BRING ON THE PAIN!

I received a comment from a good friend on my "The Power of Life" post. He felt bad for me and encouraged me to stay strong and positive, which is a nice thing to say. But I wanted to make it very clear, that being in pain is not necessarily bad. It is in dealing with the pain in your life YOU BECOME STRONGER and MORE POSITIVE. And as your strength increases, so does your ability to cause GREAT change in your life, and hence THE WORLD that interacts with you. (By being a happy and strong person, I believed we could combine great fun with great learning in the classroom)

Pain is an incredible tool to produce miracles. Life IS NOT a pursuit of trying to avoid pain or feel sorry for those that have it in their lives (I was sent to the principal's office at least three times for "expecting too much" from Kenny, yet constantly questioned by other teachers and students if I really ever taught anything because there was so much noise and laughter coming from the room).

The principal chose to trust me. As much as I respect any boss, I was strong enough to believe in myself whether my boss and others did or not. Since I used to crumble when my wives didn't believe in me, I can only attribute this HUGE amount of growth from going through and overcoming MORE fear, doubt, worry and pain involving the loss of my children from my everyday life. Going from a half-million dollar home to a rented room in a neighborhood known as "Crime Hills" didn't hurt me anywhere near this much. (I was too hard on Ryan in the beginning and had to go through the pains of learning a different approach. We ended the year very close.)

I finally learned not to feel sorry for myself (thanks Mom and Dad for saying things I needed to hear). I certainly don't want anyone else feeling sorry for me now. That can only bring me back down and weak. Too many students need me to believe in them. How long can I do that feeling so bad about my situation that I can't sleep at night?

Every person knows how hard it is to hold onto their dreams with each passing year. It is less painful to let them go as foolish and unrealistic than it is to hold on to them. And the more you do make them come true and begin succeeding you WILL have to deal with the pain of critics who really just wish they could be more like you.
(Jessica is a GENIUS! She would create characters to go along with her stories, testing at the very top of the country in reading, and at the highest level you can in math - her WORST subject at the start of the year!)

The main reason they're not more like you is not because they don't have your potential, it's because they haven't put themselves through the process of dealing with their everyday pain as well as you have, and in process, getting strong enough to develop said gifts. This is exactly what I was talking about in "Give One More, To One More". That's why I feel "potential" is nothing. What you do with your potential is everything. (Serena WILL become ANYTHING she wants)

In fact, the more pain, the greater the opportunity for growth. The bigger the obstacle, the bigger you can become. I read somewhere that "you're as big as the obstacle that stops you". I've never forgotten it.

So I put my students through more pain and expectation than they have ever had before.
(I taught Haseeb like Denzel Washington coached his players in "Remember the Titans". This is what worked for him, what he needed. He was accepted to private middle school and Denzel's signed picture is in the room.)

At the same time they experience more fun and laughter than they ever had, probably since Kindergarten, simply because I have taken the pains to learn each of their motivations and learning styles, teach them that way, and then teach them how to motivate and teach themselves.

This produces a great flow of real learning versus trying to force it. As a result, I am allowed to operate as a doctor and strength-coach, identifying and working with individual needs versus standing in front of the room and "teaching" all day. (Kenny, one of my biggest challenges and one of the ones I miss most, grew more in overall reading and math than any other student in the entire 5th grade). I just put a slide show on MySpace (click here) in celebration of their achievement as being one of the highest growing classes in Orange County, FL (the other O.C. :-)

So I say, "BRING ON THE PAIN!" If it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger. I have found this to be very true. I know pain can hurt, but it can't kill. Only you can do that. And ONLY YOU can use it to allow you to grow and become more enlightened, more peaceful, and much happier in the long run, which is TODAY! I have wanted it to kill me in the past because then I wouldn't have to feel it anymore. But I held on one more day, sometimes even one more hour. But I did. (Mighty Malcolm, like myself, wasn't so mighty in the beginning. By the end he was!)

Now I am a healthier and happier person with healthier and happier children, other kids no longer being abused, students in the top of the county and country and I bet the world, straight A's in a tough masters program, and two book series in process. All from struggle, all from pain, all from overcoming fear, doubt and worry - three of the worst drugs you can take into your mind.

So bring on the pain. Bring on the badness. I will not intend or desire any of it, but by Buddha and God and any other enlightened being I can learn from and grow, I WILL SUCCEED. I WILL LIVE WHILE I'M ALIVE. I will live ALIVE-ING versus DYING.

We don't enter school knowing how to do and deal with everything. We don't leave school knowing all of it either. Life is a process, a wonderful adventure that includes scaling cliffs and climbing mountains as much as it does swimming in the ocean and walking through a meadow of flowers.

No matter what mountain you're being asked to climb, CLIMB IT! And when you get to the top, reach out help others up. We are all capable of being more than we're living now, and more greatness than we could ever imagine. Our success is only starting.

There's Zen in Fire! All the time!

*P.S. If you'd like, here is the link to their stories from about Christmas to the end of the year, Stuart's Spectacular Students (I had the strength to know they would be spectacular and hold onto that vision, until they saw it and believed it too. Thank God for the pain I've been through.)

Their stories from the first of the year to Christmas are on Samurai Teaching ~ Sensational Living. This blog got so big I had to make the other. The link to the first student story on the Samurai blog is "The Winners of Washington Shores.'"

The Power of Life

Life is like a flower and blooms just the same.
It has to be protected from harm and fed with love;
love for yourself and love for others.
Life is much more than a shallow game for fame.

Bloom Fully.
Bloom Free.
Bloom and Be the Most Beautiful Flower,
You Can Possibly Ever Be.

Have the Courage to Do This,
and Give Others Courage to Bloom too.

Have the Strength to Believe This,
and Together Give the World a more Beautiful Hue.

- Adam Stuart

I wanted to say a quick hello to a friend who had sent me a nice message a few days ago. I noticed on her MySpace page she was "angry" (and believe me, she has good reason to be, and the reason she first contacted me).

As I began to type I was looking at a picture of a flower, and the above poem flowed out, replacing the intended quick "hello" (I added to the poem as I was writing this post, feeling more, flowing more). Beauty is being redefined for me all the time, and I want to thank all the beautiful people who awaken me, nourish me, inspire me, and cause me to think differently. This is done with your words of thanks and appreciation, inspiration and encouragement. And some of you do it without ever having to contact me, just by incredibly being incredibly who you are, already blooming as your most beautiful selves.

Believe me when I tell you, these things mean more to me than I can measure, taking the $4.50 my body is worth chemically and helping me make my spirit truly priceless and invaluable, as it should be. The trouble is we're all only worth as much as we believe we are, by how much we think we are worth in this world. So we irrationally pursue money, fame and material possessions as this measure of how worthwhile we are, ignoring our inner dreams and inner growth. There is NOTHING WRONG with money, fame and possession, only in HOW it is attained, and at what cost? But that's another write for another time.

Rich and famous, poor and anonymous, far too many of us feel worthless, trying to live up to media images of what we should be, while tearing down those still unafraid to pursue their own inner dreams. I've felt as worthless as anyone in the not-so-distant past, and am now only just beginning to really feel the pricelessness and uniqueness of my own soul; like I did when I was a child and told I could be anything I wanted to. I believed it then, and am beginning to believe it again, and believe it or not, you're helping me believe it.

The person I was responding to this afternoon had commented on my "There is Zen in Fire" post, asking me how I "...stay so positive in such a world." Although my comment back was a positive and short one:

"by learning to live in the now, this moment, in zen - and then in this moment fully, think, see and expect ONLY what I WANT and not regretting the past or fretting the future. kinda like dreaming big, doing big and becoming big (my class motto 4 my students) "

As I think of the cause of her anger, I am enraged, and not being able to do much about it right now, want to expand on my answer in hopes of shedding light and possibly strength for all of us to keep fighting the good fight, no matter how hopeless and futile it may seem at times.

I want to say that it's not easy, it's Hoover Dam hard, and is a daily choice that needs to be made (Sofia and I had just watched Madagascar, where I got the "Hoover Dam" line from :-).

My darling 5-year-old was the last to go again this time, and cried in my arms yesterday, saying she wanted to see her mommy but wanted to still be with me. I stayed with her, dancing with her and holding her, holding back my own tears while trying to convince her how wonderful it was that we love each other so much that it hurts this much to leave. I reminded her to look at the moon and know Daddy was there looking at her, watching her, protecting her, and loving her. This only seemed to hurt her worse as she squeezed more tears from her eyes and buried her face in my chest.

As I got on my bike and headed to class, I didn't want to hurt, I wanted to hate. I didn't care that it could be worse and that others have it worse. I cared that my child had to go through this, that I had to go through this. I couldn't pretend not to have this pain. It was real and it was gripping. I punched my handlebars and roared my way to class 30 minutes late. When I came home I saw her unfinished animal crackers still on the dining room table. I wanted to pretend she is upstairs sleeping (I can't seem to change the "is" to "was". I think I'm still pretending she's here).

All I want is to crawl into her bed every night and wrap her in my arms, whispering "Daddy loves you" until she turns and wraps her small arms around my neck like she does when she's here.

But as I looked around and had to deal with the reality that she is gone, that all of them are gone, I set my helmet down and felt myself becoming the thing I hate, the thing I fear. It is "The Warrior Standing Alone.

Bleeding so much on the inside it seeps out of his skin and onto the ground from his fingertips. Raising his face in the night rain and screaming for the gods to stop the pain. Going into his cave and rolling the Hittite's clever stone. Covering the entrance and keeping the world from causing him more pain.

Exhausting himself fully living, he has finally run out; out of energy, out of love, out of belief or spirit. And for what? There is no one there to love him now, no one there to fill him back up. He has learned to trust no one, other than the heart of a child. For the sin of being himself and trusting others, he has been punished by both God and Zeus.

Looking in the mirror and seeing only Sisyphus, he realizes he has been condemned for eternity to push a monstrous boulder up a hill all day only to have it fall back down the next. He has accomplished nothing, tried but failed, and now only tired and frail. With the last of his life force dripping out of him like blood from his fingertips, he holds one solitary hope of a warrior, that a good death finds him in the end, by the way he lived before that meeting takes place."

- Adam Stuart (I'm embarrassed to claim it, but unapologetic for my feelings; their painful depths letting me know just how alive inside I still am)

These are foolish and dangerous thoughts, and proof to me that no man is an island, that no person can go it alone for too long. And it is your comments that give me the strength to go on sometimes when I need it most. We need each other if we are going to survive, no matter how positive or smart or strong we are separately.

It is also proof to me that the devil lives no where else and is real no where else other than inside your own head. My own thoughts and fears, brought on by pain and exhaustion, will be the living death of me, my strength and spirit, if I am not strong enough to fight it. I will end up giving up, and going through the motions of life, becoming a member of the already too-crowded walking dead.

Combine this depth and hardness of emotion with doing deep meditation and (foolishly?) hard-core Navy Seal and Animal© workouts to release this pain and frustration, and I'm really waking up feeling not so good sometimes. If I want more, I have to become more, which includes using pain instead of letting it use me.

There will be pain as long as there is life. Let me allow it to make me grow, and not avoid it by hiding in the temporary escape of drugs and drunkenness, night-time TV and strangers in the night, wallowing in self-pity and playing the victim, or tearing down and hurting others just so I can feel better. None of these can offer me any healing or permanent change. The problems will still be there, and that Hoover Dam boulder will be back at the bottom of the hill again.

So sometimes I wake up saying "Shitaki Mushrooms" sometimes (another Madagascar line - my students might read this so I keep it clean for them). How am I going to do anything today? How am I going to enjoy life and fight the good fight? A sense of humor helps quite a bit, as does music that makes your body move, and listening to or reading some enlightened being's words that clear the clouds of everyday life from your head.

But the greatest power that powers life is love, self-love being most important. Love is never outside yourself. We can't get it from others, only connect to its vibrations from others by opening our own hearts to ourselves. No matter how much others send us loving vibrations, we will never feel them if we don't first feel it from ourselves.

So on those days I wake up without that get-up-and-go or in my children's AMAZING love flow, it's the beautiful flowers blooming in the form of your wonderful comments that give me my answer to how I'm going to live today:

By allowing myself to believe in myself at least as much as others do
and by believing in myself more than others who might not do.

My time on earth is short, and I can become myself or become forgotten. And for one more day I can deal with the pains of life in ways that bring change, evolution and greater pleasure to my mind, body and soul. And I can start now by THINKING ONLY of what I want, SEEING ONLY what I want, and EXPECTING ONLY what I want to happen. Just like building wealth or a relationship, getting in shape or getting a pilot's license, it's created from daily creations.

Let's do as much as we can, giving as much as we can to ourselves and others, and we will find others giving back to us when we need it the most. And together we will nourish each other and create a more beautiful world .

And it won't be so hard to stay so positive in such a world. I'm willing to fight for that, to fight for love. It is The Power of Life.