The Depth of Our Emotions

The greater the depth of emotion.........the greater is the potential of the energy.......and the greater the possibility is of an undesirable reality being changed into something more desirable......and maybe even incredibly amazing.

Being told, "I love you", by someone is hopefully different than them also saying that they love a certain food or movie. Love to me is unquestionably the greatest and most sacred of all emotions, and should be developed as deeply as possible.

In its depths we hold the molecules of the world in our hands, the very creation of life. If we are able to love ourselves unconditionally, regardless of whether the world loves us back or not, we are able to listen to our own honest thoughts and true feelings....and use them to guide our own actions.....and create the life that we were meant to live, regardless of what others say or the roadblocks and obstacles life throws in our way

Unconditional love for and deep belief in ourselves makes us truly unstoppable. Only then can we hope to powerfully help others become unstoppable themselves; our children, our students, our friends and family, our husbands and wives....our neighbors....our homeless

And if we are able to truly love others and believe in them .....con tutto mio cuore, tutta la mente, tutto mio spirito, tutta mia anima .......... con tutto universo….......ti amo (with all my heart, all my mind, all my spirit, all my soul.......with all of the universe.......I love you ~ whispered to my children as they sleep and wake)..... Oh! Sweet Maria! The life that is created...the light that shines in the eyes.......the love that pours from the hearts.....even in the most difficult and challenging times...

...And at this exact point the world changes for the better.....when love is given when it's hard to give.........when real love exists, because it's been deeply developed, either through being deeply loved, deeply unloved, or a combination of both..........when love is patient and kind, not rude and selfish....when love never comes to an end (Corinthians).

But in its shallowness, life is allowed to slip through our fingers and is largely wasted.

In love's absence......life is destroyed, our own as it's filled with hate and anger, despair and self-doubt.......and others' lives as the depth of our dark and negative emotions cause us to lash out and take from life what life hasn't seemed fit to give us, often by trying to rob others of their possessions, their confidence, their reputation, their smile, etc.

Feeling something to your very core can make you very powerful. As our hearts have become emboldened by our academic successes, we have more courageously sought out our remaining areas of failure in class. And emotion has deepened.

The Strength of Shawn is a future write about no longer letting failure stop you, and becoming 100% determined to overcome it.

Not Without Nick is about the development of class unity. As our normally perfect attendance has been devastated by sickness, I realized just how much the class has bonded. Dodinsky's signed poem and picture arrived and when I tried to take a class picture the class said in unison and very clearly to me, "Not without Nick!", who was the only one absent that day.

The Rise of Raymond, Sandria's Selflessness, Martin & Lewis (how Chad and Luis remind me of Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis - and how their fun and humor actually helps us learn), The Flow of Florencia, The Last Man Standing (Miguel who once placed last in the class in some areas, now leads), and many others.

........I think each one of them, as they are truly developing the courage to give me their best, are also giving me the titles to a future book on successful education.

And one more, The Tears of Taylor........She did not do as well on a math test as she had wanted. She gave her best, and it wasn't as good as she had hoped. And it hurt.............She deeply wanted to do well, to succeed. Her eyes were filled with tears....

I have been sick myself. I've been coming home and crawling upstairs to bed for a week. On Friday I was too sick to go to my daughter's birthday party or have my children spend their weekend with me. Sunday was the first day I could get out of bed, and while cleaning off a forgotten grave at the cemetery I fainted and hit my head on the tombstone, coming to by Shanghai licking my face.

Taylor's tears woke me up too. Feeling sorry for someone doesn't do them any good. It only keeps them in the miserable place they're in. Feeling strong for them is critical to helping them become stronger. I had to feel strong enough to help her. And there is no "try", there is only "do", especially when it comes to the dreams of a child. So I dug deep for love.

There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.”

-Corinthians

Looking deep into her eyes, I told her I would help her overcome this failure on both our parts, and told her I would do it because I loved her for who she was and everything she could and is becoming.

Without looking away from her I told the class the only problem I could see was that I had an entire class of Taylors that I felt an equal amount of love for, and with my current health, doubted for the first time in eight years of teaching my ability to help everyone equally. I told them I needed them like never before. For this to work everyone needed to become even better at knowing how to develop their own lesson plans, seek out people and resources that could help guide their learning, and see others who needed help.

Two days later we retested, with the average score increasing by over an entire letter grade, including Taylor's. In our failure, and at a time when it was difficult to keep going, we found success.

Two weeks ago, after my son's hug brought me back to life and on my way to hold Sofia in my arms for our date night, I got a phone call. A very angry man who has been threatening me for a long time unleashed a barrage of negative and very deep emotion on me.

With one raised hand I give the world my heart and with the other I give it the finger.

Life can kiss my lips or kiss my butt.

I say this not to people. I don't give them the finger simply because they don't like me or even hate me. I say this to the conditions of life that can stop us from living fully.....failure, self-doubt, heartache, anger, hate, etc....

Hate cannot be overcome with hate....feeling great love at my very depths has given me visions of entering dark places, blackened out from any light......allowed to enter without suspicion because I know darkness, know what it's like to be filled with hurt, anger, hate, despair....total darkness

Someone once said that when you find yourself going through hell....keep going! Wallowing in self-pity or numbing yourself from the pain with addictions like sex, drugs, alcohol, TV, etc only keeps you in hell. Only by becoming strong enough to refuse accept what your life has become and accepting responsibility for your part in its creation can you overcome the hell you're in. No more excuses! If life hasn't given you what you want, you can do what many do, and try to take from life, usually from the lives of others.

This is what this guy was trying to do. Take from life what life hasn't given to him. As I listened I had this vision of entering hell again.....

As I come in the room I am seen as one of them and approach easily. And as they talk of the destruction they're going to unleash on the world today, the lives they're going to take......my own mouth twists into an evil grin, as I grip the handle of my sword, and tell them to start with mine....because today.....THEY die

I begin the battle within myself not to sacrifice it, but to save it. I don't see myself as a savior to anyone other than myself. Only then can I hope to help others take more control of their own lives. I don't think any of us can truly be saved when we look outside of ourselves for someone (i.e. "If I only had someone that loved me - human and/or deity" v. "If I only loved the human and deity inside myself more") or something ("Drugs (legal and illegal) are OK because they help me feel better.")

Even the idea of God has to become so internalized that we see him living inside of ourselves. Every one of my cells tells me we are more powerful than we have been led to believe, and God, Allah, the Universe is saying, "Yes! Incredible living and freedom is not meant for the few, but FOR ALL! See the beauty inside of yourself and you begin to see it in each and every person. Thank Me...I mean God, no, I mean Me, that you finally got it."

“Love knows no limit to its endurance no end to its trust, Love still stands when all else has fallen - 1 Corinthians 13:7-8 -”

As I was listening to this man tell me everything that was wrong with me I began thrusting my sword into the bodies of anger and self-doubt, cutting off the heads of anger and rage before they could take control of and kill me.

And then I heard him say "mailbox" and thought I heard him say "bomb"....and I exploded in a roar, "Don't you dare pretend to have the balls to come after me, and then not have the courage to look me in the eyes when you take me out."

Silence......