Forgiveness

I saw this today and felt compelled to share. It's so easy to get upset about things much less offensive than what happened in this story. One week ago I had to face a truth about someone I had thought of very highly for many years. One month ago something much less worse happened that caused me to absolutely lose it. Since that time I have been daily working on my emotional strength and sense of self-worth. Had I not done this religiously over the past 30 days, I hate to think how I might have handled a reality that made me sick to my stomach.

This time though, after only a few days from last Saturday's bombshell, I was strong enough to forgive them, and then release them from my life. Forgiving someone does not mean allowing the hurtful behavior to continue. As Louise Hay says in her book/cd "You Can Heal Your Life", setting healthy boundaries is one of the most loving things you can do for both parties, and true forgiveness really has nothing to do with the other person. It is simply releasing yourself from holding onto the pain.

In being able to do this, I have experienced a greater sense of peace, of self-confidence, and of happiness than I have maybe in 10 years. I've also never been more productive, getting ready to publish my books online and begin writing for the University of Central Florida.

We are all challenged with people and events that cause us pain. After reading this story, ask yourself how justified you feel holding onto yours. Thinking about the anger, pain, blame, etc caused by our own unforgiveness only creates more of it in our lives. Wouldn't you rather forgive and forget, and be happy instead? If you don't think you can do it, read this story and be inspired.

"The story is so haunting it's almost hard to believe. Amy Biehl, an idealistic California college student, wins a Fulbright Scholarship to travel to South Africa to assist the anti-apartheid movement; she goes there, and is murdered by a black mob during a riot. After years of grief, her parents Linda and Peter quit their trendy upper-middle-class California jobs and move to South Africa to try to complete the work their daughter started.

Eventually Amy's parents meet two of their daughter's killers, who are now full of remorse. The two young men, who have been pardoned, try to atone for their crime by doing public service for a foundation the Biehls established in Amy's name. Amy's parents forgive the two killers and they become friends, so much so that the young men address Amy's mother as "mom."

Hard to fathom? Few among us could be so forgiving, despite what religions teach. Amy Biehl must have been an exceptional person to inspire her parents to transform their lives in her memory. Her parents must be exceptional as well, to be capable of such acts. But exceptional though they are, their experience is an unusually dramatic example of a rule that applies to everyone: that forgiveness is good not just for the person who is forgiven, but also for the person who forgives.

Traditionally, we think of forgiveness as a blessing extended to the transgressor, easing his or her conscience; the person who does the forgiving is seen as engaged in a gallant self-sacrifice. In this traditional view, the forgiven person benefits while the forgiver gains nothing. But what if forgiveness is just as important for the person who forgives as for the person forgiven? What if it's in your self-interest to forgive, because you will be better off?

Consider that once the murder happened, Amy Biehl was gone: nothing could bring her back. Her parents might have allowed their lives to be burned up in hatred for the people who committed the crime and for the place where it happened. Instead, they forgave. The sorrow of their loss will never go away. But otherwise, forgiving Amy's killers left the Biehls better off.

Today, rather than having their lives subsumed in bitterness, Amy's parents are leading important, constructive lives as part of the great South African reconciliation effort. They keep Amy's spirit alive as a living memory, and they feel hope rather than anger. Strictly from the standpoint of their own self-interest, the Biehls are better off than if they had refused to forgive.

A one-of-a-kind situation? Hardly. Increasingly, psychological research has begun to show that being a forgiving person is essential to happiness. Even when someone wrongs you, feeling anger or hatred only causes your life to descend into misery and resentment: You are the one who suffers, not the person you're angry at. Forgiving, on the other hand, can lift the burden. When Buddha and Jesus and other great spiritual figures taught us to forgive those who sin against us, they weren't just pronouncing holy philosophy. Rather, they were giving practical down-to-earth life advice."