Kisses and Tickles

Whenever I'm around my children I find myself telling them that I like them, that I like who they are. This can convey so much more than saying "I love you", and even help them understand why we love them so much. I think this is important because of the times when we parents don't like what they've done. For instance:

Finding the peanut butter frozen in the freezer and the popsicles melted in the fridge.

A trail of every tie I own all over the house because my son pretended, again, to be some formally dressed nude superhero (when he was younger).

The stamp pad I use to grade papers being used to grade the size of a small foot, which left its very black footprint here, here, here, here, here, here..........................................EVERYWHERE!

So how do we not put up with misbehavior yet not build walls of defensiveness and insecurity at the same time? The answer......Kisses and Tickles. But I'll get to that later.

To make it tougher, I'm a single parent, as are many of you. At least with two parents in the same home one can act as "goalie" (as Bill Cosby calls it) and "put the kid back into play" when they try to get away.

I have old-fashioned values: when mom or dad speaks, the child listens. You're allowed to have a difference of opinion but not allowed to express it disrespectfully. You are allowed to be you, and this means the you who is above all honest. Make all the mistakes you want, just learn from them. Open the door for your sisters and say thank you to your brother.

So the secret to having high standards and raising healthy, happy, confident children seems to be having high love and appreciation for everything they already are, and everything you know they truly can be. And this means noticing the little things about them. Paying attention to what they do right.

Earlier I was helping Sofia sort out the marshmallows from her Lucky Charms. According to her, the cereal parts "are marshmallows waiting to happen, but they'll take a long, long time. And they're not so good tasting right now". So she sets them aside for later (much later I'm guessing).

As I watch her concentrated face and determined little hands, I fell in love with her all over again. And I said those three little wonderful words.....

"I....Like....You!"

"I like so much about you
I like how you eat only the marshmallows

I like the way you hide your eyes from me
I like when you sing and put on shows

I like the way you sit on my lap when I write
I like the way you itch your nose

I may not always like what you do,
But I will ALWAYS, like you.....

From your beautiful big head
to your teeny-tiny toes."

- Adam Stuart
Written for you Sofia while watching you separate marshmallows

(the last verse worked well with kisses all over her beautiful head and my fingers tickling her toes)



For the adult versus of saying "I Like You", go to "Saying 'I Like You So Much'" by clicking here.

To see the trouble taking all the marshmallows out of the cereal causes, go to "America Begins Again" by clicking here

"Singin' in the Rain" is on, and it's time to go. (Another old-fashioned value. If they want to watch Sponge-Bob Square pants, then by God and their father they will also watch the classics. And believe it or not, they not only like this musical but dance to the songs and become the characters. I'm Gene Kelly!!)

For the parent and romantic in you, check out "Singin' in the Rain" by clicking here.

Enjoy your evening, everybody! May it be spent in kisses and tickles.