Positive POWERFUL Thinking

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Brosden made no mistakes yesterday, hitting every part of his routine perfectly. That's because he decided to leave out the part he failed on the day before. His team lost 1st place by 0.7 points. Even though he missed the move the day before, the difficulty score was so high it gave his team a higher starting score and they were in first place with one day left to go.

Even if he had missed again yesterday his team may have still won.

I put my hand on his shoulder and shared this with him. I didn't tell him I was disappointed nor did I tell him everything was OK, that "tomorrow's another day".

That's not positive thinking. Positive thinking is taking a good hard look at where you failed, and saying, "I could have done better. I am more than this. And I am positive I can and will change this."

With my other hand I put it out to the side and told him right next to us is the Brosden that faced his fears. We just can't see him because you haven't created him.

But I can see him and I can help him see it and create it too.

I told him I saw two people. One full of confidence, full of courage, full of happiness......full of excitement and zest to break through his next imagined fear and suppossed limitation.

And I saw another that instead of being full of life and positive results, was full of excuses. Saturday he told me he missed his pass because his pants were coming down. Yesterday morning he told me he slept funny on his arm and didn't think he should try such a difficult move. After the competition he told me his coach didn't want him to try it when that is not what his coach told him.

I asked him why he was crying. He told me it was because I was making him feel bad. I took his face in my hands and said, "No son. I'm making you feel alive; alive with everything you truly are. No one can have courage for you any more than they can eat your dinner for you. YOU have to do it. You have to BELIEVE you can do it.........

........And believing in yourself is one of the scariest things you'll ever do. Most days I dream so big at what we all can be that it scares the hell out of me. And that's good because I don't want hell inside of me.....And neither do you! Don't make room for it."

On the drive home he said out loud how he wished he had another chance to do it again. I told him he did, that as long as he has breath he has life. And that as long as he has life he has EVERYTHING he can ever want; another moment to believe in himself v. doubt, to face his fears v. shrink, to laugh v. cry, to love v. hate......to do and be everything he wished he would have done and been in the past.........he now has the chance to do in the now.

He smiled at me and said, "OK Dad, I get it now. You can stop opening up the fortune cookies."

This made me laugh and put my hand on his shoulder again and say, "OK. One last thing. I am proud of you for having the strength and courage to believe you are more than you did just a few hours ago. This is what success is and the beginning of the creation of your best life."

As I made fun of myself ("Ahhhh! Fortune cookies breaking open all over the place. I can't stop!") the laughter continued as we stopped to get something to eat. Bella, who is very particular about wanting only ketchup on her cheeseburger, said, "I would like just ketchup and cheese please.......just ketchup and cheese........and the meat.........and the bun."

Brosden and I being very dramatic played this up saying to Luis behind the counter, "Now you got that Luis? Please include the meat and bun, because sometimes she wants a cheeseburger without the burger and bun, just a slice of cheese and ketchup. We can make that at home but she seems to like it better when we order it."

Life is made of these moments. And the big smile on Luis' face let me know we were also making memories.

And that failing only becomes failure when we give up. It isn't who we are, only where we are. (Bella and I with raisins in our teeth, with the tray she wrote "I love you Dad" on with her fork.)



Sometimes we are afraid to fail because of what others might think of us. That is our ego getting in our way. (Reading great works of poetry to my kids with someone's pants on my head).

Insecure people love to see others fail because it makes them feel better about their own failures and lack of courage. Who cares what insecure people think of us? Let's start caring more about helping them feel more secure about themselves, even if it means they think less of us in the process. We can look in the mirror and validate ourselves.

Bella asked to see my phone last night. When I woke up this is the picture I saw on my screen saver. This is what gives me the fuel to keep going.....Another's love for life shining through......Every kind comment letting me know that they see it and feel it too.

(And Sofia whom we miss very much. The kids no longer have the same weekends together. God love her. She constantly reminds me how to live happy and fearlessly free, and I will not train her out of that.)