made when I picked Sofia up for school, but I never thought she would go through with it. I felt sick explaining to Bella and Brosden that Sofia had been taken away from them too. I had to tell myself it was all a bad dream, and my Sofia would be there tomorrow.

Well, tomorrow has come and gone. No Sofia. No more. Nothing illegal was done. Nothing I can do.

I could think bitter thoughts about a bitter person, ......or I could think no thoughts at all about her.

I could fester in my pain and die inside..... or I could learn to survive by living moment to moment, sending my daughter love for every minute we no longer have together, and becoming stronger in the process.

I could say, "See! All women are evil manipulators"...... or I could say, "A real woman worthy of my love is just around the corner, and all I have to do is learn to unblind myself".

I could give up, close up, shut up; giving as little of myself to as few people as possible, preventing any future possibility of getting the shit kicked out of me by love (Love Actually - so cool to play scenes 17-20 from that movie)....or I could choose to take all of these painful emotions, seeing how wonderful it is to be able to feel so deeply and passionately, and believe that somehow, someway, I can use them to become more than I have ever imagined possible.

I could choose to blow the doors off the world by what I can give more than ever before, getting the horses and helicopters I feel is right for me to have in my life, learn to be more intelligent about who I allow in, and know that if I can just get myself to learn to trust again, a real woman, a right woman, is waiting for me.

It won't be easy, and I don't feel as if I can do it....................I just know I will.

The lyrics "God only knows what I'd be without you" are playing over and over from the movie....Well, Sofia.....it looks like I'm going to have to find out once again.....Inner Strength - what a joke - tears are streaming down my face - I'd give it all away to be with my little girl

These are the last pictures of us, taken yesterday morning in front of her classroom.