Look at me
There is nothing
We cannot be
Are you willing to find out?
Are you willing to believe?
Are you willing to hold on,
Until you see what I see?
- Adam Stuart
June 22, 2009
(Bella, above, holding up the peanut butter people she made)
* written for my children, your children, and the return of the fearless and courageous child within us all.......the one whose dreams are deaf to impossibility, and whose focus on happiness keeps them on the path to personal paradise
I have spent the last few weeks in a very unhappy state, having to deal with not knowing where Sofia is living. Her mother's arrangements have changed and out of her insecurities, irrationally refuses to tell me where, being ugly and disrespectful in the process.
Making it worse was my best friend's sister just passed away in her sleep, and I felt deeply and even fearfully how precious life and love is, and how quickly and suddenly it can be taken away. (I looked at these pictures often of our last walk together before Sofia left)
Out of my fear and anger I could have easily called in the legal cavalry, which although would have given me what I wanted, would have also easily made the situation much worse, with a beautiful child caught in the middle and her dreams of a beautiful world crushed by the ugliness of adults.
So instead I held onto what I know to be right, which is love, what's best for the child. It wasn't easy. I had to disregard my ego and give center stage to my spirit telling me there was a better way. I studied the lives of Lincoln and Franklin, two masters at communication, in order to gain much needed insights and become more than I am.
I can't stand feeling sorry for myself or others because it keeps us in our sorry state of thinking and living. I told my son that if his life stinks it's because he has stinking thinking.
It's much better to put new, fresh thoughts in our head with each new, fresh day. It's no different than brushing your teeth and showering. It needs to be done daily if our hearts and minds are to remain clean, healthy and evolving.
We have to think and feel strong and capable on a dominant basis if we and others are to become stronger and more capable in reality, able to turn away from what's wrong and towards what's right.
I didn't know how I would feel better and get rid of my own stinking thinking, just that I had to. Since I found myself feeling sorry for Sofia's mother with her fears and self-imposed limitations, I let it go in indifference and began thinking courageous and unlimited thoughts for myself, Sofia and the rest of the world.
I saw STOMP and reaffirmed my belief that we ARE ALL incredibly talented in some way, and as we go through the tough times, we MUST focus on our dreams versus difficulties if we are to achieve the realization of these gifts.
Miss Elizabeth stopped by to tell me her birthday was coming up, and I made her a card from the kids and Shanghai and took it to her. I thought of Kelly who had just died, my friend's sister who was also handicapped, and how he told me I was her first collegiate heartthrob. I focused on how pure and innocent good love can be, and even though I couldn't focus on this for another, I could focus on this for myself, and see how pure and innocent the good life can be.
I have also been invited to Europe at the end of the month and spent my thoughts and energy planning the trip of a lifetime. A few days ago, before I got Sofia back, as bad I had been feeling not knowing where my daughter was laying her head at night, I began feeling really good. (Sofia picking off the petals of the flower in "He loves me. He loves me not.")
I realized it was because not only had I set myself free from being involved in an unhealthy and limiting relationship as I had been in the past, and changed my world drastically for the better because of it......but also because I allowed my inner voice to be louder and more clear than the outside world, setting me free to rise above reacting out of the lower emotions of anger and bitterness, which would have only created a world of even more anger and bitterness. (Exclaiming "Daddy loves me!")
And if I've been able to climb this high out of my own life events, I can only imagine how much higher I'll soar after experiencing close-up the life events dating as far back as 10,000 years of humanity (Stonehenge, Rome, Shakespeare, etc)!
I can only imagine how much stronger my dreams of beauty and truth will beat in my heart, that as one wins another doesn't have to lose. That as we win, so does the world. That we are all only limited by our own thinking and acceptance of what "reality" really is.....
And as we change our history of habitual thoughts and actions, we give light and strength to others to change theirs.
I see this beating turning into a pounding, a great drum drowning out the fears, insecurities, and limitations in myself and others more than ever before.....returning us to the time when we were all courageous and free............
having the strength to focus on the good v bad, the great v horrible......where the impossible is possible and the too-difficult-to-handle is met with an unstoppable and passionate desire to face and learn from it, using it as a stepping stone to overcome and rise above to new heights of thinking, feeling and living.
To a time when we were gods in the chrysalis, happy, brave and beautiful, daring to dream unlimited dreams and living in and out of our hearts v our fears.....living happily in our own personal paradise v hellishly in our own self-created prisons of "But I have no other choice" and "Look at what's been done to me".
And as we win back our hearts and minds, our spirits soar, and so does the world, rising and evolving around us.....our own history-in-the-making giving inspiration and strength to the present and the future.
What each of us does in this life DOES MATTER to the lives that are around us, as well as those coming after us.
When we choose to rise above our current challenges and limitations......we choose to set ourselves free